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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
I don't really think that there is a paint by the numbers approach to all things in life. Some of the 'softer' skills we have are just somewhat innate with people. It's like being funny. You can't really teach someone some of those skills, you can to a degree, but you have to have some basic instincts in that area.
Same goes with flirting or even just being witty or what they used to call "charming"
Sure, there is the innate ability, but there is also learning and trial and error, this starts in childhood for almost everyone.
It takes time. I wasn't always good at it. Shoot, sometimes I use to be downright cringeworthy when flirting. It takes practice. Instead of trying to hard I just started making small conversations with women. Whether in the elevator or aisle at a store. Just small talk and just taking mental notes in regards to her body language. Just keep building your confidence little by little and eventually you'll get better at it. The key is to be completely comfortable with rejection because it will happen often at first.
Sounds like good advice.
For me, making small talk and flirting with someone to whom I am attracted is a bit awkward because it is a game; it involves talking about B.S topics or making B.S conversation in the hopes of getting closer to the person in order to get what you really want: sex or intimacy or a relationship or all three. Playing that game is obviously effective and is a tried-and-true way to establish a connection with a potential romantic interest, but the superficiality of the approach bothers me.
It would be great if we could just be completely open and honest and state upfront what we want and want our intentions are. Instead we have to engage in this social dance.
If you wanted to get to know someone, why would you only talk about "BS topics"?
Wouldn't you want to find something to talk about that you are both interested in?
Well, yes, of course, but I'm talking more about the initial approach. Obviously, if you or I see someone across the room to whom we are attracted, and we decide to make an approach, right at that moment we have to have a plan of action, and approach guideline. And that initial approach, at least for me, seems contrived and artificial. Obviously, the MAIN reason why I am approaching is because I find her attractive and probably want to, at some point, sleep with her (in all frankness and honesty). But obviously, I can't tell her my true motivation for approaching her (some girls might like it, but many would probably slap me or cuss me out), so I have to take a 'socially acceptable' approach, which means coming up with some contrived, superficial comment or question designed to establish a connection. And even after making the initial connection, so much of what I am thinking and feeling is not being conveyed; rather, I am following the rules of courtship (or potential courtship if one develops), which is heavy on ritual and superficiality.
But then again, that superficiality applies to many of our social encounters in general, so maybe it's not so big of a deal.
That's even worse than what my brother said LMAO. What makes it even worse is what are the odds he'd be there too? That means he didn't even bother trying to approach you and maybe instead watched you on your every move. As a man I've noticed woman looking at me but as a women I'd be more afraid since the amount of predators out of there is far higher than people think.
Or "what's up with the pajamas you wore last night?"
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