Do Seattle's women hate black men in general or something? (Pacific: neighborhood, buying)

[blueshogun96]

NOTE: If you are one of those overly sensitive people who tend to take things personally and easily get their feelings hurt over someone's opinions or negative experiences posted on an insignificant internet forum, then I suggest you not read this post and maybe grow up a little before reading it. You've been warned.

This is something I've been pondering for quite a while now as I see more and more women who are more or less blatant when they say they don't like black men. Why is this? I'm an ambitious and well educated single black man who is a game programmer forming his own Ltd. and strives to be a better person everyday. While I don't consider myself "actively looking" mainly because I don't have time for anymore of that dating nonsense and the games that women tend to play, I do periodically browse dating ads and what not to see what's available. I've been to many places (coast to coast), and I've never in my life seen a city with so many women that say that they want nothing to do with a black man in particular!

Quite frankly, I've been to Tennessee (a state that's rumored to be racist) and the women there were nicer to me than anywhere I've ever been, ever. Here, the most common excuse I see is "I don't date black men" both online and in person. This is coming from both black and white women. Why is this? What makes us so undesirable? I don't have the nasty ghetto attitude, smoke weed or do drugs, wear baggy and sagging clothes, or listen to that stupid booty gorilla noise known as rap either, so what's the problem? I understand that people have preferences and it's okay to be honest about them; even I have my own. But I never say "I don't date black women" because "OMG u is sooooo racist!!!!"

Don't get me wrong, I could honestly care less who likes me and who doesn't, especially women because I've had to deal with their biased criticism so long (mainly because I couldn't finish my degree and because my income level is less) it doesn't even effect me (and no, I'm not sexist, anymore). Also, if you plan to respond with "Not all women are like that" and other similar statements, please do me a favour and just save it! I never said the word "all", you did. I did say "in general", meaning that for many it's generally true. I'm not the only one who notices this either.

I love this city, just not it's women, that's for sure. This is a city I can only recommend to black men who have a good head on their shoulders and want to pursue a great IT career, not a place to do that and find a good wife that doesn't love you for your money/status. I don't recommend searching the haystack for a needle either. There are exceptions to every rule, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Thoughts?

Shogun.

[kreebby]

You do seem sexist in your post. "The games women play", uh, it takes two to tango my friend. I have the same complaint about many guys. Men can play games just as easily as women.

Some people just aren't attracted to certain races. That's nothing personal, either.

[MysticalDream]

Blue Shogun.. Keep your head up buddy.. Women, especially on dating profiles can be vain, self-righteous and superficial. This is one reason I will never date on a dating website. You seem like a good guy. One thing you absolutely cannot do if dating in a place like Seattle, that is mostly Caucasian, is you, yourself, make race an issue. When I say that, I mean don't present yourself as a single "Black" professional or "black" man. Just introduce yourself as a man. I have seen more black men with white women then black women with white men. Please explain this to me? I think that it goes both ways. When you are a minority in a place with a different ethnic makeup, you will have a bit tougher time. Imagine me, as a white guy, trying to find a date in a predominately black neighborhood of Detroit or New Orleans? I bet it would be lot harder for me, then for you to find a date in Seattle.

Anyway, you just got to leave your race aside, even if it hurts. Trust me, dating profiles can be offensive. Many women say they won't date a man who isn't 6 feet tall, a specific hair color or muscular build. Just more superficial online dating BS.

Basically, let go of any thoughts of being black. You're in a city of mostly white, Asian with a small minority black/latino. If you want to mix in the melting pot, go in there as a just a guy. You seem bright and open to culture mixing. I've met so many black guys who have just blended in and eventually find a white wife. You may also look into finding a group of friends. Meeting women through social events and friends usually results in them focusing more on your personality than your ethnicity. Dating sites just attract losers, IMO. Dating in this day and age just sucks.. Have a positive attitude, even when they put you down.. Ignore the losers and women who are bigoted.. Seattle has like 4+ million people.. You are bound to find the woman who will care for your inside, but it takes searching. A lot of women know when a guy has it on the ball and that radiates.

I also didn't finish my degree. I am a software developer and college degree in this career is worth about as much as the paper its written on. I'd rather spend the extra 3 years I would have in school taking liberal arts, basket weaving and other useless classes improving my programming knowledge and getting IT certs. Yeah, I have had a few women who told me they couldn't marry a man who doesn't have a degree either. I say, "Thanks for the espresso!" As that is where a majority of the college grads in the Pacific NW work.. Considering the lowly-element of creatures that get graduated out of colleges these days, I just think college in general is a joke. Not in every field, but many. For many fields, education begins after school. Most people in college learn about catching up and balancing their drinking/partying binges. To me, people who build up their self-worth on college degrees are usually very shallow, ignorant and lack real-world, applicable knowledge. People like this generally seem to be very narrow-minded and lack any depth. Yeah, Seattle is a college-educated city, but many people with these degrees end up not successful. If you are an IT guy, they cannot brag about their liberal arts education to you.

BTW.. My parents live next to a couple who is a black husband and white wife. The guy has yet to mention anything about being black to them. That doesn't even come up in any conversation ever. Very integrated and easy going guy. This is in PDX area, which is culturally similar to Seattle.

