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To give some background, I was with this girl for almost a year and we broke up recently. I admit, this whole this is partly my fault for ignoring the red flags and staying but she completely took advantage of me. I would do nice things for her and spend a lot of money, time, and effort to make her happy. I would do little things like surprise her with her favorite candy and random romantic cards to show my appreciation for her. She never seemed to fully appreciate any of it and she only seemed to show real affection towards me when I was going to buy something for her or do something for her. There were many times when we had arguments that she’d fly off the rails and say all types of harsh things towards me. She once told me to kill my self, she called me ugly and worthless, she’d ignore me and block my number, she’d call me stupid and talk about how no one will ever want to be with me. And I know most people probably would’ve ran away after that, but afterwards she’d seem so apologetic and remorseful. Then she’d go back to normal until the next argument came up. She would also criticize me whenever she felt like it, but the moment when I’d criticize her or ask her to change something about her treatment of me then she’d get really angry and shut down the conversation. She once got really angry at me for calling her out about one of the lies she told me. I put up with that type of treatment for too long and I’m done. The breaking point came when I tried to talk to her about her behavior towards me and she flew off the handle at me and started talking about how annoying I was and how no one will ever want to be with me and how she “hates” me. I’m really hurt, as this happened just a few days ago. I put so much time and effort into this relationship, and I’m a young man working at a job where I don’t make too much money and I still spent a lot on her. I want her to feel the same pain I feel. I have a lot of the screenshots from the arguments we’ve had where she’s said reprehensible things to me. I want to post them on the internet and attach her name to it, so others can see how bad of a person she is. That’s the only idea I have for now. I don’t want to just “move on” from this and let it be, I want her to feel the same hurt and shame that I feel from this
Life isn't like something from The Godfather. Revenge is for weak and creepy people. And the minute you exact it, the world won't care what this girl did or didn't do. You'll be labeled an awful human being, a moniker you'll deserve.
But, point by point, here is where you need to grow up:
1. The first time she said those harsh things to you, it was her fault. Any time after that, it was your fault because you tolerated it the first time.
2. The same is true of her lies.
3. All that candy, romantic cards, and other stuff? Those weren't tokens of affections. They were bribes.
Strong people walk away from people like that when their character begins to emerge. You didn't, and now you're paying the price. But by plotting revenge, all you're doing is validating her opinion of you.
Last edited by MinivanDriver; 12-06-2017 at 11:29 AM..
Life isn't like something from The Godfather. Revenge is for weak and creepy people. And the minute you exact it, the world won't care what this girl did or didn't do. You'll be labeled an awful human being, a moniker you'll deserve.
But, point by point, here is where you need to grow up:
1. The first time she said those harsh things to you, it was her fault. Any time after that, it was your fault because you tolerated it the first time.
2. The same is true of her lies.
3. All that candy, romantic cards, and other stuff? Those weren't tokens of affections. They were bribes.
Strong people walk away from people like that when their character begins to emerge. You didn't, and now you're paying the price. But by plotting revenge, all you're doing is validating her opinion of you.
I’m willing to take responsibility for my part in enabling her to treat me terribly, I’m fine with that. But I’d love to hear an explanation as to how taking revenge against someone who wronged you terribly makes you a bad person. If some random person comes up to you and punches you in the face, will you smile and hug this person and show them compassion or will you retaliate and strike them back?
If some random person comes up to you and punches you in the face, will you smile and hug this person and show them compassion or will you retaliate and strike them back?
She is not standing in front of you, punching you, now is she?
I’m willing to take responsibility for my part in enabling her to treat me terribly, I’m fine with that. But I’d love to hear an explanation as to how taking revenge against someone who wronged you terribly makes you a bad person. If some random person comes up to you and punches you in the face, will you smile and hug this person and show them compassion or will you retaliate and strike them back?
Or do what you did and let them hit you again and again and even reward them for it with 'goodies'?
And then blame them for it lasting long enough that it left you in this frame of mind.
Because if I do nothing, then she leaves unscathed and I’ll be the only one who’s hurt from this. I want to hurt her in some way as well (not physically).
You cannot.
You get this? This is how it works. You cannot hurt her like she hurt you.
You can only waste more of your time.
Don't do that.
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I didn’t think of it that way. I just want to expose her for people to see what a terrible person she was towards me. And she admitted multiple times in the relationship that she was “harsh” to me, so on some level she did know what she was doing.
I kind of get this, OP. You feel like you need to warn people about her, like you would about a con artist who bilks innocent people out of money. You feel like she should have a permanent warning label around her neck. "DANGER! Approach with caution!' But "caveat emptor" is a basic rule of thumb about getting into relationships. Eveyone is supposed to know they shouldn't rush into things. And yet, many people throw caution to the wind. That's on them. This is why more than a few women insist on getting to know a guy first, maybe over 10 dates or more, before getting more intimately involved.
