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Match her level of flirting and you won't come across as too forward or even creepy.
On first contact ( first time I meet one ) I'm engaging and polite but I'll see how she responds/behaves and let that dictate how forward I am with flirting.
If you're uncomfortable in jumping straight into flirting just by talking normally and ensuring there's a good vibe will build you up and go from there.
End of the day flirting comes from confidence and is natural, the more you squabble and worry about it the more harder it WILL be and more chance you'll come across as awkward
The Zen of it all. Flirt by appearing not to flirt.
The Zen of it all. Flirt by appearing not to flirt.
Sun Tzu would be proud of you.
LOL Thank you
Engaging with humour is a great way to start off in my opinion you'll see her personality and best of all yes you'll see how she responds with you so you can proceed from there, instead of jumping straight in and asking her out or run the risk of coming on too strong
For me, making small talk and flirting with someone to whom I am attracted is a bit awkward because it is a game; it involves talking about B.S topics or making B.S conversation in the hopes of getting closer to the person in order to get what you really want: sex or intimacy or a relationship or all three. Playing that game is obviously effective and is a tried-and-true way to establish a connection with a potential romantic interest, but the superficiality of the approach bothers me.
It would be great if we could just be completely open and honest and state upfront what we want and want our intentions are. Instead we have to engage in this social dance.
What is wrong with just being a decent human being and having a friendly conversation with a woman even if it doesn't lead to sex?
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnthonyJ34
Obviously, the MAIN reason why I am approaching is because I find her attractive and probably want to, at some point, sleep with her (in all frankness and honesty). But obviously, I can't tell her my true motivation for approaching her (some girls might like it, but many would probably slap me or cuss me out), so I have to take a 'socially acceptable' approach, which means coming up with some contrived, superficial comment or question designed to establish a connection.
I find it kind of sad that you're so focused on the outcome of having sex with a woman you just saw. Nothing wrong with seeing someone attractive and striking up a conversation to see if you have something in common that could lead to a romantic connection... but the way you put it, that it's your true (and only?) motivation is disconcerting. It's like you feel you have to fake being a decent person and having any interest in this other person beyond your own narcissistic desires. Women are people too you know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
In general....be sincere...and smile...and be nice.
Don't BE creepy! That is, don't be "on the make", don't be just going for sex with no consideration for HER.
Yep. Anthony, and men like him, should take note.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
Do you like women?
I mean as people. Do you like them?
Or do you see them as something to conquer, which inscrutably keeps slipping from your grasp? A source of frustration? Things like that (which dehumanize a person and make her into a "thing" instead)?
Maybe you should find some great female friends or even hang out more with sisters if you have them, female cousins and so on. Get to know women as people, without hope for/expectation of sex/romance. You need to learn what women genuinely like, NOT sexually but just genuinely like as a whole.
Learn to like women. Get to know some as people and go from there.
Yes, that sums it up very well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gretchen963
You're trying too hard here. Forget any cheesy pickup lines or reiterating canned responses from random dating videos. Those lines are awkward and obvious, which can make the situation worse for a person who's already nervous about it.
Rather than trying to flirt with a girl you're interested in, try to gain a new friend instead. I know that's not what you want, however, it's usually easier for a guy who's nervous to gain a new female friend, than it is to gain a date, etc. Friendship is usually easier to obtain because there isn't as many expectations. Strike up a conversation with women you are genuinely wanting to get to know better. Be a decent person, with a rather dry sense of humor, who's not afraid to laugh at himself. That'll get the ball rolling.
The plus side to this is you'll have several new female friends, you'll build up your confidence with women, and you'll eventually be able to flirt naturally without any cringe-worthy moments.
