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People need to get back to the golden rule. We all need to treat one another better. Until that happens women have to protect themselves from these predators.
When my daughters turned 16 they were largely free to do as they liked under a few conditions one of which was never to go out partying alone. They were to be watching out for one another at all times, it was made their RESPONSIBILITY to do this.
Like it or not ladies I seriously doubt humanity getting back to the golden rule is going to happen soon. Not only do we have to raise our son's better, to teach self control and consideration and simply listening to what a female says we need to teach daughters grace, self respect and all of the same things men need to know also.
This would be much easier if this were a society that valued human dignity over wealth and power and family as opposed to single Parenthood but once again I don't see that changing soon either.
About all we can hope for is to muddle through I guess and hope for the best.
Sure, but if you you think there is such a thing as learning enough to protect themselves from ever being sexually assaulted, there is no such thing.
Well in my defense I had no idea who was in this class when I signed up for it.
But really, the victims are responsible for their own actions and the rapists are responsible for for their own actions. It's not that complicated but you have the outrage brigade trying to scream people in to submission to keep them from pointing out that very simple truth. Why is it so controversial to say that we have an obligation to look out for ourselves? It's harmful to women to try to convince them to believe otherwise.
See, but there's a difference between "looking out for yourself," and completely altering one's life to avoid crime. As I said above, my work schedule (plus being a single woman) means doing a LOT of things alone at night. And you know what? I'm going to continue living my life, regardless of the added risks. What other choice do I have? If I become the victim of a crime, that sucks; but it would be nice to at least know I won't be blamed for it. Unfortunately, it seems that wouldn't entirely be the case.
There's the bunny. It's fine to give general advice about personal safety, although a lot of the advice people dole out is dumb, insulting, contradictory, or counterproductive. I certainly appreciate and use the good advice I've gotten over the years from people who genuinely had my best interests at heart, and weren't just finger-wagging, Monday morning quarterbacking, or being manipulative.
But if every woman in the world were taking general precautions, that wouldn't stop rape. If there is a rapist on the prowl in my area, and I take precautions to prevent myself from being the target, he just targets someone else. If we all take precautions, then he changes his approach. As long as there's a rapist around, someone's eventually getting raped. I can reduce the likelihood it's me, but only stopping the actual rapist will mean a rape doesn't occur.
There you go. I think this should be the [/discussion] post right here!
Actually this contains way too many odd things. Why would anyone specifically go to a bad neighborhood at 3:AM?
I mean, your premise seems to be there are people dressing in slutty clothes and then seeking out a bad neighborhood to wander in at the strange hour of 3:AM.
???????
There is no point in using such a ridiculous premise to try and make a point. I would imagine that anyone one in a bad neighborhood lives there or has some other reason to be there. What they are wearing is immaterial. Anyone could be assaulted in any way or get robbed or anything in a really bad neighborhood. Having nothing to do with gender or attire.
I was about to respond to your first question with the bolded, lol. I have lived in a few bad neighborhoods, so if you saw me walking through them at 3am, it would be me going HOME. I don't dress "provocatively," but what if my job required short skirts and heels (like a restaurant hostess or something)? How would I get home then, without being accused of "putting myself in a bad situation?" It's time to stop blaming the victims, and focusing more on stopping the PERPETRATORS before they can get to us. Period, end of story.
When I was 10-11, the bus driver gave us "assigned seating" and insisted I sit behind his seat. I was the last person off the bus on this route. He asked questions about my breasts and if I had my period yet. When I refused to answer, he used his elbow to grind my hand into the metal bar where I was holding on. I still remember the malice on his face as he did it. Even though I was molested as a child and that disturbs me greatly, the bus driver hurting me because I wouldn't answer his questions really sticks with me. I think it was that experience that taught me that people could be monstrous more than anything else that had happened up to that point. I spent the whole school year wondering if he was going to kill me and dump me in the woods... because that's what he told me, point blank, that he was going to do. When I think back to the sheer anxiety and terror I felt, it still makes me feel sick. I was a quiet, obedient child who was afraid to speak up for fear of being yelled at or punished. These things that happened at such a young age most definitely changed the course of my life in myriad ways.
