Why do some couples spend so much time apart?

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by ReachTheBeach

She spelled out exactly why it is my fault. Some legit reasons.

• I used to drink too much; never affected my job, no DUIs, but I agree that is correct. It has been over two years since I had a drink, which is the longest I have ever made it and I really believe it feels different and I have a shot at being done with it. I am scared of what happens to elderly problem drinkers.
• I lied about drinking sometimes.
• I had a hard time accepting a diagnosis of type 2 bipolar disorder and often went off my meds and had some mood swings. I have been taking them as prescribed for over two years; I started back on them not long before I stopped drinking; probably not a coincidence.
• A number of years ago, I had something of a deep spiritual journey that ended up where you might least expect it to; away from any organized religion. Church is important to my wife.

That's a pretty severe list. I would understand if she wanted to split up. She doesn't, but she also doesn't want to have much of a relationship and I don't mean just the lack of sex.

I floated the "fishing cabin" idea a few years ago. We had one somewhat close by about 20 years ago and we went there together a lot of weekends. It was a mutual decision to buy it and we sold it only because it was too small for our growing family. As they have gotten older, I brought up the idea of getting something similar again, but this time further south so it would be a winter getaway. She was not interested in doing that. She has brought the idea back up somewhat recently and been clear that it isn't anything she is interested in. It would be just for me.

I get the impression from threads like this that this isn't as unusual as I think.

I have asked her about improving the relationship. I should try to pin her down because what I get is that she is okay with just being house mates (we are not room mates; different rooms for years) and each doing our own thing.

Yes, big mistakes, but also quite awhile ago. Does she know how long it might take to let it go? or if she can? How long did those problems go on? I hope you guys can come to a happy medium somehow. Have you considered couples counseling? Or, are you content with the way it is now? That happens too.

[cp102]

I have been married 44 years and we enjoy being it together. We retired early together and spend most of our day with each other. We have the same likes and dislikes, enjoy the same things. We. Enjoy spending our days together. I not only love my husband I like him. He truly is my best friend.

[Deoge]

Originally Posted by AlexTheCat

My wife and I have been married 35 years. I trust her and I know she trusts me. And to get to the bottom line, geez, we have seen each other almost every day for the past 35 years. If she wants to go out with her friends, I encourage her. For example, what are a bunch of ladies in their 60s and 70s going to do at the National Button Convention in Portland, OR this August? I am a homebody, so I do not mind staying at home. And more important than love, I like my wife.

What he said.

I am about ready to retire but am working full time and my wife part time. Mrs. Deoge is off during the summer. Just this month she has gone to California to see her family, Texas to see one of our daughters and Georgia to see the other while I worked. I was in Bulgaria for work at the time. I will see the girls in a few months when we fly them here for Thanksgiving.

I married a very independent woman. We truly enjoy hanging out together and we truly enjoy our down time from each other.

[cb2008]

Originally Posted by Deoge

What he said.

I am about ready to retire but am working full time and my wife part time. Mrs. Deoge is off during the summer. Just this month she has gone to California to see her family, Texas to see one of our daughters and Georgia to see the other while I worked. I was in Bulgaria for work at the time. I will see the girls in a few months when we fly them here for Thanksgiving.

I married a very independent woman. We truly enjoy hanging out together and we truly enjoy our down time from each other.

Our marriage is similar to this. My husband has always encouraged me to be independent- go back to school and get my degree, while he cared for our baby; encouraged me to get a job, and later on to go back and get my MFA which took me out of town for periods of time. He also enjoyed his own time and was happy when I saw my friends and travelled. I value all that. Just our interests don’t match.