That is a good place to start for anyone who needs to build up confidence. It seems like the OP and others are afraid of ending up in 'the friendzone'... but I think it would probably help them grow and develop better social skills and improve their ability to not only relate to and communicate with the opposite sex, but also improve their ability to have fulfilling relationships down the line. If they stop focusing on 'getting some' as the only objective, and focus more on friendly interactions which may or may not lead to something more... that would take a whole lot of pressure off. Flirting successfully is something that would likely develop over time, as a person gets more comfortable with the opposite sex and better able to pick up signals whether the other person is interested and flirting back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SkylarkPhotoBooth
Be yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin. Just think of it as a conversation with someone you want to get to know, rather than thinking of "flirting" as some different type of communication you are entering into. She's less likely to be creeped out if she thinks you're just a person who is interested in her as a person, rather than a guy hoping to hook up with her (unless she's insecure and gets her validation from knowing guys want to hook up with her, in which case you are in for a lot of drama). Just talk with her. As her questions about herself. Do more listening than talking. Make her feel good about herself. ("Negging" only works with the aforementioned insecure women. Quality women will be rightly disgusted by it.)
If you've had a really great conversation where it feels like you've bonded, or if you at least get some positive verbal or non-verbal feedback from her, THEN ask if she'd like to get a drink (or coffee, or see a movie or concert, or whatever) sometime.
Oh, and if you don't COMPLETELY succeed in being comfortable in your own skin, that's okay. Some women will find it cute that you're a little bit nervous, and if they don't, then at least you got some practice for next time. Also, of course, this is why social events have alcohol. Don't get completely sloshed and start hitting on women, but there's nothing wrong with having one or two to take the edge off if that helps you.
This is all really excellent advice! Especially the bolded part. I think people often push too hard too soon.
One other thing that I don't think has been mentioned. I have a friend I have known for many years. He has a wonderful personality but he is rarely ever successful with the opposite sex for a number of reasons... but the main reason is because his expectations are way too high. He is a 4 or 5 who expects to be able to date a 10+ or supermodel. If a person is trying to flirt with and date way outside of their league and are frustrated by their lack of success... they may do well to have more realistic expectations.
Maybe if your attempts at flirting aren't getting you anywhere it's because you're setting yourself up for failure because of the specific women you are choosing. Try not focusing as much on the superficial aspects and see if there is someone who looks friendly and interesting. And if you don't put so much pressure on it having to lead to sex, you can relax and just see what happens. Even if it's just a nice, friendly little interaction. It will build your confidence.
Also, even if there's no chemistry between the two of you, a new friendship will expand your social circle... and you never know where that may lead!
What is wrong with just being a decent human being and having a friendly conversation with a woman even if it doesn't lead to sex?
I find it kind of sad that you're so focused on the outcome of having sex with a woman you just saw. Nothing wrong with seeing someone attractive and striking up a conversation to see if you have something in common that could lead to a romantic connection... but the way you put it, that it's your true (and only?) motivation is disconcerting. It's like you feel you have to fake being a decent person and having any interest in this other person beyond your own narcissistic desires. Women are people too you know.
Yep. Anthony, and men like him, should take note.
Yes, that sums it up very well.
That is a good place to start for anyone who needs to build up confidence. It seems like the OP and others are afraid of ending up in 'the friendzone'... but I think it would probably help them grow and develop better social skills and improve their ability to not only relate to and communicate with the opposite sex, but also improve their ability to have fulfilling relationships down the line. If they stop focusing on 'getting some' as the only objective, and focus more on friendly interactions which may or may not lead to something more... that would take a whole lot of pressure off. Flirting successfully is something that would likely develop over time, as a person gets more comfortable with the opposite sex and better able to pick up signals whether the other person is interested and flirting back.
I treat everyone I interact with the same way, regardless of gender, and regardless of whether or not I find them attractive. I've only had one short romantic relationship, and she contacted me first, on an OLD site. Making the broad generalization that men like me are unsuccessful, romantically, because they objectify women, leering at them with the hopes of getting into their pants, is insulting. (this is directed to everyone who has made this argument, not just the poster I'm quoting)
Quote:
This is all really excellent advice! Especially the bolded part. I think people often push too hard too soon.
