Making Friends in Western Washington (Seattle: high school, camping, place to live)

[compltlyme]

Originally Posted by niques

First, I want to say thanks for the post on this topic. My husband I are currently living in the SF Bay Area and we are considering moving in order to buy a nice house in a nice city and start a family. We are liberal, enjoy the diverse ethnicity of the bay area, love the outdoors and actually don't care much for the hot sunny days (he burns easily and I get too hot!). So, Vancouver B.C., Seattle, Portland and Denver are on our minds as possible locations. But, over and over again, all I hear about Seattle is how difficult it is to make friends and by this I mean, to really make the place feel like home. And afterall, isn't that what everyone wants when they move somewhere new?

So, my question is first, is this going to be a problem for us (my husband is 31 and is an engineer and I am 27 and make documentaries, no kids)? I am wondering how much of the problem is the age group. Secondly, there are so many Californians moving to Seattle and Portland that there have actually been backlashes by the locals against us newbies. If this is true, why don't the Californians get together and make Seattle/Portland a friendlier place??? According to the locals, there ought to be enough of us! :P

Anyway, I think it's difficult to make friends in general, outside of work or going to school. I just want to know if for some reason there is any truth to the notion that Seattle and the NW in general is worse than any other place. Thanks!

I believe if you are that young and starting a family you should have no challenges. You will meet people through your children and they will be natives up here and you will connect with other new parents etc... And for the most part Californians are like most others here and welcomed. I keep saying that the people up here are very kind and friendly... however very into thier own kids and activities. For someone like me who moved up here with grown children and not affiliated with any church... it has been a challenge. HOWEVER.... I love it here and will not give up.

[compltlyme]

Originally Posted by Seattletony

I have read most of the post on this thread and for the life of me I can't understand where people are coming from maybe its because I'm a native. But in all fairness to W. Washington or basically Seattle, 60 percent of all people who live here are from someplace else. Generally when people move they bring their attitudes and culture with them most don't adapt or have the when in Rome do what the Romans do attitude.

Since I have been on these forums all hear is how Seattle/Washington State is not this nor that and never about what it is whether its the weather or the people. I'm a native of Seattle area and growing up me and people I knew family or friends we didn't think twice about the weather I don't know maybe we were all ignorant or maybe we were busy living life to notice. I recall being outdoors during all seasons winter, spring, summer, and fall. I also remember enjoyable summers SPENT OUT SIDE.

I hate to use generalizations but true pacific northwesterners are easy going and mild manner to a fault and pretty astute when it comes to people willingly or unwillingly offending us or our home. So if someone from someplace else says something offenisive a person from the northwest instead of taking that person to task over the comment will give them the cold shoulder. No offense to people from California but most that I have encountered not all are very arrogant and you can see from the comments being made by some people on these forums why a native would become anti-social.

News flash Seattle nor Washington State is California or for that matter any other place in the US thats what makes us unique. Either except it or move on but don't ruin it for those of us who truly love it here!!!

I think you are misunderstanding the posts. For the most part no one is being negative about WA or Western Wa to be move specific. We are just stating our personal experiences. I live on the Eastside and have found people here and through out the region very kind, very friendly and just plain wonderful...for the most part. But very involved in their own lives. That is NOT a bad thing. I get that... but letting in someone new seems to be a bit difficult for them. Perhaps because they have so much going on they don't have time... whatever the reason it is just different than what I am used to. But don't get me wrong. I love this place and I will not give up.

I started this post for 3 reasons, to see if there are others out there that are in the same boat so to speak. And to see if maybe some of the people who are could connect and perhaps make a new friend. But mostly to try to really understand why. This is NOT an attack on WA. I would never do that. I love this place... nor it is an attack on the people here. Just an observation on my personal experience.

[jwb123]

I believe if you are that young and starting a family you should have no challenges. You will meet people through your children and they will be natives up here and you will connect with other new parents etc...

I already added my opinion on this subject - but just wanted to add that we are young (27 & 32) and started our family (now with 3 boys, ages 6 and under) in WA - and I think it's actually harder if you have kids. Parents, I think, have it harder ... as there are other considerations in picking friends (how people parent, how busy or not you may be, whether or not you work or stay home, etc) and that doesn't even touch the "Are you the first of your friends to have a baby" issues - in which your single friends pretty much fade away because it's a little too much for them I have spoken to plenty of moms all over the country (i have a parenting messageboard), and these issues really are blind as to state lines.