Kreebby, He doesn't sounds sexist at all, just discouraged. Give the guy a break.

[Hemlock140]

You cannot generalize about people of an area from the personal ads. There is a reason they have been forced to use online dating.

[Bill Loney]

Originally Posted by blueshogun96

This is something I've been pondering for quite a while now as I see more and more women who are more or less blatant when they say they don't like black men. Why is this?

This statement lends itself to a bigger question.

As a white male, I don't (or haven't) date black women. Now mind you, I'm not against the idea per se. But I'm not so sure I want to deal with all that goes with a biracial relationship. That is a meaningful consideration.

Does this make me racist? I would like to think not. I am quite confident there are many black women that feel the same way about dating white men. And black men who feel the same about dating white women.

Is it possible when women say that say "they don't like black men" (I'm paraphrasing your comments) that what they are saying is they don't want to go down the biracial relationship road?

[seattlenextyear]

What brand of fleece are you wearing? That might be your problem.

[hamellr]

According to a very good female friend who enjoys professional black males, when white women say that they don't like black men, what they're REALLY saying, is that they don't like the stereotypical uneducated, hustling to make a buck, gang member wanna-be, who may have a criminal record, black men.

[willow9713]

Originally Posted by blueshogun96

NOTE: If you are one of those overly sensitive people who tend to take things personally and easily get their feelings hurt over someone's opinions or negative experiences posted on an insignificant internet forum, then I suggest you not read this post and maybe grow up a little before reading it. You've been warned.

This is something I've been pondering for quite a while now as I see more and more women who are more or less blatant when they say they don't like black men. Why is this? I'm an ambitious and well educated single black man who is a game programmer forming his own Ltd. and strives to be a better person everyday. (Good for you, others are as well, that is trying to be better people) While I don't consider myself "actively looking" mainly because I don't have time (note: you stated it yourself you don't have time to date) for anymore of that dating nonsense and the games that women tend to play (men as well BTW), I do periodically browse dating ads and what not to see what's available. (Are you buying a car or maybe looking in the wrong places?) I've been to many places (coast to coast) (me as well and internationally), and I've never in my life seen a city with so many women that say that they want nothing to do with a black man in particular! (Have you tried the friend's of a friend approach instead? or maybe a friend of a colleague)

Quite frankly, I've been to Tennessee (a state that's rumored to be racist) and the women there were nicer to me than anywhere I've ever been, ever. Here, the most common excuse I see is "I don't date black men" both online and in person. (Well that is their problem not yours, and you should run if anyone ever states this, if for no other reason then why would you want to place yourself in that sort of situation?) This is coming from both black and white women. Why is this? What makes us so undesirable? I don't have the nasty ghetto attitude, smoke weed or do drugs, wear baggy and sagging clothes, or listen to that stupid booty gorilla noise known as rap either, so what's the problem? (clearly, this could be most any young man, this day and age) I understand that people have preferences and it's okay to be honest about them; even I have my own. (What are they?) But I never say "I don't date black women" because "OMG u is sooooo racist!!!!"

Don't get me wrong, I could honestly care less who likes me and who doesn't, especially women because I've had to deal with their biased criticism so long (mainly because I couldn't finish my degree and because my income level is less) it doesn't even effect me (see from where I sit it does affect you and it also seems you have had some really bad dealings with women in your life and I am really sorry about that) (and no, I'm not sexist, anymore (ok, I really had to laugh at this statement). Also, if you plan to respond with "Not all women are like that" and other similar statements, please do me a favour and just save it! I never said the word "all", you did. I did say "in general", meaning that for many it's generally true. I'm not the only one who notices this either. (So you really don't want a response to this rant?)

I love this city, just not it's women, that's for sure. This is a city I can only recommend to black men who have a good head on their shoulders and want to pursue a great IT career, not a place to do that and find a good wife (You are not going to find a wife on line in an ad, unless of course you order one from else where) that doesn't love you for your money/status. I don't recommend searching the haystack for a needle either. There are exceptions to every rule, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Thoughts?

Shogun.

My thoughts are this:

You are a never going to find a date or girlfriend or wife until you have a real heart to heart talk with yourself. Are you as angry and hurt in person as you are in this dialog? if so consider a bit of therapy. You first have to love yourself before others can love you.

Remeber when pointing fingers there are always 3 pointing back at you.

Real love finds you when you are not looking for it and smackes you upside the head.

I hope you find exactly what it is you are looking for. Have a blessed day!

[JL1585]

Sup bro? I'm actually black, and while I haven't spent ALOT of time in Seattle, I have spent time in Seattle on 4 separate occasions in the past year and a half. Everytime I was present in the city the women have been nothing but open to me, and sometimes extra friendly. More open than anywhere I've ever been actually.

Literally, I felt like a rapper in a rap video with gold chain but I never had to make it rain. I joke (about the making it rain). But I guess it's been your experience and I can respect that.

I'm moving there soon and don't have any guy friends although I do know a few ladies there, haha maybe we should hang out see if we can both find some luck. Eitherway good luck, and just from my experience, I guess I'd tend to respectfully disagree but when I move there if that changes I'll update my post and tell you you were right haha. Good luck!

[iskray917]

"I could honestly care less who likes me and who doesn't"

sure seems like you care.