And here's the thing, in your case; you said you broke up with her several times, but got back together. So your instincts were right, she begged you back, or was very convincing in expressing remorse, or whatever. And maybe the first time she convinced you, but the next time, you got back with her against your better judgment. Whatever the case was, you need to take it all as a learning experience.
You may need to put some distance between yourself and these events, before you can calm down and get a good perspective over it. That's normal. But you just got a crash course in some people's human nature. Abusers will beg, cry (even men, if they think it'll work), show remorse up and down. Don't fall for it. Don't fall for Drama Queens, or people who are verbally abusive. It's a huge red flag. And whatever you do, don't hold this against the next woman you hit it off with. That's a sure way to doom future relationships.
Good luck. Soon enough, this will be over, and in the past. Even though right now, in the heat of the moment, you feel like you need revenge, you'll feel relieved when you have it all behind you.
And P.S. Her karma is that she'll go through the rest of her life doing this to guys, on an emotional roller coaster, without any relationship stability. She doesn't know it yet, but you do. Because of your experience, you can see into her future, and it's not pretty. What more "revenge" do you need? Don't let her suck you into any more negative feelings. By stewing over it, you remain hooked. Unhook yourself.
Here's a really good exercise you can do: write her a poison pen letter. Sit down, and let ALL your thoughts flow onto the page, whatever pops into your head. Write and write, until there's nothing left to say. DO NOT SEND THIS! Instead, create a fire ceremony, in which you watch it go up in flames. You can do this in the kitchen sink (it's safer), or in your back yard, if you have one, or in your barbecue. I guarantee you, you'll feel better after you do this. If you find your anger and resentment returning a couple of days later, repeat the exercise.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 12-06-2017 at 12:18 PM..
I reject the idea that wanting to rightfully hurt someone who unjustly hurt you makes you some sort of a bad person or puts you on “their level”.
Even if it does, so what?
I deleted the rest, because all it actually said was "I'm not listening." Which is fine, and a personal choice.
Do yourself a favor and read the bolded words, your words, above.
Because at this moment that's WHO YOU ARE. Maybe that's who you'll stay. Again, choice. But there is a difference between taking care of business (which won't make her happy) and taking the time to hurt her (which may reveal to people who she is, but also reveals who you are).
It takes all kinds to make the world spin.
Best of luck.
I kind of get this, OP. You feel like you need to warn people about her, like you would about a con artist who bilks innocent people out of money. You feel like she should have a permanent warning label around her neck. "DANGER! Approach with caution!' But "caveat emptor" is a basic rule of thumb about getting into relationships. Eveyone is supposed to know they shouldn't rush into things. And yet, many people throw caution to the wind. That's on them. This is why more than a few women insist on getting to know a guy first, maybe over 10 dates or more, before getting more intimately involved.
And here's the thing, in your case; you said you broke up with her several times, but got back together. So your instincts were right, she begged you back, or was very convincing in expressing remorse, or whatever. And maybe the first time she convinced you, but the next time, you got back with her against your better judgment. Whatever the case was, you need to take it all as a learning experience.
You may need to put some distance between yourself and these events, before you can calm down and get a good perspective over it. That's normal. But you just got a crash course in some people's human nature. Abusers will beg, cry (even men, if they think it'll work), show remorse up and down. Don't fall for it. Don't fall for Drama Queens, or people who are verbally abusive. It's a huge red flag. And whatever you do, don't hold this against the next woman you hit it off with. That's a sure way to doom future relationships.
Good luck. Soon enough, this will be over, and in the past. Even though right now, in the heat of the moment, you feel like you need revenge, you'll feel relieved when you have it all behind you.
And P.S. Her karma is that she'll go through the rest of her life doing this to guys, on an emotional roller coaster, without any relationship stability. She doesn't know it yet, but you do. Because of your experience, you can see into her future, and it's not pretty. What more "revenge" do you need? Don't let her suck you into any more negative feelings. By stewing over it, you remain hooked. Unhook yourself.
Here's a really good exercise you can do: write her a poison pen letter. Sit down, and let ALL your thoughts flow onto the page, whatever pops into your head. Write and write, until there's nothing left to say. DO NOT SEND THIS! Instead, create a fire ceremony, in which you watch it go up in flames. You can do this in the kitchen sink (it's safer), or in your back yard, if you have one. (Make sure there's a hose nearby.) I guarantee you, you'll feel better after you do this. If you find your anger and resentment returning a couple of days later, repeat the exercise.
This is probably my favorite reply in the thread. That’s exactly how I feel, I do want to warn other people and prevent this from happening to someone else. I almost feel bad for her, because I tried to work with her and I thought the reason why she acted like that was because she had a rough life. Everyone, including myself, have some issues. I thought she just had anger problems or something. But I knew deep down that someone who really cared about their partner wouldn’t do and say those types of things. I’ve learned my lesson though and I will look out for that in future relationships. It’s sad that’s what the rest of her life holds, but I can say that I tried to work with her. I like the letter idea and I think I will do that. I have a lot to say about this and I’ve been through so many things being with her. It’d probably be therapeutic for me.
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