And in response to the last few posts... I have to say "warm and mild mannered" wouldn't exactly be how I would describe people in Western Washington. Yes, absolutely, initially welcoming and friendly - but just try making a mistake on the road sometime, or accidentally pulling a bit too far into the cross walk, or.. like what happened to me once - needing some help with the door while I tried to open it, keep it open, and lug a baby in an infant carseat out of it ... no one offered help, or held the door - even though there were plenty of people just sitting around drinking their coffee.

Like someone else mentioned in this thread, people are just really caught up with themselves, and their lives... and especially IN Seattle, a little too hip to talk to just any old person. People are just grumpy, and with reason... it sucks to be cold and drizzled on for-EVER.

I lived in Seattle for almost 10 years. I started my family there. I dealt, met and befriended all sorts of people from all walks of life - and while Seattle and Western WA has a lot to offer, and is beautiful and all of that - it still is the way people are reporting on this thread.

Rather than taking on the stance of "Accept it or get out" - just take what everyone is saying and perhaps make a small change in how you interact with people.

Denial is the first step (that's a joke for all the grumpy Seattlites!)

[Seattletony]

Like someone else mentioned in this thread, people are just really caught up with themselves, and their lives... and especially IN Seattle, a little too hip to talk to just any old person. People are just grumpy, and with reason... it sucks to be cold and drizzled on for-EVER.

This is exactly what I'm talking about its cold and drizzily forever??? how is one supposed to react to a quote like that. So by your reasoning people who live in super hot environments for months on end driving around in hot cars are cheerful??? were being judged based on how people are during a winter or a season? I guess it seems reasonable. Man I would like to know where you moved to because it must be the happiest place on the planet alot like Disneyland. I guess the whole part about close 2/3rds of the people living in the area have nothing to do with anything right? Your inaccurate and are just going out of your way to perpetuate stereotyps and myths.

[hyio]

I admit to not having read through the whole of this thread, but what I've seen disturbs me. Two things give me pause:

- People believe that northwesterners are self-centered
- Somebody is wigging out and taking offense, instead of trying to explain

To the former: We might be self-centered, but not in a vicious way. We live and let live. If you ask for help, we'll give, but if you don't ask, we're not going to bother you. I've been 15 minutes late because I went out of my way to help lost people, and I hold the door open for anyone behind me. But I would never see somebody stuffing groceries in their car and offer to help, because their car is their personal space. It's not malice, it's just extreme personal boundaries. When one of my friends tried to explain why she loves the South so much, I winced. I wouldn't be comfortable with the kind of community where everybody is highly involved with each other's lives - I'd think of it as interference, not friendliness/help.

To the latter: You've had too much coffee (or maybe not enough ). You're not very convincing, saying [paraphrased], "We DON'T get cranky because of lack of sun, RAWR!!!!" Having lived here my whole life, I find the lack of sun induces a semi-hibernation. In winter, I huddle up in my room and sleep (this would also explain difficulties socializing).

If you want to make good friends, definitely join some sort of interactive group - politics, sports, whatever. Just find yourself talking to the same people every week, and friendships happen. That's what I find works.

[baboo]

I keep seeing people who are unhappy with their situation in W. Washington. That makes me sad. I was born and raised all over W. Washington and I love it. True, I don't have hundreds of friends. I have a handful, but they are friends that I would die for and consider my family. I guess people get confused because people in WA are soooooo friendly and so warm, but really it is hard to become FRIENDS with them. We generally have many acquitances and few true friends, but I believe it is like that everywhere. Let me tell you though, when you do make friends here you will have them for life.

You have to have the mentality that it is hard to make friends anywhere. Anywhere you go, it is not automatic and you wouldn't want it to be. It is suspicious when somebody wants to be your friend right away and confide everything in you, all the time. Wouldn't you prefer a friendship with a solid foundation of love, trust, and mutual respect? Not a friendship that is so intense in the beginning and fizzles out to a distant acquintance? Anyways, I guess it is just my point of view and I am not a very lonely person by nature.

