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I was under the impression that a man knows if he wants to marry a woman within the first few weeks. If there aren't any barriers to marriage (ie, financial, relocation, kids, etc...) then it should happen relatively soon.
Well, you're kind of stuck in ultimatum zone. You're in a bad spot.
It's stupid to wait till someone you're already living with makes up his mind about marriage. It's like you have no say in the situation.
You need to tell him this. If he's not sure, then you need to move out. Essentially, he doesn't want to marry you. Not in the least. He has all the power and control and you're made to sound like a whiny beetch.
Unfortunately the relationship is going to end.
All you can hope for is if the two of you have an adult conversation about what you want and what he wants and what marriage means to both of you. If it's important to both of you, it will work itself out.
We might get married for social security benefits for her if I pass before her, but other than that, it's not something that was important to us. We're much older than you guys, I'm mid forties and she is 50.
We both come from families where parents have been multiple times and multiple divorces. Our parents never really busted our chops for not being married, but it was easier for us as we both knew going in that we weren't having children and we aren't religious in the traditional sense.
To people that feel it is important you need to get off the pot and move forward if it is something that is what you want, life goes quick and unfortunately you might have to make some uncomfortable decisions here pretty soon.
Either you're in or you're out, but to be fair to your man, you need to decide if you really love this dude, or like I said before, is getting married some life list to do item, or do you really want this man.
Think about that part, do it a selfless manner, if that makes any sense.
I don't normally advocate ultimatums but sometimes they can kick start someone and force them to evaluate what is important in their lives.
Honestly... That is beautiful, very romantic.
"Either you're in or you're out, but to be fair to your man, you need to decide if you really love this dude, or like I said before, is getting married some life list to do item, or do you really want this man.
Think about that part, do it a selfless manner, if that makes any sense."
It's social pressure. I wouldn't care if I lived in a vacuum, but I don't. There is social devaluation and disrespect that occurs because we've been dating 2 1/2 years and are not married. My parents are not happy and I've had to cut off an entire group of friends to date him this long. Which I was fine doing because I wanted to give him time but I don't think he is mutually reciprocating my sacrifices.
I know you hate the expression but cow's and free milk do come to mind, no offense, but what's in it for him that he isn't already getting ?, maybe you should move out and explore other options, consider the two and a half years a learning experience, people are funny, Clooney swore he'd never get married, look at him now, Simon Cowell swore he didn't want kids, look at him now, Felicity Huffman reportedly dated William H. Macy for 15 years before they finally married(now that was a matrimonial Hail Mary pass),but if you were my daugher I'd tell you, be upfront with him, otherwise you'll end up feeling bitter and resentful at being 'deceived', the conversation should be about what you both want, and what you don't want ie this open ended loosey goosey situation.If he still isn't willing to commit, then move out and look for someone that is
<<J*'s "Not the guy who'll promise you the world and not deliver." In his own words.[/quote]>>
When a person shows you who they are believe them,don't go by what he says , go by what he's doing, you had this dicussion at the one and a half year mark, this is a year later and nothing has changed. Unlike other posters I like the fact that you know what you want, I've met couples that had an arranged marriage that were happy, and a lot of the 'love' marriages , didn't work,there's nothing wrong with picking a good provider,with the potential to be a good father, over a so called bad boy, who'll rock your world and leave you holding the bag,but if he's dragging his feet, and having kids is important to you then he needs to seal the deal, or cut him loose. I agree with the posts that suggest you move out, it's hard to negotiate from a position of weakness, move out , see who else is out there, while you both decide what you want
Last edited by Beejay24/7; 05-24-2014 at 09:49 PM..
It may be "common" in your circle but it's not "common" out in the real world most westerners live in. Are you Asian or Indian perhaps?
Loves, maybe you haven't been paying attention but there have been plenty of women on this forum (westerners even, gasp!) and even in this thread, who have posted about being proposed to fairly quickly.
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Girl. Move the hell out and grow up. 
