U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 09-30-2017, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Milwaukee Area of WI
1,886 posts, read 1,296,017 times
Reputation: 1988

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by carnivalday View Post
None of this could have been a surprise to you. You knew he was going to be retiring, and going on Medicare. You havent mentioned how much he will be making after retirement, but its very possible that with all that he is paying for, and will still be paying for after retirement, that he just can't afford another bill.

Truthfully, you need to take some responsibility for this. You were on his health plan for years, you had to know that would be coming to an end soon.

You've been given a lot of options. Actually his response of "go without, get a different job, or find a way to pay for private insurance" about sums it up. You dont want to change your job, you are trying to pay off other debt; its up to you to decide whats more important.
Well, no I have not been on the spouse's insurance for "years". Maybe 4.
I am not trying to get sympathy or get out of a responsibility. I am simply asking what others have done with this problem.

My shock was that my spouse didn't try to say that we would figure out a solution TOGETHER. Instead, I was just told I was "on my own with it.....so sad, to bad". That is not right.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-30-2017, 02:48 PM
 
350 posts, read 257,774 times
Reputation: 1111
"claims to love me". I bet he did love you when you were the new young wife. lol Sounds like he's not going to change. You either have to accept it or leave. Either way, unfortunately sounds like you need to find a new job with benefits. Your son can take the bus to school.


Since your husband is older than you, I would think he'd be a little more kinder to his possible future caretaker.


A friend found a new job with benefits when she was in her fifties. She worked in a nursing home taking care of patients. Money was good and so were the health benefits.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2017, 02:55 PM
 
4,004 posts, read 3,223,268 times
Reputation: 13034
You havent mentioned how much money he will be making once retired. I thought you had mentioned on an earlier thread that he would get very little pension. He may simply not have the extra money.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2017, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Milwaukee Area of WI
1,886 posts, read 1,296,017 times
Reputation: 1988
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbtondo View Post
"claims to love me". I bet he did love you when you were the new young wife. lol Sounds like he's not going to change. You either have to accept it or leave. Either way, unfortunately sounds like you need to find a new job with benefits. Your son can take the bus to school.


Since your husband is older than you, I would think he'd be a little more kinder to his possible future caretaker.


A friend found a new job with benefits when she was in her fifties. She worked in a nursing home taking care of patients. Money was good and so were the health benefits.
When I was the "new wife" at 40.....yeah LOL

My son is getting his driver's license in Dec and already has a car.

Somehow it will work out. I just have to find the right option.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2017, 03:02 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,890 posts, read 25,331,777 times
Reputation: 26388
Seeing that your H is all about I, ME, ME, MINE... He needs to be reminded you are legally married. If you should become seriously ill, you and he would be jointly responsible for the bills. I don't know what assets you have but some of what he is counting on could just disappear. Or the two of you could be forced into bankruptcy. Leaving you without insurance is most likely not a risk free proposition for him either.

Meanwhile go on the ACA website and put in everything like he was already retired and see what insurance would cost for sure!

Listen to your H when he talks. He is telling you how he feels about you. Believe him. He is telling you who he is. You said he has a pension. I would be finding out about survivorship options that cover YOU if he dies. And BTW this means a lower monthly payout but if you die first he can get the difference back.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2017, 03:10 PM
 
6,321 posts, read 5,061,406 times
Reputation: 12838
Don't sell yourself short. I'm sure you can get a position with benefits.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2017, 03:16 PM
 
904 posts, read 654,987 times
Reputation: 908
Quote:
Originally Posted by funisart View Post
She never said that she wanted him to work longer. I guess if the husband had a heart attack tomorrow, he would expect her to take care of him. Would serve him right if she refused. A good marriage is a partnership. Why shouldn't he help her find and pay for health insurance. If she had an accident or bad illness without health insurance- her jerk of a husband would be on the hook for the high cost of care-because they are married. No common sense.
How about personal accountability? What if..... ? But to your point: it doesn’t sound like a healthy union. He want “buy” health ins. She doesn’t want to change. Quite the conundrum. I would need to know so much more before I could make a call, either way. For instance, I have never understood the mindset that healthcare is a “right”. It’s something that is bought. My questions for the OP would be along the lines of: is he able? Can they make adjustments to lifestyle? Sell boat, car, rv etc.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2017, 03:22 PM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,435 posts, read 1,671,079 times
Reputation: 8704
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
Seeing that your H is all about I, ME, ME, MINE... He needs to be reminded you are legally married. If you should become seriously ill, you and he would be jointly responsible for the bills. I don't know what assets you have but some of what he is counting on could just disappear. Or the two of you could be forced into bankruptcy. Leaving you without insurance is most likely not a risk free proposition for him either.

Meanwhile go on the ACA website and put in everything like he was already retired and see what insurance would cost for sure!

Listen to your H when he talks. He is telling you how he feels about you. Believe him. He is telling you who he is. You said he has a pension. I would be finding out about survivorship options that cover YOU if he dies. And BTW this means a lower monthly payout but if you die first he can get the difference back.
The bolded may not be true. DH's pension plan does not revert back to the single higher rate if I die first. We asked, as we learned some plans do and others don't.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2017, 03:24 PM
 
904 posts, read 654,987 times
Reputation: 908
Quote:
Originally Posted by mortpes View Post
My wife was in the same position. Although over the years I informed her of my retirement and how that affected her she never made any attempt to provide for her basic needs in retirement. Fortunately I was able to step up and cover the $600 per month insurance cost. My retirement was less so due to the lack of preparation on her part.
That’s pretty much the expectation unfortunately. I hope I’m never in that position, again.( similar situation, previous marriage, I retired at 45) My wife is 17 years younger than me, so it could. (54 / 37).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2017, 03:26 PM
 
904 posts, read 654,987 times
Reputation: 908
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
Seeing that your H is all about I, ME, ME, MINE... He needs to be reminded you are legally married. If you should become seriously ill, you and he would be jointly responsible for the bills. I don't know what assets you have but some of what he is counting on could just disappear. Or the two of you could be forced into bankruptcy. Leaving you without insurance is most likely not a risk free proposition for him either.

Meanwhile go on the ACA website and put in everything like he was already retired and see what insurance would cost for sure!

Listen to your H when he talks. He is telling you how he feels about you. Believe him. He is telling you who he is. You said he has a pension. I would be finding out about survivorship options that cover YOU if he dies. And BTW this means a lower monthly payout but if you die first he can get the difference back.
Good advice!! But why is he the selfish one?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top