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I am in a LTR with him currently. He wants to buy a house together next year and I want to live with him. I dont want to do all that and then find out he wants things from me I refuse to give him and he leaves me. I think he should decide before we move in together.
I do agree with that--do not move in with him if something so huge is unresolved. Just don't pressure him into making a promise he may not be able to keep. You have your answer--he doesn't know, for sure, yet. You need to wait or get out.
Oh my gosh, I'm so tired of hearing this. I am childless by choice. I knew when I was young that I didn't want kids. Everybody around me said the same thing -- You'll change your mind. (I didn't.) You just need to meet the right man. (I did. Happily married until his death.) Wait until your biological clock starts ticking down. (I'm 48. Riiiiiing.) To be blunt, that's a load of manure. And I know numerous women who are happily childless by choice. Give the OP some credit for knowing herself.
Well, thats my experience and I have seen this happen on many, many occasions. It is alot more common than a woman who thinks she doesnt want children in her early twenties, actualy remaining childless for life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with either, and OP may very well remain childless for life, but the point im trying to make is that this is something that is rarely set in stone, for many women and men as well.
I am not asking at what age should a man start getting married and having kids, I am asking at what age he should at least know if this is in his game plan or not?
Been arguing with my bf over this since he will be turning 30 this year. I think he should know whether or not those are things he wants by now. He tells me he should know for sure in a couple of years. I don't think that's fair to keep me around considering those things are deal breakers for me if he decides he wants them-I can't give them to him. He's known this from the start (over 3 years ago).
I don't want a family or marriage, those are deal breakers for me. I don't want him to change his mind and want those things when I cant give them to him.
Opinions?
If you know you don't want marriage and children, and you have told him that, what difference does it make whether he answers the question? Are you trying to extract a life long commitment from him that doesn't involve marriage and family? Seems to me that you are being unrealistic. If he decides he wants a wife and children in a few years, you are going to get dumped, period. What he tells you right now is irrelevant, and of course he truly may change his mind in a few years anyway.
I guess I just don't understand what you are complaining about.
I am in a LTR with him currently. He wants to buy a house together next year and I want to live with him. I dont want to do all that and then find out he wants things from me I refuse to give him and he leaves me. I think he should decide before we move in together.
Yeah, I definitely wouldn't buy a house with him until you come to some sort of understanding. Or HE could buy the house and you could live there and pay rent - that way you are living together but are not entangled financially.
Ugh! I wish people would read. Half the posts in here are responding based on the assumption that all women want what I don't. Please don't respond if you cant properly comprehend my OP.
If half the people didn't understand the post, the problem is in the way you wrote it, not the way they read it. You need to be more clear when expressing yourself.
I don't think there's any set age that someone should know for sure if he/she wants kids, but I think serious couples should have very similar views when it comes to kids. My girlfriend is 100% sure she doesn't want kids and I feel the same.
It sounds like the OP's SO is basically telling her he wants kids and hopes she changes her mind. At the same time, he doesn't want to lose her so he's in a tough place.
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