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The truth of the matter is everyone is different. Some people like sex right away, some don't. Some want to wait until they are in exclusive relationship, some don't. Some wait until there is love, some don't. It's all about personal preference and personal values. It has nothing to do if whether a person likes sex or not or is good in bed... waiting until you are ready (whether that is date #1 or #10) has no correlation with enjoyment or quality. Time is it's own element independent of the other two.
Look at it this way, lots of people like things and hold out on those things they like for various reasons. Some see sex as the "dessert" (I am sure I'm not the only one who has heard this analogy) of the relationship, if everything else is good an satisfying, then there is sex. Some people like a good hearty meal before dessert... they feel better about enjoying dessert with a "strong foundation" of nutritious food. Others just skip the meal and go right to the chocolate cake because life is short. Doesn't mean one of them hates dessert or the other enjoys it more. They may even both anticipate with the same eagerness. Just means they have different priorities.
I said it before, if you are with someone of conflicting opinion on the subject, then maybe you are with the wrong person. Break things off and let them go their own way. A person who is into sex ASAP will find like minded people... and a person who likes to wait for whatever reason will also find like minded people.
Why do I think this? Personally, I've been in relationships where sex came before any dating, relationships where I waited on sex for a while, and my current relationship it took about a month of dating and an agreement to be exclusive before sex (kind of in the middle). When I had sex had no bearing on how good or frequent the sex happened later in the relationship. And when I had sex had no bearing on how good or bad the relationship was. What ended up really mattering was the person I was dating, not the act of sex.
Best post I'm the intire thread , having instant sex doesn't make you a great lover in any form or fashion.
Because she probably keeps getting dumped for women who have more realistic expectations
who the HELL waits a month for sex???
HE might wait a month to sex YOU, but he is most likely sexing SOMEONE ELSE in the mean time
Her posts sound like someone in their 30's to 40's who has been dating for ever and not met mr right yet...and she bitter or something
Wrong on all counts.
Women aren't happy when people call them names and judge them. That's not shocking to people who actually have empathy.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
I have never EVER become emotionally invested, to any serious degree...and then found that we were not sexually compatible. Never.
I've had it happen many many many times. No sexual chemistry is there, or no sexual compatibility, and the relationship is done. It's a lot more of a downer to find a relationship is over once you're emotionally attached or have emotional investment than to find out it has potential and then not have it work out. I had this happen this fall, unfortunately.
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Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Not every single (i.e. unmarried or not in a relationship) woman is out there having sex constantly. But I know you're going to say that the ones who like sex are.
I never said every single one is. Nor constantly. And not all that like sex are. There are those that like sex yet still have hang ups, or think it is a moral issue, or live in fear of sexual engagements. They have the right to their choices, no one is saying otherwise, but I don't connect with those people. They aren't my people.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30
So you're telling me that you've never ever met a woman whether in a gym, pub or even a shop that you haven't had an instant connection with or even chemistry with?, And thought of pursuing?
hmm I'm not sure if it was instant, but yes I have had romantic feelings for certain women. Fewer than ten. It is very, very rare that I feel that way. And the sad part is that it has never been reciprocated. They never feel the same.
Now if you're defining "chemistry" as just being sexually attracted to someone, well, that's pretty much every woman I see (80 or 90 percent). So I assume you're talking about that extra "click" of romantic feelings. That's very rare for me. Which is part of why I can't relate to people finding so many people on OLD that they want to date. I've been browsing profiles on POF for probably the last two years, and I've found maybe two people about whom I feel vaguely romantic. Neither was located anywhere near me.
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if you say you just want to be friends first then a lot would be out off as you haven't gone for it and asked her out on a date.
I would only ask for a date after we have a history together, and we know each other, feel comfortable together, etc. I have to know she cares about me to the extent that if we don't have sex anymore and we're just platonic friends again, that she'll stay as my friend. Especially now that I have had SO MANY NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES with having feelings for people.
Typically it is about three years before I find another person for whom I feel romantic feelings/chemistry/compatibility. And somehow it doesn't work out, and I feel depressed and discouraged.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x
Typically it is about three years before I find another person for whom I feel romantic feelings/chemistry/compatibility. And somehow it doesn't work out, and I feel depressed and discouraged.
So how about saying (blank) my freaking ideals and I'm trying another way. Ever freaking thought of that?
No but the dates have been relatively cheap. Though there have been a few dinners included in this mix. She is not high maintenance in how much dates/restaurants cost. This is more about my TIME...from a cost benefit standpoint. However, time is probably more precious than money...
hmm I'm not sure if it was instant, but yes I have had romantic feelings for certain women. Fewer than ten. It is very, very rare that I feel that way. And the sad part is that it has never been reciprocated. They never feel the same.
Now if you're defining "chemistry" as just being sexually attracted to someone, well, that's pretty much every woman I see (80 or 90 percent). So I assume you're talking about that extra "click" of romantic feelings. That's very rare for me. Which is part of why I can't relate to people finding so many people on OLD that they want to date. I've been browsing profiles on POF for probably the last two years, and I've found maybe two people about whom I feel vaguely romantic. Neither was located anywhere near me.
You're really shooting yourself in the foot by trying to quantify "romantic" vs. "sexual" vs. "chemistry." You meet someone (or respond to their profile,) you think she's cute, conversation flows, you laugh, you flirt, and you go from there. If she feels the same way, you're on. Most women are not going to wait for months or years while you figure out what you want, even if she does initially like you.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
You're really shooting yourself in the foot by trying to quantify "romantic" vs. "sexual" vs. "chemistry."
Well, maybe there is no difference for you, but there is for me.
Quote:
You meet someone (or respond to their profile,) you think she's cute, conversation flows, you laugh, you flirt, and you go from there.
That's not how it works for me. I find most women sexually attractive to one degree or another. I'm platonic friends with many women. But there is a very wide gulf between that and actually having romantic feelings. The romantic feeling comes from maybe one person I meet in three or four years.
OLD doesn't have much to offer a guy like me, unfortunately. I do find most of the people sexually attractive, but I don't feel more than that.
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Most women are not going to wait for months or years while you figure out what you want, even if she does initially like you.
The ones I like have never liked me initially or after the passage of months.
Besides, isn't the whole thread about women preferring to wait? I want to wait and get to them also. But BEFORE saying that we are meeting for romantic purposes. Friends first, get to know each other first, then date/kiss/sex if we both feel that way.
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That's very rare for me. 
I've been browsing profiles on POF for probably the last two years, and I've found maybe two people about whom I feel vaguely romantic. Neither was located anywhere near me. 
