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I think someone mentioned this earlier, Racism is making black people sit in the back of the bus, and use a different drinking fountain.
Someone asking you questions that YOU don't feel comfortable with, followed by them probing some more, may be RUDE, but not Racism.
Ask that same person if you can sit by them at lunch tomorrow, if they say "sure ! " then you have nothing to worry about. see what she says, unless your racist or something and don't want to talk to her ?
If the woman had stopped after the first question, it would have been an honest mistake. Instead she says, "Surely, English CAN"T be your first language."
Come on, people. You guys can't be this obtuse.
What if the OP spoke with a foreign accent that is KNOWN to speak another language? I have Asian friends who have Asian accents and are from Asia. I would assume they speak Chinese, Japanese, etc just based upon their physical appearance and their accents, most people would. BUT a couple of my friends, while born in Asia, have lived in the US all their lives and have never spoken anything but English. They have the Asian accent because they were raised in a home where the parents have an Asian accent. So would I be racist if I asked my friends upon our initial meeting what their first language was just to strike up a friendly conversation??
It's is not prejudice or racism. It is a typical liberal, oh gee I'm so offended, reaction to someone showing an interest in you because you appear interesting by virtue of your accent, behavior, etc. Some of us are fascinated by other cultures and want to meet and know about people who are different from us.
One of my black friends from NYC told me several years ago that no one at her workplace was more than "surface polite" to her and always acted nervous around her. She said she kept thinking -- these Southerners sure must hate black folks.
She said that one day she flat out said to a coworker -- "have I done something to offend you? You don't even look me in the face when you talk to me."
This really took the other lady off guard and she blurted out "God, I just hope I haven't done anything to offend you. We have all these HR sensitivity classes - I figure the less said, the better."
And so it goes. People are so afraid of being labeled a "racist" or a "bigot" that they would rather just not even engage in conversation with someone new and of a different race/culture than have something they say misinterpreted.
At least OP's coworker was trying to have a conversation . . . but obviously, she should have just kept her mouth shut and let OP figure out how to fill up the silence.
I would rep this post a BAZZILLION times if I could. This is so incredibly accurate. With all of the racial tensions going on the past few years, white people are scared to death to even TALK to a black person for fear of saying something, anything that could remotely be taken as racist. It is such a shame too because we are ALL missing out as a result.
Case in point, I have a very friendly black couple as a neighbor. We do not know each other well as they recently moved into their home but I'd like to get to know them because I think they would be great fun. BUT, because I don't know them well, I'm afraid to engage in conversation with them other than neighborly pleasantries as we are coming and going. I don't know what would offend them. I feel so silly because I was NEVER like this before, it's only been since all of the racial stuff started a few years ago.
I've thought about talking to one of my black friends about the situation but I'm even afraid to talk to them about this for fear I'd offend them. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone at all here either. So am I now going to still be labeled racist because I no longer engage in a meaningful way with black folks?
Um, that's called racial profiling. And is that supposed to somehow make me feel better? I already know she's making ASSumptions based on my appearance. Hello Racism! White people will NEVER ever realize why their ignorant remarks are considered racist.
So if I heard a person with a british accent speak, and I asked them what it was like to live with a country that has a queen, that would be racist?
Hmmm, a person of color making a generalization about white people based on a few, and considers ignorant comments all racist? I'd call you the racist.
Or.... it could be because she actually doesn't know any black people in real life and depends on the media for what black people are really like.
I have actually said something like this. I stepped into an elevator with a white woman and her kids. I'm at work, with a namebadge on, dressed in a suit. This woman actually backs into a corner and clutches her kids to her. I looked at her and said, "cold in here, isn't it?". She nodded and had the grace to look embarrassed.
I don't understand this way of thinking... I honestly don't.
Yes, that too.
I've worked with many black people over decades. Mostly engineers, but some financial types, other businesspeople. Most of them live lives similar to mine as far as I can tell, own their own homes, pay their bills, maybe go to church or are active in their community, make their kids do their homework. They don't get on the news.
Good for you for saying something. Maybe you did something to change that way of thinking with that woman.
I grew up in an all-white environment, and my first image I remember of black people were the 1960s riots in Newark on the news. Fortunately, I had parents who raised us that racism was wrong--sinful, actually--but we didn't actually have to put anything into practice because we didn't actually know any real live black people.
I think the first real encounter I had was when our pastor started taking our small-town youth group to a black church in a nearby city to play basketball with the youth group there. I feared that those kids were not going to like us because we were white, but they went out of our way to be nice to us, and it was a good experience. Except that we never won.
I think someone mentioned this earlier, Racism is making black people sit in the back of the bus, and use a different drinking fountain.
Someone asking you questions that YOU don't feel comfortable with, followed by them probing some more, may be RUDE, but not Racism.
Ask that same person if you can sit by them at lunch tomorrow, if they say "sure ! " then you have nothing to worry about. see what she says, unless your racist or something and don't want to talk to her ?
I see that part of the reason this thread has gotten so heated is that some people want to make racism a capitalized word that should only be used to describe truly heinous acts. Fair enough.
What I don't get is how anyone can read through all of the posts and still don't get why the OP has cause to be offended. A line was clearly crossed regarding what is proper behavior in a pluralistic workplace and one do not need to go into the level of sensitivity or comfort level.
What if the OP spoke with a foreign accent that is KNOWN to speak another language? I have Asian friends who have Asian accents and are from Asia. I would assume they speak Chinese, Japanese, etc just based upon their physical appearance and their accents, most people would. BUT a couple of my friends, while born in Asia, have lived in the US all their lives and have never spoken anything but English. They have the Asian accent because they were raised in a home where the parents have an Asian accent. So would I be racist if I asked my friends upon our initial meeting what their first language was just to strike up a friendly conversation??
You would certainly be making an assumption that they HAVE a first language. If you are trying to strike up a friendly conversation and are curious about someone's background, why not instead ask, "Do you speak your parents' language?"
My daughter's boyfriend is Puerto Rican, born in Brooklyn. Doesn't speak a lick of Spanish. My daughter is white, blond, of Irish/Dutch/English descent, and speaks fluent Mandarin, passable Spanish, and first-level Russian.
You can't tell by looking at people, and I think that situation is only going to grow as the world gets smaller.
What if the OP spoke with a foreign accent that is KNOWN to speak another language? I have Asian friends who have Asian accents and are from Asia. I would assume they speak Chinese, Japanese, etc just based upon their physical appearance and their accents, most people would. BUT a couple of my friends, while born in Asia, have lived in the US all their lives and have never spoken anything but English. They have the Asian accent because they were raised in a home where the parents have an Asian accent. So would I be racist if I asked my friends upon our initial meeting what their first language was just to strike up a friendly conversation??
OP said in another post that she does not have a foreign accent and had never been asked about her "first language" in the state where she previously resided. The only reason the rude woman kept on insisting that English could not have been her first language is because of the way she looked.
I also think you may want to double check the background of your "Asian friends." Kids pick up the accents of their peers not their parents. Here in Texas I've seen second generation Asian kids who speak Chinese/Vietnamese at home but speak English with black or Hispanic accents. I've met only a few American-born Asians who speak English with an Asian accent but they all grew up in predominantly Asian communities in California.
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