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NOTE: If you are one of those overly sensitive people who tend to take things personally and easily get their feelings hurt over someone's opinions or negative experiences posted on an insignificant internet forum, then I suggest you not read this post and maybe grow up a little before reading it. You've been warned.
This is something I've been pondering for quite a while now as I see more and more women who are more or less blatant when they say they don't like black men. Why is this? I'm an ambitious and well educated single black man who is a game programmer forming his own Ltd. and strives to be a better person everyday. While I don't consider myself "actively looking" mainly because I don't have time for anymore of that dating nonsense and the games that women tend to play, I do periodically browse dating ads and what not to see what's available. I've been to many places (coast to coast), and I've never in my life seen a city with so many women that say that they want nothing to do with a black man in particular!
Quite frankly, I've been to Tennessee (a state that's rumored to be racist) and the women there were nicer to me than anywhere I've ever been, ever. Here, the most common excuse I see is "I don't date black men" both online and in person. This is coming from both black and white women. Why is this? What makes us so undesirable? I don't have the nasty ghetto attitude, smoke weed or do drugs, wear baggy and sagging clothes, or listen to that stupid booty gorilla noise known as rap either, so what's the problem? I understand that people have preferences and it's okay to be honest about them; even I have my own. But I never say "I don't date black women" because "OMG u is sooooo racist!!!!"
Don't get me wrong, I could honestly care less who likes me and who doesn't, especially women because I've had to deal with their biased criticism so long (mainly because I couldn't finish my degree and because my income level is less) it doesn't even effect me (and no, I'm not sexist, anymore). Also, if you plan to respond with "Not all women are like that" and other similar statements, please do me a favour and just save it! I never said the word "all", you did. I did say "in general", meaning that for many it's generally true. I'm not the only one who notices this either.
I love this city, just not it's women, that's for sure. This is a city I can only recommend to black men who have a good head on their shoulders and want to pursue a great IT career, not a place to do that and find a good wife that doesn't love you for your money/status. I don't recommend searching the haystack for a needle either. There are exceptions to every rule, even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Thoughts?
Shogun.
From reading your post, I inclinded to think the problem is with you and not racist women, black or white. Could you possibly be sexist??? I think there lies your problem.
It's funny, I stumbled onto this site/thread because I am a (single) white woman who prefers the aesthetic of black men. I do think west coast racism is much more insidious than east coast, but I'm surprised that the OP has heard so many women say that they refuse to date a black guy. That seems rather short-sighted. Just like I have a preference for black men, but I've certainly dated other races.
And I hope that not all of the black men who read this decide to dismiss race completely (though I understand the motivation for diminishing it when meeting someone new). I'm generally interested in the life experiences of other people, so I've had amazing conversations with black men (either friends or men that I've dated) who can tell me about the experience of being black in this country (or world). I wouldn't have any way of knowing about the experience otherwise.
But I think Seattle is just fairly judgmental - anyone who doesn't fit a pre-determined PNW look (super-outdoorsy or wookie-DnD-geek or hipster or goth or whatever) is automatically dismissed. I think black men who fit into any of the typical PNW categories is probably shunned less than one who doesn't.
But I think Seattle is just fairly judgmental - anyone who doesn't fit a pre-determined PNW look (super-outdoorsy or wookie-DnD-geek or hipster or goth or whatever) is automatically dismissed. I think black men who fit into any of the typical PNW categories is probably shunned less than one who doesn't.
From reading your post, I inclinded to think the problem is with you and not racist women, black or white. Could you possibly be sexist??? I think there lies your problem.
If sexism prevented men from getting attention from women, then there would be millions upon millions of single men. It's easy to single out something that may rub you the wrong, but I doubt most women expect to meet many guys who don't have AT LEAST a few sexist views. I mean, you CAN expect that, but...
Ha!
...and to the OP: Stereotypes can be very difficult to shake. I'm 31, black, and am excelling in an industry that is maybe .00000000000001 percent black. While I'm not Carlton Banks, I'm not your stereotypical black guy as seen on BET. I don't even listen to (c)rap. At the same time, I've been on many forums since I started using the net, and I've been mistaken for white no less than two dozen times simply because 1 D0nT tYp3 l1k3 D1s. One woman even said to me, 'Are you serious? I don't believe you! Take a picture of your hand, and write your username on a sheet of paper and place your hand on top of it!" Hell, I used to debate regularly on this philosophy and spiritual forum, and had a no. of individuals who would agree with EVERYTHING I said - i.e. groupies - even when I knew I was just fluffing some crap just to have something to say. Interestingly enough, I revealed I was black one day, and I lost all of my supporters, except for this one white lady who apparently only dated black guys - sorry, but we're not all toting 10 "inchers", lady x's infinity- and she made up for rest of 'em.
