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Old 06-27-2019, 04:57 PM
 
1,319 posts, read 642,453 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ikoolu View Post
after 37 years of marriage and retired we BOTH NEED me time - OMG 24/7/365 is just to much to take - happily i have a wood shop to go to, a lake 3 mile away and friends who like to hunt and shoot

she can go shopping all day and volunteer to her hearts desire
So happy, after over 40 years, we don` feel that way.
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Old 06-27-2019, 05:01 PM
 
1,319 posts, read 642,453 times
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After reading all the post.....so happy DH, and I are not happy to get away from each other. I understand, some couples need their space, and time apart......but glad we are not one of them.
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Old 06-27-2019, 05:24 PM
 
Location: Venus
4,760 posts, read 3,187,386 times
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I was just talking to Hubby about this the other day. We have a big house. We get our "alone time" with me in the living room reading the Washington Post on my tablet, and he will be up here in the officer reading it on his laptop. Right now, he is down in the kitchen making dinner and I am up here in the office. We get our alone time but we also know that the other is close by if needed. Both of us wouldn't have it any other way.

There are those rare occasions when we will do something that doesn't involve the other-have an appointment or go to the store. Yesterday, I did go out with his sister for the day (casino-which he doesn't like to do). I joked to SIL that he will probably call when we are in a town that is about 5 minutes away. Sure enough, just as we hit the town's border he called. "Where are you?" I think he missed us.


Cat
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Old 06-27-2019, 10:35 PM
 
9,344 posts, read 6,245,937 times
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Because they want to!
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Old 06-28-2019, 03:44 AM
 
160 posts, read 88,912 times
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I've been married for 37 years. While I love my husband I have fun with friends doing things that my husband doesn't enjoy. To me, it seems strange to see couples that have been married for a very long time having to do everything together! I really don't get that.
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Old 06-28-2019, 04:32 AM
 
Location: R.I.
970 posts, read 602,748 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marcandme View Post
After reading all the post.....so happy DH, and I are not happy to get away from each other. I understand, some couples need their space, and time apart......but glad we are not one of them.

My late husband and I were married for 15 years when he passed in 2001 when I was 44 and he was 49. He worked crazy retail hours and I worked crazy nursing hours and sometimes it felt like we were two ships passing in the night. We somehow managed to make the most of our time off from work spending quality time together as well as quality time apart which included he enjoying playing occasional golf and going to sporting events with his father, brother, and 2 BILs. And I at that time was involved in showing one of our 2 golden retrievers at dog shows which involved me an active member of a national and local breed club as well as our breed rescue.

As I would learn the hard way life is short and no amount of years spend with people we love is ever enough. But I have absolutely no regrets about the life my husband and I lived devoting some of our time to individual interests because those interests made our lives more enjoyable together as well as apart. And quite honestly, after my husband passed although I missed him terribly and still do minus the intense pain I felt in the early years following my loss, having maintained interests and friends outside of my marriage most certainly helped eased my grief, and the ability find a life still worth living following my loss was very important to me because at 44 I could possibly have 40+ years of living my life ahead of me. My older sister on the other hand at the age of 56 lost her husband to cancer 3 years after my husband died had a much harder and still does to some extent find a life beyond her loss. They had a wonderful close marriage and lived very active lives. But their activities were always for the most part done together along with having the same friends. And those friendships which were all couples, with my sister now being single those friendships gradually dissolved. And that along with my sister having no friendships and interests of her own, with her two children living in different parts of the country life became very lonely for her and she eventually sold her home and relocated back here to be closer to me and our parents who were still living at that time. Fortunately she maintained over the 25+ years living in another state long distance friendships with some of her childhood friends that she was able to begin again spending time with when she relocated back, still to this day she just was never able to pursue independent interests and activities which as a result she does from time to time suffer from loneliness.

Nobody every wants to think about what will become of their lives or their spouse's lives after loss. But it is a reality all married individuals will face. And for some of us our lives could continue for many years following the loss of our spouse, and if we don't have activities and people in our lives that help make our lives continue to be meaningful those years after loss can result in a very miserable existence.
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Old 06-28-2019, 04:48 AM
 
897 posts, read 1,520,109 times
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Two weeks after retirement my wife said "I married you for life not for lunch". I got involved in outside activities.
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Old 06-28-2019, 06:48 AM
 
6,293 posts, read 3,564,804 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dnkw View Post
I remember reading, as a newlywed, a letter in Dear Abby where the writer said something like “my heart breaks every time I hear someone complain about their spouse’s snoring - I’d give anything to still have my beloved husband lying beside me, snoring and all”. That letter has stayed with me all these years.
A long time ago a wise person said to me (tenting her fingers to make an upside-down vee) "Don't build a relationships where two people lean on each other. If one moves the other falls down." Then she demonstrated by moving one of her fingers and the other finger collapsing.

"Instead, a strong marriage is two individuals standing side by side." She illustrated by holding up her two index fingers side by side. "Then if someone moves, the other doesn't have to fall down."

That created a vivid picture in my memory that has stayed with me. Such a good way to suggest good advice!
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Old 06-28-2019, 07:33 AM
 
2,730 posts, read 871,625 times
Reputation: 4023
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Okay - this might not be a retirement question, but the people that i personally know that do this are retirement age

What is up with this?

Almost every other weekend spent with the "girls'

Trips where the wife doesn't even know where the hubby is going, and she really doesn't care.

Now i have a roommate and he gets on my nerves, but we are not in a relationship, so who cares.

But if i was married, no way would i want to have this type of thing going on.

Do people just stay married for convenience? Is that necessary in this day and age?

Just asking....

As people age, their relationships sometimes change, and time apart is a very good thing. I love ice cream, but I wouldn't want to eat it day after day after day after day. Same thing with seeing too much of my mate.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is a very true saying.
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Old 06-28-2019, 07:59 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,873 posts, read 23,136,786 times
Reputation: 37275
Every marriage is different.

It is unfortunate to read the posts that imply those marriages that are comprised of 2 individuals who are fine pursuing individual interests are somehow "less than" in love/committed/best friends. Why the judgement?
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