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Old 10-08-2016, 12:08 AM
 
25,988 posts, read 33,003,034 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thenwhatareyou View Post
I moved back home because my husband and I lived rural and I was not comfortable living there alone. i had nowhere else to go.

The small town that I am in seems to lend itself to family. I watched my grandmother live her small town life and die without ever a hint of pleasure beyond her family. Even though I have been gone for many years. and had a good, full life I find myself back living that same old boring life and I'm scared to death that I may die living the mundane.

It's not easy to say, move somewhere exciting, a big city, when you are all alone.

Maybe, I'm not asking for advice, but to warn others, don't only look out for who you love, but look out for yourself.
Sounds like you led a strange life. My son is the best thing I ever did, and yeah I would do most anything for him. But good grief that doesn't mean I don't know how to have fun and enjoy life by myself. I love being on my own, always have. You need to get some self-confidence. Get out there!

 
Old 10-08-2016, 12:11 AM
 
25,988 posts, read 33,003,034 times
Reputation: 32213
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
I always find it amusing when older people who have not dated in 40 or 45 or 50 or 55 years think dating is the same today as it was back then, in high school in 1955 or 1958 or 1959 or maybe college or young adulthood, and that women are the same now as then or that cultural mores haven't changed.

And that thinking online dating is almost just like regular dating. It rarely is.

.
Sorry, but "online dating" is nothing more than another venue to see what is out there. No one dates ONLINE. Once you meet someone, the "online" part is history and dating is EXACTLY the same as "regular dating".

I've done enough of it to know how it works, and it works very well.
 
Old 10-08-2016, 12:14 AM
 
25,988 posts, read 33,003,034 times
Reputation: 32213
Quote:
Originally Posted by thenwhatareyou View Post
Hello all! I'm back. That is exactly what I did. I just came back from a cruise. I had a great time and met wonderful people. It really lifted my spirits and encouraged me to get out more.

You have all given me some great advice and that is exactly what I needed. I'm looking into a few things where I can meet more people and the next time I meet someone at the car dealership or wherever, I'm going to reach out. What's the worse that could happen, they say no.

Again, I appreciate the ideas that you have put forth and it is a great help.
Huh???

Something smells.
 
Old 10-08-2016, 06:42 AM
 
16,019 posts, read 19,688,452 times
Reputation: 26200
[quote=thenwhatareyou;45685297]I retired at 52 when my husband was 61 and went on disability.


I knew his days were numbered and we made the best of it. We traveled and did what we wanted to do and he made sure that I would be well enough off that I could stay retired. We had a wonderful time.


Maybe revisit some of those places that you and your husband enjoyed. It doesn't matter if your home place remains where you are, what you need are a few trips a year to keep you excited about life. This will help you over time to expand your horizons so to speak. You may even decide that one of these destinations is where you prefer to live fulltime.


When he passed, I moved back home and hoped that I would have a life worth living but it's not working out. My relatives are either scared of their own shadow and don't travel outside of their small town or they work and can't get time off or they only spend time with their children.

I'm lost.
I find myself baking and cooking, only to have the company. This is not how I want to spend the rest of my life.



You moved home in the midst of new grief, it was practical. Now you've had enough time to realize it likely isn't your preferred long term location. If you have the means, start exploring your options for another city that has more to offer in any area of your interests. Cultivate more hobbies. Or, expand on your baking...Catering part time?? Have you ever considered selling your baking, or teaching baking classes.

Another idea.....Bed and Breakfast....Have you ever considered doing that. Your baking and cooking talents would be a plus, and you could meet lots of interesting people.!



Did I focus too much on my husband and not look forward to my own future? Do I expect too much from my family? Am I supposed to wait until there are more widows that understand my position and want to take part. I feel like I am rotting away. It's so sad.

You focused your time appropriately. Now you are beyond that, you are still young enough to want more than what you perceive, but likely still hesitant being a single female to go get it.

