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We waited 7 years before marrying. We only got married for practical reasons, such as health insurance. There have been no negative surprises - we knew each other very well, and that connection and compatibility has been sustained.
That said, a long dating period helps ensure that you really know a person and that the things you value in a relationship can be sustained with that person (often, sex declines after 18 months to 2 years, as the initial hormonal rush wears off; what remains after is usually the real baseline you can expect). I always advocate dating a year before living together, then living together for at least a year before deciding to marry, and then having a long engagement - at least a year.
I wish someone would have told me this before, but plan to take this counsel should I ever decide to date again. Thank you
The idea that there is a mathematical formula or even a "rule of thumb" timeline of exactly how many months/days/years you should "wait" before committing to someone is hilarious.
Relationships aren't recipes. You can't mix ingredients together and bake it for a certain amount of time until it comes out perfect. It's a matter of trial and error and hindsight and foresight and a whole lot of other factors including luck.
You take what you know and feel at the time and the other person takes what they know and feel at the time and trust that you both mean what you say, and you go for it. How long all that takes is up to the two of you.
"Let her wait" 5 - 10 years sounds like a mysogenist phrase.
He is a player, expecting others to be players also.
The only solid reason for waiting 5 - 10 years is the hope that something better comes along.
When I was dating, when we got close, I would tell the girl about my goals / dreams for the future. That became my litmus test. The first few times I did it, those girls stopped dating me.
Finally with one girl when I told her about my goals, she immediately responded that she could see dedicating her life to accomplishing those goals. She was living on her own and supporting herself, so when she said that I saw that she was willing to commit herself to my goals.
We dated for less than 6 months, and we have been married 36 years.
The way I see it, regardless of how long you wait for the legal piece of paper, if you don't know in your heart that you want a serious long term commitment with someone after a year or so of a relationship, you should probably do both of you a favor and end it. It takes time to get to know someone, and feelings take a while to develop sometimes, but if you don't know within a year (and again, you don't need to act to make it legal, just know you want the long term) you never will.
But when you make it legal (if ever) should be mutually agreed upon.
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