So sorry for your experiences, and since we're sharing stories, I can relate to the one above... I was 15 at the time, on a trip to Israel with my Sunday School class, when the bus driver attempted to assault me. My classmates were exploring something (historical site or whatever), when I realized I'd left something on the bus. I went back to get it, and the driver opened the door, then shut it behind me. He then tried to corner me on one of the benches and kiss/touch me, but I was able to push him off and run out. I wasn't a small girl, so my physical size and strength saved me there! Gawd only knows how far he would have taken it, if I hadn't been able to get him off me. I did tell my counselors about the incident, and he was promptly fired from the gig - but I don't know if any criminal charges were pressed, since we were visitors in a foreign country.
That's just one of a few stories I could tell, sadly. As the #metoo campaign is showing, almost EVERY woman (and men too) has been victimized at some time in their lives. It's sad, and blaming the victims even a little is counter-productive to the actual problem here. I mean, what could I have done differently in my story? I suppose I could have brought a friend to the bus, but it was the middle of the day with students and counselors maybe 20-50 feet away - so who would even think to bring "backup" in that case? And if I had, would he have tried to assault us both?
I was about to respond to your first question with the bolded, lol. I have lived in a few bad neighborhoods, so if you saw me walking through them at 3am, it would be me going HOME. I don't dress "provocatively," but what if my job required short skirts and heels (like a restaurant hostess or something)? How would I get home then, without being accused of "putting myself in a bad situation?" It's time to stop blaming the victims, and focusing more on stopping the PERPETRATORS before they can get to us. Period, end of story.
Right. None of these scenarios presented that make the woman at fault make any sense.
The top post talks about 'accepting a beverage from a 'stranger'. We do that all the time. Of course there is more detail which really gets to the heart of the matter for some: She went home with a guy. So, she's a **** and set herself up.
All the non-sluts can then take comfort that won't happen to them. Would be GREAT if that were true, but it isn't.
But if every woman in the world were taking general precautions, that wouldn't stop rape. If there is a rapist on the prowl in my area, and I take precautions to prevent myself from being the target, he just targets someone else. If we all take precautions, then he changes his approach. As long as there's a rapist around, someone's eventually getting raped. I can reduce the likelihood it's me, but only stopping the actual rapist will mean a rape doesn't occur.
Not to mention at least one rape had to occur before an alert is sent that there is one known to be in the area. But I wanted Frostnip's comment repeated. Quoted For Truth.
To expand on it, if every woman stops today going home with men, stops every single behavior that some say make her responsible at least in part, the rapists will find new ways.
They already have regarding our precautions against accepting drinks from anyone but a bartender or waitress. And a 'drink' does not have to be alcoholic or in a bar to get drugged.
For example a friend of a friend went to a bar, met a guy, went back to his house and drank what he gave her, was then claiming she was assaulted but can’t remember the whole night.
When you know there are horrible sexual predators out there, why would you go to a strangers house and also drink something he gave you, not knowing what’s in it. I would think you would have to claim some responsibility for putting yourself in harms way especially these days when there is so much evil out there.
It’s one think to be jumped when walking to your car and another thing to willing go back to a strangers house.
A woman would not be going to the home of a man with him if she thought he might be a predator. Whether you know someone over an evening or 10 years, he could be a predator. So saying that not going home with a man the first night would eliminate sexual assault or makes it her fault is bullshirt.
So say I go on 17 dates and eventually have dinner at the man's house and he drugs my drink. Maybe because I have not been having sex with him yet and he is tired of that.
Still my fault? I mean, I PUT MYSELF in that situation, right?
For example a friend of a friend went to a bar, met a guy, went back to his house and drank what he gave her, was then claiming she was assaulted but can’t remember the whole night.
When you know there are horrible sexual predators out there, why would you go to a strangers house and also drink something he gave you, not knowing what’s in it. I would think you would have to claim some responsibility for putting yourself in harms way especially these days when there is so much evil out there.
It’s one think to be jumped when walking to your car and another thing to willing go back to a strangers house.
I'd like to know the precise line where this is drawn.
Having just met: wrong, and putting at an obvious risk
So then he gets her number, and date number one this happens.
Date Two.
Date Three
Date Four
Date Five
So on and so forth, at what point is a woman no longer at fault if she is drugged and raped by a date?
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