Sit and write down what you would like your day to day existence to be like....and set your goals in finding that. You may wind up just close enough geographically that you can still visit your relatives when the mood strikes you, and far enough that the typical small town life doesn't feel so smothering.

I think others have suggested looking for opportunities to travel with University groups, or travel agencies that offer all inclusive packages where being a single woman won't make you feel like a 5th wheel.

Heck, maybe you should explore how to take your own group of folks traveling. You seem to enjoy company, so this might be a great opportunity to look at becoming a travel agent, or simply research how to start a travel group. It might be a lot of fun. (links below)

If you have the funds, go for it. The only one holding you back is you. Decide what your interests are, and research where these things take place, and look for opportunities to go there. You can make this happen.

If your husband loved traveling, think about how much enjoyment you had together and do it for him. You will be fine, you are simply bored and at loose ends. It is actually a very healthy sign imo....You are returning to your normal self. Take strength from that.

If you feel like you need some grief counseling seek out that support, either grief groups, or individual to help you get centered. You have options to explore, explore them. You got this.


Travel
How to Start a Travel Club: 7 Steps (with Pictures)
Cruise.com Home Based Travel Agency Program
Inc.'s 2009 Guide to Starting a Business: How to Start an Adventure Travel Company | Inc.com
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...roup&FORM=VDRE

B&B
http://bandb.about.com/cs/aspiring/a/decisions.htm
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...fast&FORM=VDRE

Last edited by JanND; 10-08-2016 at 06:59 AM.. Reason: revised/links
 
Old 10-08-2016, 07:07 AM
 
Location: East Texas
506 posts, read 464,568 times
Reputation: 700
Why not try a national dating service just for fun? I mean, if you like the idea of getting up n the morning and checking your dating website for all the pics of available men and perhaps chatting or emailing them you could find that a blast ! Widows are in demand; lots of single men out there who want a partner. Consider yourself lucky you don't have to be at a job at 8am to 5pm five or six days a week.
I bet you're a lot younger than I am. If I were ten years younger I'd be visiting with the neighbor ladies and finding some to go dancing with ! Or at least the movies or lunch. Then at night if I were home I'd watch old movies or read some good books. I'd lose the baking bit. Way too boring for a young widow.
 
Old 10-08-2016, 07:08 AM
 
16,019 posts, read 19,688,452 times
Reputation: 26200
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
it's mind-blowing how great the posts are in this thread! I think so anyway. i'm bowled over.
You are right, fantastic links among the posts. I'm bookmarking this thread for my own reference. Such great CD posters! I wish I could rep all of you!

OP, I hope that so many ideas will encourage you. You are truly blessed to have options many of us won't. Please update and share as you proceed!

This just gave me another idea. OP....Maybe start a web page with ideas for others in your same position....Too young to just be happy sitting at home. Share your adventures and ideas with others. That might give you lots of reasons to use your adventurous nature and help others at the same time.
 
Old 10-08-2016, 07:19 AM
 
Location: Mount Airy, Maryland
10,462 posts, read 5,930,681 times
Reputation: 16156
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Huh???

Something smells.
What a cold thing to say. Still trying to understand why you would even say it but maybe that's just who you are.
 
Old 10-08-2016, 08:38 AM
 
8,201 posts, read 11,915,499 times
Reputation: 17994
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
here is the full study cited above in full-text:
http://www.pnas.org/content/110/25/10135.full.pdf

If you look at the cited study much more closely and in full-text with charts, one finds that only 3 percent of marriages of those 65 and over are the result of online activity. And just 12 percent of those between 50 and 64 met online.

Since this is the retirement forum, I was speaking mostly about older people and retired people regarding online dating in my previous posts.

