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Kissing, touching, etc. wouldn't be a purely platonic friendship then.
I should clarify "did try that once" = giving a relationship a try with a guy who I had only ever considered a platonic friend for many years. He told me he fancied me. I liked him (he's a good guy), felt comfortable with him. So we started dating etc.
I think your view is more common than is displayed on CD. I don't believe that it is just women who want to get to know the man a little more before sharing that intimate moment. Sex at any cost is not what many people are angling for, nor do they need it so badly that waiting beyond the first date is any sort of hardship. Well, except for lucky2balive who only cares that he got to "sex her", no matter what type of person she turns out to be.
EXACTLY. This view that you need to have sex first and THEN ponder whether to keep seeing the person is nonsense. Does it happen that people have sex right away and continue in a relationship? OF COURSE. But generally people ( and I am going by the people I have personally discussed relationships with) are looking for someone that we connect with...on some level that does not require taking your clothes off. Once you find that, and then find chemistry too...then you have a winning ticket. Can it happen the other way... YES.
EXACTLY. This view that you need to have sex first and THEN ponder whether to keep seeing the person is nonsense. Does it happen that people have sex right away and continue in a relationship? OF COURSE. But generally people ( and I am going by the people I have personally discussed relationships with) are looking for someone that we connect with...on some level that does not require taking your clothes off. Once you find that, and then find chemistry too...then you have a winning ticket. Can it happen the other way... YES.
I don't think ANYONE expects sex to happen first...however I think after a few dates if NOTHING happens, chances are good you are entering friend zone
often she is more than happy to let him keep on financing her social life, with no intentions of going beyond plutonic friendship, unbeknownst to him...this happens A LOT...
When I was dating if nothing happened by the 3rd or 4th date, chances were good nothing was EVER going to happen
the one person I waited for....my wife...was a month...and she even admits she wanted to the first night she met me but she thought I would not stick around if she put out so quickly...which was NOT true...I didn't have that double standard
for me, I don't have any rules or checklists...this was more of an indicator than anything...
at this point, 4th date...I re-evaluated my position...other options...it wasn't just the sex
I found, in my dating years that if she was AS interested as I was, sex happened sooner than later...I married the only fluke to this theory LOL
Because like so many people on here he doesn't want to succeed. He'd rather have some sort of ideals that aren't based on reality than do something really scary, which is to connect with someone and become emotionally vulnerable.
It's about control. Lots of people here don't want to give up control.I get it, it can be scary.
Quite right
Control/stepping out of their comfort zone it's the same thing mate and I agree with this mate
My boyfriend. On our first real date (after our first meeting - we met via OLD) we discovered we had freaking fireworks between us. But, knowing that I was NOT interested in casual sex, he made a point to not pressure me one bit. In fact he told me, in an email that night, ( I still have it) that we would go no faster than
I was comfortable with. He wanted us to get a good comfortable start. And we did. That was 6.5 years ago.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
EXACTLY. This view that you need to have sex first and THEN ponder whether to keep seeing the person is nonsense. Does it happen that people have sex right away and continue in a relationship? OF COURSE. But generally people ( and I am going by the people I have personally discussed relationships with) are looking for someone that we connect with...on some level that does not require taking your clothes off. Once you find that, and then find chemistry too...then you have a winning ticket. Can it happen the other way... YES.
Sure, but becoming emotionally invested in someone where there is no chance of having a successful relationship because of lack of sexual chemistry or compatibility is incredibly frustrating and time sucking. If that works for someone, fine, but I don't get it. Most women I know want to know first or second date if "it" is there, and if it is, they'll explore further. If it isn't, it's over. If it is there, then there is potential for moving forward, and if the relationship doesn't work out they've had some fun and have a potential FB/FWB as they continue to look for someone where it is all there.
I'm not dumb enough to think that any of the women I'm dating now aren't having sex with others in their search for a relationship. Of course they are. And if I'm dating someone and we're not having sex (like one person I've been out with 2x now), I can effectively be guaranteed she's doing it with someone else. That's her right of course. I'd almost be worried if she wasn't.
People do have to do what is right for them though.
I'd want to know what happened in her first marriage and how she reacts otherwise.
I'm not concerned about someone wanting to wait, there is nothing wrong with it if that's how she feels.
However, I'd want to know if she got burned by her ex and thus has trust issues or if she just has zero interest in sex and it was a major problem with her marriage....that type of stuff.
In short, I'd be looking for clues as to what went wrong in her marriage and if something that is important to you in a relationship is a hang-up for her.
Neither of your attitudes is wrong, you just may not be right together and if so you shouldn't be wasting (either persons) time.
I don't think ANYONE expects sex to happen first...however I think after a few dates if NOTHING happens, chances are good you are entering friend zone
LOL. Sheesh...if you go out with someone several times and you don't feel that you guys are really connecting, .then you stop dating. "Friend zone" is just silly concocted term for "no mutual romantic interest". There is no mysterious " zone" you fall into.
Sure, but becoming emotionally invested in someone where there is no chance of having a successful relationship because of lack of sexual chemistry or compatibility is incredibly frustrating and time sucking. If that works for someone, fine, but I don't get it. Most women I know want to know first or second date if "it" is there, and if it is, they'll explore further. If it isn't, it's over. If it is there, then there is potential for moving forward, and if the relationship doesn't work out they've had some fun and have a potential FB/FWB as they continue to look for someone where it is all there.
I'm not dumb enough to think that any of the women I'm dating now aren't having sex with others in their search for a relationship. Of course they are. And if I'm dating someone and we're not having sex (like one person I've been out with 2x now), I can effectively be guaranteed she's doing it with someone else. That's her right of course. I'd almost be worried if she wasn't.
People do have to do what is right for them though.
I have never EVER become emotionally invested, to any serious degree...and then found that we were not sexually compatible. Never. You don't need to fall in love before you have sex...that's not what I'm saying....AT ALL.
Agreed that people need to do what's right for them...but damn...if I thought a guy I was dating was sleeping with someone...I'd be outta there....in a heartbeat. Def not my thing.
Sure, but becoming emotionally invested in someone where there is no chance of having a successful relationship because of lack of sexual chemistry or compatibility is incredibly frustrating and time sucking. If that works for someone, fine, but I don't get it. Most women I know want to know first or second date if "it" is there, and if it is, they'll explore further. If it isn't, it's over. If it is there, then there is potential for moving forward, and if the relationship doesn't work out they've had some fun and have a potential FB/FWB as they continue to look for someone where it is all there.
I'm not dumb enough to think that any of the women I'm dating now aren't having sex with others in their search for a relationship. Of course they are. And if I'm dating someone and we're not having sex (like one person I've been out with 2x now), I can effectively be guaranteed she's doing it with someone else. That's her right of course. I'd almost be worried if she wasn't.
People do have to do what is right for them though.
Not every single (i.e. unmarried or not in a relationship) woman is out there having sex constantly. But I know you're going to say that the ones who like sex are.
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"did try that once" = giving a relationship a try with a guy who I had only ever considered a platonic friend for many years. He told me he fancied me. I liked him (he's a good guy), felt comfortable with him. So we started dating etc.
Once you find that, and then find chemistry too...then you have a winning ticket. Can it happen the other way... YES.
