What's with some women not liking being called "ma'am"? (person, girls)
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I know that the Southerners usually get the credit for this but I grew up in Central Illinois and was raised to say ma'am and sir.
I know I would get in a lot of trouble if I just said thank you, yes or no. It had to be followed by Ma'am or Sir.
I've never given it much thought and can't for the life of me figure out how it could be offensive. NOW....if someone said "Bless yor heart" in a certain tone.....now there's a problem!
Sometimes I think people take offense too easily, like if people say their name wrong, spell it wrong or get your name totally wrong or mixed up with someone else's (name). I don't think the ma'am thing is a big deal either way, as I had never given it much thought.
OP this is customary in many homes through our great states as well within the military. Obvious reasons I'm called Sir all day at work.
I nearly had my head chewed off from utilizing the term years ago. I utilized the term with only good nature and respect however, I received one earful.
Possibly they belief you view them as old or has some bad undertones to class (servant-employer).
I do it on a subconscious level, I don't really think about it, but I was raised to address women I don't know as either "miss" or "ma'am." If I almost bump into a lady when I'm walking I'll say "Oh, pardon me ma'am." If I'm finishing a phone call with a woman I'll usually end it with "Thank you ma'am, have a good day." I've never gotten a bad reaction from it (I don't think so at least) but I've read a few anecdotes from men about getting bad looks or even being told not to address someone as "ma'am."
So what's the BFD? Why do some take offense to being shown respect?
Don't I wish people would call me ma'am? Around here lately the wait staff at most restaurants have switched to "you guys" in referring to myself and my husband. When I am addressed in that manner, they have just served me the last meal I will be eating with them. I am tired of being called a grotesque murderer. That is the original meaning of the word "guys."
The really bad thing about it is that I have told some of them the meaning of the word guys and they look at you like you have two heads and have lost your mind. Where did all this rudeness come from? I worked with the public for 28 years and I assure you that if a person let me know something offended them, it did not come out of my mouth again while they were in the room. I would never have suggested to them that it should not offend them. A person gets to decide for themselves what is offensive.
I have a friend that says she tells the wait staff she does not want to be called "guys" and if she hears the word again, she doesn't leave a tip. I would think that doing that would make me as rude as they are. I just don't go there again. I have been thinking about giving the manager a call and let the manager know why I won't be back in their restaurant. I doubt that would make a difference though. If they have employees that say to you, "I didn't mean it that way" instead of apologizing, I doubt there is much hope anything will change.
Sometimes I think people take offense too easily, like if people say their name wrong, spell it wrong or get your name totally wrong or mixed up with someone else's (name). I don't think the ma'am thing is a big deal either way, as I had never given it much thought.
I was chuckling as I left our local fitness center just yesterday. I worked for the public for 28 years and am around people a lot that knew me in that job. During my morning visit to the fitness center, I was addressed by two different names besides my own. I just answered. A lot of the people I see are senior citizens. They didn't realize they called me the wrong name. We also may tell each other that we have forgotten names since the last class two days ago. To that most everybody I know just says, I can't remember sometimes either.
I'm confused by this whole thing, because I've always called girls/women of ALL ages "ma'am". So I don't see personally how it could make a woman feel old.
Then again, perhaps calling little girls and adolescents "ma'am" is a relatively new thing that those, ahem, older women didn't experience when they were... you know... younger
Well, it is widely believed that ma'am refers to women who "look old" are middle aged and above and miss is for cute young things. Also, as it is commonly believed that all women over 40 are not very attractive, and ma'am being a word associated with women of that age, then ergo, by calling a woman ma'am it is believed (by quite a few) is the same as calling the woman old and/or ugly. No woman wants to be thought of as past her expiration date or ugly. So this is why a lot of women get bent out of shape when they are suddenly called ma'am. Particularly if previously she was always a miss before.
Now you can protest and say most people calling women ma'am are not intending to call attention to age or even thinking about age at all, just politeness. This is probably true in most cases. But there are those people who look at a woman and think she's 30/40/60 she is a ma'am and then look at another woman and think she's 20-something or youngish and will call her miss. I have seen this played out in my own life on many an occasion. Therefore, women who say it makes them feel old or they don't like being called that, etc., should not be made to think they are insane or exaggerating or whatever.
It is a real and true phenomenon that ma'am is associated with middle aged women and over and miss is for cute young things.
Isn't it funny that men are called sir whatever their age most of the time? Personally I have been called ma'am and miss and I just wish we could use one or the other universally. Or use them in the same way Mr./Sir are used. Mr. Smith sir, you forgot your umbrella. And the female version would be Miss Phillips, ma'am, you forgot your umbrella (whether Miss Phillips is old, young, married or single).
I am a military brat raised by a Southern mother. The word ma'am will NEVER leave my vocabulary. It is a sign of respect from me. End of discussion.
Amazingly enough prisoners and ex-cons are in my experience well versed in the use of the word Ma'am in addition to those in the Military or any number of Police Officers whether they are city, county or state employees.
Women don't like it because of it's associations with middle aged or old women who are in general, not as attractive as younger women. No woman wants to think of herself as old and ugly, hence why when hearing ma'am many women view that as a blow to their ego. If people called everyone ma'am, it would lose it's association with age. But many people still call women they perceive to be under 30 or 40 miss.
Women don't like it because of it's associations with middle aged or old women who are in general, not as attractive as younger women. No woman wants to think of herself as old and ugly, hence why when hearing ma'am many women view that as a blow to their ego. If people called everyone ma'am, it would lose it's association with age. But many people still call women they perceive to be under 30 or 40 miss.
Please don't lump all women together because what you are saying isn't even close to how I feel about it.
AND you thinking women over 40 aren't as attractive as those younger ones is kinda scary. It might be your age or you hang out with some pretty shallow people.
I feel sillier when someone tries to call me "Miss" in a silly attempt to make me feel younger. I'm 50 for goodness sake! I passed being a Miss years ago.
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