In all age groups in this study, 34 percent met online, and 64 percent met in traditional ways. But only half of that 34 percent in all age groups met through internet dating sites like Match.com and eHarmony. (so 17 percent in all age groups met using internet dating sites) The study's definition of meeting 'online' includes way more than just internet dating sites like eHarmony and match.com. The study's definition of meeting online includes chat rooms, discussion groups, social networking, game sites, online communities, instant messaging, virtual world.
Oh, so you finally decided to read for yourself some of those "many websites" and studies on Internet dating that accused me of never having looked at, huh?

Well, isn't that special!

And even if we go by your response above, a considerable number of people do, in fact, have success with online dating, don't they?

So by what you wrote above (see bold), 1 out of 6 people in all age groups met using Internet dating sites. And even if you limit it to the 50-64 age group, it's roughly 1 out of 8.

That's a far cry from your unbelievably ludicrous 1 out of 100s and 100s of thousands now, isn't it? Well?

Apology accepted.
 
Old 10-08-2016, 08:44 AM
 
172 posts, read 140,161 times
Reputation: 286
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveinMtAiry View Post
What a cold thing to say. Still trying to understand why you would even say it but maybe that's just who you are.
Read through these posts more thoroughly and you might see something different, Dave. LOTS of people think something's rotten in Denmark.
 
Old 10-08-2016, 01:27 PM
 
5,426 posts, read 3,450,730 times
Reputation: 13709
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
here is the full study cited above in full-text:
http://www.pnas.org/content/110/25/10135.full.pdf

If you look at the cited study much more closely and in full-text with charts, one finds that only 3 percent of marriages of those 65 and over are the result of online activity. And just 12 percent of those between 50 and 64 met online.

In all age groups in this study, 34 percent met online, and 64 percent met in traditional ways. But only half of that 34 percent in all age groups met through internet dating sites like Match.com and eHarmony. (so 17 percent in all age groups met using internet dating sites) The study's definition of meeting 'online' includes way more than just internet dating sites like eHarmony and match.com. The study's definition of meeting online includes chat rooms, discussion groups, social networking, game sites, online communities, instant messaging, virtual world.
MadMan at posts #115 and at post #148,

The study I cite above at post #119 is the study upon which the article you cited at #115 is based.

article MadMan presented: https://news.uchicago.edu/article/20...ring-marriages

study upon which Madman's presented article above is based - the full study which I pulled up to read closely http://www.pnas.org/content/110/25/10135.full.pdf

Whoever wrote the article you present did not summarize the study accurately. The article has errors and omits important points about the study.

I did not depend upon the article for accuracy - I closely read the study upon which the article is supposedly based and which the article cites as its source of information.


If you look at the cited study much more closely and in full-text with charts, one finds that only 3 percent of marriages of those 65 and over are the result of online activity. And just 12 percent of those between 50 and 64 met online..

In all age groups in this study, 34 percent met online, and 64 percent met in traditional ways. But only half of that 34 percent in all age groups met through internet dating sites like Match.com and eHarmony. (so 17 percent in all age groups met using internet dating sites) The study's definition of meeting 'online' includes way more than just internet dating sites like eHarmony and match.com. The study's definition of meeting online includes chat rooms, discussion groups,
social networking, game sites, online communities, instant messaging,virtual world.

This article does not focus on the many 1000's of people who use internet dating sites (there are many internet dating sites) every month and every year who find a good deal of problems connected with using online dating sites. As just one example and in just one category of problems, Match.com has been found to add phony profiles and phony photos of very handsome men to attract women and to make women think someone very handsome with a great profile is contacting them when it's a phony profile/photo set up by Match.com to encourage women to renew monetarily for another 3 months. And the profiles of the handsome men then disappear.

This thread is not majorly about meeting people on internet dating sites though. I wasn't going to mention it again, but you came back with your comments at #148 (and at #115)

Since one of your posts in a different thread got cut & shortened yesterday due to insults by you which were deemed 'flaming' I would suggest you stop using your derisive tone with people - it is very unnecessary. I've seen your rampant insults to people.

Last edited by matisse12; 10-08-2016 at 02:55 PM..
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