In any case, the reality is, because you are black there is a very good chance, when people see you, they see every negative stereotype known associated with being a black male. I'm not even saying this lamentingly. It's just reality, and I have never had a problem accepting that many people would expect me to rob them, have a zillion kids from a zillion different women, or sell drugs long before they'd expect me to be a, dare I say, VERY successful online entrepreneur. I still get women to lock their doors as I walk by their cars, and I wear SUITS just to go grocery shopping. It has zero to do with me as an individual, and more to do with the fact that human beings generally prefer to sum groups of people up in a few easily memorable words, and move along. But, let's cut the crap, stereotypes don't usually materialize out of thin air. For instance, even as a black male who is physically imposing, if I were to see a group of young black males walking down a street, wearing the same colors, I'd be inclined to do what just about everyone would do in that situation: panic; heave everything I'm holding skyward; and run like hell.
Stop the pity party, dude. Really. Unless you're hideous, or just unbearable otherwise, someone will want you. Now, if you're one of those type of people who can't sleep at night because they're not desired by everyone, then ......
...and besides, aren't black male/white female couples far more common in the Seattle metro than most EVERYWHERE in the United States? I mentioned white women, because I would hope you're not in Seattle expecting a smorgasbord of black women.
If sexism prevented men from getting attention from women, then there would be millions upon millions of single men. It's easy to single out something that may rub you the wrong, but I doubt most women expect to meet many guys who don't have AT LEAST a few sexist views. I mean, you CAN expect that, but...
Ha!
...and to the OP: Stereotypes can be very difficult to shake. I'm 31, black, and am excelling in an industry that is maybe .00000000000001 percent black. While I'm not Carlton Banks, I'm not your stereotypical black guy as seen on BET. I don't even listen to (c)rap. At the same time, I've been on many forums since I started using the net, and I've been mistaken for white no less than two dozen times simply because 1 D0nT tYp3 l1k3 D1s. One woman even said to me, 'Are you serious? I don't believe you! Take a picture of your hand, and write your username on a sheet of paper and place your hand on top of it!" Hell, I used to debate regularly on this philosophy and spiritual forum, and had a no. of individuals who would agree with EVERYTHING I said - i.e. groupies - even when I knew I was just fluffing some crap just to have something to say. Interestingly enough, I revealed I was black one day, and I lost all of my supporters, except for this one white lady who apparently only dated black guys - sorry, but we're not all toting 10 "inchers", lady x's infinity- and she made up for rest of 'em.
In any case, the reality is, because you are black there is a very good chance, when people see you, they see every negative stereotype known associated with being a black male. I'm not even saying this lamentingly. It's just reality, and I have never had a problem accepting that many people would expect me to rob them, have a zillion kids from a zillion different women, or sell drugs long before they'd expect me to be a, dare I say, VERY successful online entrepreneur. I still get women to lock their doors as I walk by their cars, and I wear SUITS just to go grocery shopping. It has zero to do with me as an individual, and more to do with the fact that human beings generally prefer to sum groups of people up in a few easily memorable words, and move along. But, let's cut the crap, stereotypes don't usually materialize out of thin air. For instance, even as a black male who is physically imposing, if I were to see a group of young black males walking down a street, wearing the same colors, I'd be inclined to do what just about everyone would do in that situation: panic; heave everything I'm holding skyward; and run like hell.
Stop the pity party, dude. Really. Unless you're hideous, or just unbearable otherwise, someone will want you. Now, if you're one of those type of people who can't sleep at night because they're not desired by everyone, then ......
...and besides, aren't black male/white female couples far more common in the Seattle metro than most EVERYWHERE in the United States? I mentioned white women, because I would hope you're not in Seattle expecting a smorgasbord of black women.
I can relate to most of this, especially the stereotyping part of it. I am a large muscular black man. All those stereotypes you spoke of are absolutely true. Then when they find out you also live in Oakland, add about a dozen more to that. I'm done caring what other people think at this point. Those who can't get to know me will just miss out. You are also right in the fact that, everyone will find someone. Despite the stereotypes, my girlfriend is a blond white girl from southern CA of all places. Certainly not what one would expect.
