Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
HELL NAH, FOO. If she ordered an expensive ass meal and she didn't even offer to pitch in....not even pitch in for the tip, then she took advantage of your kindness. While it's not automatic grounds to break things off, I would keep an eye out for this behavior. Hell, I would even talk to her about it and tell her how you feel. Maybe in her mind, she didn't do anything wrong.
This reminds me of a date I went on with this woman. She ordered nearly $40 for sushi but I reluctantly paid for it. And it wasn't that I couldn't afford it,(like a previous poster ignorantly stated in your case) it was the principal of the situation. It's safe to say that her and I didn't make it past the first date; we weren't compatible. (not just the sushi thing, just things in general)
How can you go to any Japanese place that's any good and not spend $40 per person? If you're ordering nothing but cheap California Rolls, you'd might as well take your date to Taco Bell.
Personally, I think the responses in this thread reflect socioeconomic status more than anything. If $50 in a restaurant is a lot of money, this woman committed the crime of the century and has tarnished the name of all women as gold digging opportunists forever. If $50 isn't a soul-crushing amount to you, not ordering an entree similar to the price point of your date is kind of clueless but not a big deal. It's Valentines Day. A Hallmark Event designed to suck your wallet dry. A dozen long stem roses at $3.50 per stem is $50. You gots ta pay to play.
If the budding relationship continues past the first date or two, it's nice for anyone of either sex to reciprocate in some way, even if it's just paying for coffee or an ice cream after a post-meal stroll in the park.
I'm not sure what to think about the "man always pays" part. If I asked someone out and he insisted on paying, I think I would worry that he did so because he believed I was asking him out just for a free meal. Generally, I think if you invite someone out on a date, you should be prepared to pay for the meal, movie, concert ticket, or whatever, unless the relationship has reached the point that you share the decision and the expense.
As for her meal choice, I don't think it makes her a bad person, but when I have been someone's guest at a restaurant, be it on a date, or just a friend who says "my treat," I usually ask what they are having or what is good there, just to get a sense of how much they feel comfortable spending.
Like usual, I'm People's Republic of Dating about this one. If I'm pretty sure I make 3x more income than my date, I'll pick up anything expensive as a matter of course and let them pick up symbolic inexpensive things like your coffee, ice cream, or breakfast. If the situation is reversed, I'm not exactly rushing to grab the check.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,763,058 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit
To be fair I don't see this assertion being made.
Women most certainly do not just want free stuff all the time.
There are women here that posted that they themselves would not try to take advantage of their date's generosity in the manner posted
I have posted having and enjoying the company of ladies in my circle of friends that wouldn't take advantage of my friendship and thus generosity to treat them to a nice dinner.
What we are talking about is one single individual the OP had a dinner date with.
Some women do take advantage of men during dates. The discussion in this thread revolves around whether the actions of this particular individual falls under such behavior.
I personally think it does... The OP felt it does or else he wouldn't post (assuming genuine post). Others do agree. Yet Others don't agree. Fine..
But not go off the deep end.... The world isn't anti women as you sometimes make it out to be. Just like some men sometimes make it sound like there is a feminist-extremist-boogeywoman hiding in every corner... Which is silly as well.
I am giving the OP the benefit of doubt. Sounds like he felt like the date was a hustle... He wasn't here just pushing buttons. He probably determined his decision on the matter on page 1 or 2 and moved on. There really isn't much for him to add... Perception is everything... And the end result is the end result whether or not one intended it. One does still take responsibility for the perceived intent behind their choices and actions. If one doesnt wants to seem superficial and materialistic, then don't do things that look like you are.
Thank you for saying this.
I appreciate all the women who have said that what the date did is in poor taste. They get that ordering something that is 3x as expensive as your date's choice and not offering to pitch in is not a good look in 2018, yes even on Valentine's Day.
I appreciate all the women who have said that what the date did is in poor taste. They get that ordering something that is 3x as expensive as your date's choice and not offering to pitch in is not a good look in 2018, yes even on Valentine's Day.
What if they give you a BJ in the parking lot afterwards?
Should have done a lunch date. I wouldn’t ask her for dinner anymore. She obviously has no concern for your budget. If she asks why no more dinners you tell her the truth. She has got to pony up if she wants to order that much. That’s one of the problems with dating, you just never know what your dealing with. Now you have a sign about her personality.
This is a product of, "Hey, do you want to go to this GREAT seafood place that, among other seafood choices, sells steak and lobster, but not order the steak and lobster? 'Cause if you do...I'm going to have to REALLY wonder about you."
It was a test. (I don't want to outright say "setup." So I'll be generous with that.)
The girl apparently failed.
Time to move along.
It may also have been his dates test for him. To see if he really did want her to feel special and wasn't cheap.
OP, Ask her to so something nice, but less expensive like others have suggested. It sounds like it may be at least worth exploring your connection with her. Pick up coffees and stroll around an interesting area and just talk and spend time getting to know her and allowing her to get to know you.
That will allow you to see if you really have a connection and if the fun is a constant without a price tag. You can make up that expensive meal by a couple of inexpensive outings in no time. And, she may even ask you out at some point.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,763,058 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD
What if they give you a BJ in the parking lot afterwards?
People are still making this a damn joke. Look if I wanted just a BJ, I'd gotten it by bypassing the medium of dating and getting a hooker. The reason why I still participate in this ed up dating game of 2018 is because I just can't screw someone I have no emotional connection to. I accept that dating and spending money is a necessary evil to get someone I have a connection too. Doesn't mean I can't call out problems in the process.
I'm sorry for all of the single people here who have to deal with things like this. Makes me glad I am married. Either way I'd rather stay home and eat than go out to a restaurant anyway
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Look if I wanted just a BJ, I'd gotten it by bypassing the medium of dating and getting a hooker. The reason why I still participate in this 
ed up dating game of 2018 is because I just can't screw someone I have no emotional connection to. I accept that dating and spending money is a necessary evil to get someone I have a connection too. Doesn't mean I can't call out problems in the process. 
