What's with some women not liking being called "ma'am"? (senior, female)
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if you go to the southern US states, you'll be called ma'am or sir more often...it's nothing to get bent out of shape about...it's a habit there, don't go visiting there if you don't like it.
I do it on a subconscious level, I don't really think about it, but I was raised to address women I don't know as either "miss" or "ma'am." If I almost bump into a lady when I'm walking I'll say "Oh, pardon me ma'am." If I'm finishing a phone call with a woman I'll usually end it with "Thank you ma'am, have a good day." I've never gotten a bad reaction from it (I don't think so at least) but I've read a few anecdotes from men about getting bad looks or even being told not to address someone as "ma'am."
So what's the BFD? Why do some take offense to being shown respect?
A lot of people in general don't like being called by sir or madam because it probably reminds them of telemarketers and call center people! Personally I don't like it because I find it annoying; in my opinion someone who says these a lot is a more conservative person (not in the political sense) and this kind of person is someone I usually avoid. I know I've made some people here mad by saying that, but I'm being legit here. I don't use those words since both sir and madam were originally titles for nobility (along with Mister and Missus) and I don't recognize anyone as nobility. It might be a regional thing but I do know that the Confederate and southern states say them a lot more than most others.
I have no idea why some women get offended over "ma'am." I still get called "Lil Lady" when I go back home - and home is Southern Nevada. I've also noticed some Utahans use the same vernacular. I told some people that I grew up being called "Lil Lady" by the locals in Vegas as a kid and they told me I should have been butthurt over it, that it is a "southern" thing and is "insulting." None of the Nevadans and Utahans in question came from the south though, so I think it is a holdover from when both states were more rural. I don't mind it. "Ma'am" sometimes does make me feel old though.
I think it depends on how one was raised - if people used such terms. I was raised with it and don't get the offense, and I'm not from the south. Everyone from gangers to teachers to cops to the pastor at church would call me that, and they were not from the south either. And it was never said in a condescending tone. I still get called "lil lady" at times because even though I'm 29 I still look 16. I was last called "lil lady" by a guy who was obviously Mormon and native to Utah in St. George when I last drove through there - in 2011.
I was last called "lil lady" by a guy who was obviously Mormon and native to Utah in St. George when I last drove through there - in 2011.
Wow! I've spent my entire life in Utah (northern, though, as opposed to southern) and I've never been called "lil lady." Heaven help the man who ever calls me that!
I grew up, married and had my family in the Western part of North America. Politeness was expected, but no titles. Now I live in the Deep South and I get called Ma'am all the time. I also get carded all the time. My 15 year old is addressed as ma'am by young children. It is how every one in my community is raised. In fact, it is expected in my kids school and is something they had to get used to. My teenage son has been in trouble several times for not saying "Yes Ma'am". He wasn't being rude at all; it just isn't part of his speech pattern. It would be strange for me to suddenly expect my kids to refer to me as something I have not raised them to do, so I don't expect my kids to refer to me or my husband as sir or ma'am, but I don't have a problem with it either. I do wonder if they too will be told, "don't call me THAT!" when traveling to other areas of the country.
On another note...there are plenty of rants filled with complaints of people being rude, no one has manners anymore, kids have no respect these days etc. etc. etc. So, I do find it surprising that people who are expressing politeness by using terms of respect are seen in such a negative light
It's a double standard, to be honest. When I'm called ma'am it makes me feel older, and since I'm not yet married it's not correct to assume I am a ma'am.
However, when I was in my early 20s and worked in retail I hatedbeing called "Miss." It made me feel belittled.
When I'm honest with myself about it, what else are people supposed to call me? It boils down to people trying to show me respect. It's my own fault if I allow it to make me feel a certain way.
Yeah, not a fan of "ma'am," but I'm in my 30s and "miss" would just be silly.
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Personally I don't like it because I find it annoying; in my opinion someone who says these a lot is a more conservative person (not in the political sense) and this kind of person is someone I usually avoid. I know I've made some people here mad by saying that, but I'm being legit here. I don't use those words since both sir and madam were originally titles for nobility (along with Mister and Missus) and I don't recognize anyone as nobility. It might be a regional thing but I do know that the Confederate and southern states say them a lot more than most others.