But if you are looking to meet people there are so many clubs and gatherings and they don't all have to be on the internet. You can take dance classes or participate in knitting circles. I saw someone who lives in Mill Creek, in the Milll Creek towncenter there is a yarn store Main Street Yarn or something like that and you can take knitting classes which are quite popular. A gym is also a strange, but normal place to meet people. If not there are outings and adventures or cooking classes or wine tasting classes that you can take in Woodinville or Eastern WA. There are tons of outlets to meet people and possibly make friends. It takes patience and faith.

°Knitting circles, sewing, quilting circles
°PTA meetings and school functions for those of you with children
°There are flag football teams and other local sports teams for any age, which is where my father makes alot of his friends. He participates in a soccer team for older men.
°Dance classes, acting classes, speech classes
°Spiritual classes and events, the only one I think of right now is in Vancouver Canada, Warrior Sage. But there are many classes that focus on all sorts of spirituality.
°Motivational/Self-help classes
°There are many book circles and reading groups, just checkin the local newspaper or inquire at your local cafe. Many of the reading groups meet at a local coffee shop.

hope this was helpful.

I don't agree that people from WA are self-centered, actually I think it is the opposite. We are always so willing to help people and care alot about others. My friends are the type to run over to my house with a bowl of soup if I have a sniffle or call me in the middle of the night to see if I am feeling better and when I don't answer they come over and haul me to the hospital. My sister has a key buddy who lives an hour and half away from her and with a call she will leave work early and come to open her door when she's locked herself out. I think once you start making friends you will realize how selfless people are in W. WA. But it is true that we have a strong sense of personal boundaries, I often seem frigid and distant because I don't want to impose myself on anyone else o vice versa.

Oh another thing, if any of you are minorities/immigrants, it is much easier to meet people and make friends. The local ethnic market is the hub for activity, gossip, and news. People go there and hang out and talk about everything and are friends. If not, chruches in minorities communities are strong foundations in the community for friendship. The positive side of being so few, solidarity.

In the last few years I have been leaving and coming back to W. WA. Everytime I think that I may have romanticized W. WA and everytime I find out that I love it even more. Even now, I miss it and wish I was there than here in stupid Italy. (and if you think it is hard to make friends in W. WA, try Tuscany... impossible. They just act like you don't exist and then make fun of the way you talk and pull at their eyes and call you names about being chinese) Anyways, I wish everyone the best of luck in finding friends. I am sure you will find very valuable friendships soon.

[Seattletony]

What people fail to realize is that Seattle/W. Washington truly is transient meaning people come and go all the time but if you truly meet a native which are few and far in between it seems we are nice and welcoming. Go to small towns in places like Blaine, Lynden, or to some southwest communities where these communities are less transient people are very friendly and welcoming for the most part.

[relocated46]

I am sitting in my beautiful new house of 1 month, wondering if I will ever have a guest. It's so cold I haven't brougth myself to go walking in the neighborhood begging friendship. But I must remember 9 years ago I moved into a town I hated for at least 1 1/2 years because I was so lonely. I left that town 1 month ago leaving some of the best friends I ever had and longing to go back. Change takes time. We must push ourselves to think outside the box.
I liked the idea of checking out the red hat ladies. I am also not 50 yet, but I understand they have a purple hat society for those not yet there. I don't look good in hats either, but maybe we could find a group that would prefer scarves or belts. Hanford, Ca the town I moved from is a very tight old family town. My husband says he never felt that he fit the nitch but that I had been accepted to the clique. I belonged to a group that put on a spring home tour and luncheon every year for the local Museum. Perhaps you should call a museum or Art Center and see if they have any guilds.

Another thing I am going to try is a ladies golf group. I haven't played in a long time but it could be fun. Keep looking, keep asking, eventually outgoing people like us worm our way in somewhere.

[compltlyme]

well my good friend just had her bid accepted on a house in Pasco.. she too will be looking to make friends. I can get the 2 of you in touch... But we better do this via PM

[Yac]

Calm down and stay on topic please. We really don't want this forum to be a playground or another chat room.