One other thing that I don't think has been mentioned. I have a friend I have known for many years. He has a wonderful personality but he is rarely ever successful with the opposite sex for a number of reasons... but the main reason is because his expectations are way too high. He is a 4 or 5 who expects to be able to date a 10+ or supermodel. If a person is trying to flirt with and date way outside of their league and are frustrated by their lack of success... they may do well to have more realistic expectations.
Maybe if your attempts at flirting aren't getting you anywhere it's because you're setting yourself up for failure because of the specific women you are choosing. Try not focusing as much on the superficial aspects and see if there is someone who looks friendly and interesting. And if you don't put so much pressure on it having to lead to sex, you can relax and just see what happens. Even if it's just a nice, friendly little interaction. It will build your confidence.
Also, even if there's no chemistry between the two of you, a new friendship will expand your social circle... and you never know where that may lead!
I can agree that some people have expectations that are too high. But why should I pursue a romantic relationship with someone who I don't find attractive? Doesn't that make intimacy difficult?
If you can't find a single 6-8 range person attractive, that's a problem.
If you're responding to me, I guess I'd agree. Wouldn't someone who is a 6-8 be above average in attractiveness? I don't like to put people on a rating system, anyway. Who I find attractive may be considered a 2, 5, or 9, to someone else.
What is wrong with just being a decent human being and having a friendly conversation with a woman even if it doesn't lead to sex?
I find it kind of sad that you're so focused on the outcome of having sex with a woman you just saw. Nothing wrong with seeing someone attractive and striking up a conversation to see if you have something in common that could lead to a romantic connection... but the way you put it, that it's your true (and only?) motivation is disconcerting. It's like you feel you have to fake being a decent person and having any interest in this other person beyond your own narcissistic desires. Women are people too you know.
Yep. Anthony, and men like him, should take note.
Yes, that sums it up very well.
That is a good place to start for anyone who needs to build up confidence. It seems like the OP and others are afraid of ending up in 'the friendzone'... but I think it would probably help them grow and develop better social skills and improve their ability to not only relate to and communicate with the opposite sex, but also improve their ability to have fulfilling relationships down the line. If they stop focusing on 'getting some' as the only objective, and focus more on friendly interactions which may or may not lead to something more... that would take a whole lot of pressure off. Flirting successfully is something that would likely develop over time, as a person gets more comfortable with the opposite sex and better able to pick up signals whether the other person is interested and flirting back.
This is all really excellent advice! Especially the bolded part. I think people often push too hard too soon.
One other thing that I don't think has been mentioned. I have a friend I have known for many years. He has a wonderful personality but he is rarely ever successful with the opposite sex for a number of reasons... but the main reason is because his expectations are way too high. He is a 4 or 5 who expects to be able to date a 10+ or supermodel. If a person is trying to flirt with and date way outside of their league and are frustrated by their lack of success... they may do well to have more realistic expectations.
Maybe if your attempts at flirting aren't getting you anywhere it's because you're setting yourself up for failure because of the specific women you are choosing. Try not focusing as much on the superficial aspects and see if there is someone who looks friendly and interesting. And if you don't put so much pressure on it having to lead to sex, you can relax and just see what happens. Even if it's just a nice, friendly little interaction. It will build your confidence.
Also, even if there's no chemistry between the two of you, a new friendship will expand your social circle... and you never know where that may lead!
Yeah, it seems there is a sizeable portion of us that are so focused on the end goal that we forget the journey.
One thing I don't agree with is this numbering. People are people. There are ways a "5" as you so put it can land a "10" as you so put it. First, drop the numbers. The only numbers to think about is the digits.
Afterwards, look at people as individuals like you said. Talk to the person and see where they stand. Also, maybe he could expand his horizons. I've had a woman chase after me that I thought was a "5", but one good look at her and she is much closer to a "10" (ugh, numbers,) to me. Her treating me well did not hurt her score either.
Numbers are for math (which I have no problem with )
i guess just accept and believe that it can be possible to get a girlfriend even if you are only able to have just regular friendly platonic conversation
Numbers are for math (which I have no problem with )
And attractiveness can certainly be described using math
A "10" is 3+ standard deviations above the mean in terms of attractiveness.
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Thank you 