Location: In the basket with the other deplorables
130 posts, read 386,917 times
Reputation: 216
Quote:
Originally Posted by LAMayBeMaybeNot
In any case, the reality is, because you are black there is a very good chance, when people see you, they see every negative stereotype known associated with being ablack male. I'm not even saying this lamentingly. It's just reality, and I have never had a problem accepting that many people would expect me to rob them, have a zillion kids from a zillion different women, or sell drugs long before they'd expect me to be a, dare I say, VERY successful online entrepreneur. I still get women to lock their doors as I walk by their cars, and I wear SUITS just to go grocery shopping. It has zero to do with me as an individual, and more to do with the fact that human beings generally prefer to sum groups of people up in a few easily memorable words, and move along.
I agree with your entire post. I have had many people not believe that I am black when I am online or on the phone (this includes other blacks). I just wanted to point out to you, and everyone who reads this, that those negative and limiting stereotypes are not just directed at solely the black male. The black female gets it also. I cannot tell you how many times I have been asked how many baby's daddy's my kids have, the assumption that I am going to drop it low like the girls in the rap videos, the surmise that I am unmarried simply because I cannot keep a man (even though I have zero interest in being married as a human right of free will - especially after having done it once before), and the generalization that I will "whoop" you on sight and unprovoked because of what is seen on the Madea movies and talk shows. So, it is definitely not just the black male. I know the OP is male, and the comment was directed at him, but I just wanted to create a teachable moment for the other readers, I guess.
You are correct - humans, for the most part are lazy and judgmental. A social psychology class will teach anyone that people like to draw a quick conclusion, and move on, in order to save time and brain space. Is it wrong? Absolutely, but we all do it.
So the question is does this "hate black men" angle is applicable to the Seattle area?
I know it applies to most of the USA, particularly in the East Coast, most of the South, nearly all of the Midwest, and East Coast and Midwest carpetbagged West Coast cities like SF and LA, but if the same ol' "Let's hate black males even though the only thing black about them is the color of their skin" song and dance is true in Seattle, then count me out from relocating there. And the fact that desirable places like Bellevue has a pathetically low black population (and I'm just using Seattle and Washington state standards) doesn't help your argument neither.
Last edited by Do a Barrel Roll; 07-06-2012 at 05:44 AM..
So the question is does this "hate black men" angle is applicable to the Seattle area?
No... it doesn't. That guy was already off-putting in his OP... he must be like that like that IRL.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Fairfaxian
I know it applies to most of the USA, particularly in the East Coast, most of the South, nearly all of the Midwest, and East Coast and Midwest carpetbagged West Coast cities like SF and LA, but if the same ol' "Let's hate black males even though the only thing black about them is the color of their skin" song and dance is true in Seattle, then count me out from relocating there. And the fact that desirable places like Bellevue has a pathetically low black population (and I'm just using Seattle and Washington state standards) doesn't help your argument neither.
I can't speak for the other cities.
But when you talk about trendy/"desirable" places here... don't speak as if there are no black people there-- there are, just not in great numbers. And a lot of people (not just Black people, but other races as well) do hang out, or work in the trendy/desirable areas-- but simply choose not to live there for assortment of reasons. Traditionally, the areas with a big black populations tend to be south of Seattle (and all the way down to Tacoma). Seattle hasn't had a huge black migration coming in a long while now, so the numbers aren't going to change in that regard.
I think I know what some of you guys are looking for, but I'm not sure you'll find it in Seattle.
Like myself, you're probably in many ways a non-stereotypical black person, and want to be far removed from all the negative things generally found in cities with really large black populations.
Unfortunately, in your haste to escape all of that, you sought out the opposite of where you were currently living: Seattle, for instance.
The reality is, you probably weren't seeking Seattle, but an extremely diverse, cosmo city, where you can just be 'you', and associate with other atypical black people.
It's kind of like how my ex-gf had no sense of humor - imo, anyway - and the woman I became interested in right after her, I fell head over heels for. Guess what she had? A GREAT sense of humor. Unfortunately, because I was so fixated on that, I didn't realize until later that she and I couldn't have been more incompatible.
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x's infinity- and she made up for rest of 'em. 
