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Old 10-30-2019, 10:46 AM
 
8,002 posts, read 4,266,122 times
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Chores like loading & emptying the dishwasher are fine when kids are younger and eating all their meals at home with the family. But teenagers, especially if they're working, usually have different schedules and don't eat with the family regularly.
In their high school teenage years, I made our kids do their own laundry, clean up their own kitchen messes and of course their own rooms. They weren't allowed to leave the bathroom a mess or leave their stuff cluttering the house. If possible, they helped with special things like raking leaves. But I eased up on the regular stuff like vacuuming because they were hardly ever home and had so many other responsibilities.
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Old 10-30-2019, 11:01 AM
 
5,777 posts, read 3,130,938 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
... Shes 16
She is 16. You never had an attitude when you were 16??!! I think it is normal behavior for a teenager. One moment we are telling them to grow up, the next minute we are telling them, "What do you think you are an adult now?" Or we tell them to stop acting like a baby. Confusing time for all. And yes, having an attitude means they are growing up, spreading their wings. They just have to learn how to spread their wings--it takes time.

They are not children, nor adults. It is a tough stage for everyone. Cut some slack and try just sitting down and communicating <--not easy for a teenage, at least try to acknowledge their hormonal roller coaster.

I didn't give my sons' "chores"--I just said we were dividing up things that needed to be done for our home. Just part of being a family--everyone helps out.

She goes to school and works--good for her.
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Old 10-30-2019, 12:06 PM
 
1,485 posts, read 479,269 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GiGi603 View Post
She goes to school and works--good for her.
Not working now. Since her mother refused to drive her 9 miles to work, she was fired.
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Old 10-30-2019, 12:08 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
33,660 posts, read 21,359,303 times
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If you agreed to be her mode of transportation, taking that away is not good parenting, and not an appropriate punishment for a bad attitude.
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Old 10-30-2019, 12:11 PM
 
48 posts, read 7,808 times
Reputation: 63
Well, I think I'm in the clear.

She apologized to me for freaking out and slamming doors, says she shouldn't have done it.

she has been doing all two of her chores, AND EATING DINNER WITH US every night, like always. ...

and now she asked for a ride to her boyfriends house this week, which I agreed ...


Seems like a punishment changed the behavior ... not sure what all the hoopla is about just "having talks" ???

We do talk, at dinner, and all the time around the house .... not sure why I need to have these weird "sit down pillow talks" every time they get in trouble, when a simple punishment for the crime seems to do ... ?
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Old 10-30-2019, 12:49 PM
 
12,847 posts, read 5,146,208 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
If you agreed to be her mode of transportation, taking that away is not good parenting, and not an appropriate punishment for a bad attitude.
I agree. It's like taking away the textbooks because the kid left his backpack on the floor instead of putting it away.

Now, the next time she applies for a job she'll either have to lie about her job history, or will have to say she was fired the first week for failing to show up.
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Old 10-30-2019, 01:50 PM
 
5,777 posts, read 3,130,938 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
Whelp nope, she'll be moving out the day she turns 18, or sooner.

She can see how slamming doors, screaming, yelling, freaking out works out for her in real life.
I am sure you were the perfect teenager and never did any of that


Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
.... not sure why I need to have these weird "sit down pillow talks" every time they get in trouble, when a simple punishment for the crime seems to do ... ?
Because she is on her way to becoming an adult. Talks help to learn proper behavior and build trust.
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Old 10-30-2019, 01:52 PM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
4,052 posts, read 1,850,677 times
Reputation: 5247
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
Well, I think I'm in the clear.

She apologized to me for freaking out and slamming doors, says she shouldn't have done it.

she has been doing all two of her chores, AND EATING DINNER WITH US every night, like always.
Well, you vanquished the enemy! Now she's going to a big red mark in her job history. Don't twist your arm patting yourself on the back now.
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Old 10-30-2019, 02:16 PM
 
1,861 posts, read 3,299,763 times
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The goof here was causing her to get fired from her job. You knew if she accepted a job 9 miles away, someone would need to transport her. On the day she got the job this should have been discussed (and she could have quit immediately) and worked out. In reality, she will probably just leave this job off her future applications, but learning to deal with the responsibilities that come with employment is a more worthwhile skill than putting away dishes, IMO.

More likely than punishment "changed her behavior" is that, like any other human, their attitude and feelings cycle. Granted there are limits, but I always find it interesting that parents expect their children to always be chipper. I have co-workers, friends, family members, and bosses who have bad days (or weeks) and I have to adjust how I interact with them. Then there are days when I am in a bad mood and I think back "I'm glad people cut me some slack that day."

Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
Well, I think I'm in the clear.

She apologized to me for freaking out and slamming doors, says she shouldn't have done it.

she has been doing all two of her chores, AND EATING DINNER WITH US every night, like always. ...

and now she asked for a ride to her boyfriends house this week, which I agreed ...

Seems like a punishment changed the behavior ... not sure what all the hoopla is about just "having talks" ???

We do talk, at dinner, and all the time around the house .... not sure why I need to have these weird "sit down pillow talks" every time they get in trouble, when a simple punishment for the crime seems to do ... ?
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Old 10-30-2019, 02:39 PM
 
48 posts, read 7,808 times
Reputation: 63
[quote=GiGi603;56526424]I am sure you were the perfect teenager and never did any of that




I did, then got punished, then stopped doing it.. worked like a charm.
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