Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Depressing reality I discovered is that for those who experience difficulty in their school years, those school years are actually the golden years of opportunity, and it gets even more difficult once you're out of school, unless you are a superstar in your line of work.
Yes I expected surely attending a large university would present some sort of opportunity. However, not being in the "frat" community I go unnoticed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sjd1
Of course if she dumps him for it it could devastate him as well.
Unless you are planning to be intimate with someone or someone just happens to find out without you saying something then I see no valid reason to mention it.
It's like you're looking for some kind of reaction when you just randomly blurt out "Aye I'm a virgin btw." Unless you're looking drama or trying to find a way to validate yourself....then don't say anything.
actually, i will soon be 25. Anyway, the question still remains the same. Let me explain the details.
I'm a 24 (almost 25) year-old black male, and as you can guess by the title i'm a virgin. There's a lot more to me than just virgin, but for this piece it holds relevancy. I not only have remained a virgin, but i am also have never been on a date or kissed a girl either. (go ahead and laugh). My reasons behind this are i guess three-fold. The first one is i guess religious, despite my christianity is more relationship than religious. I follow jesus, love him, and want to love others with grace like he does. So, i guess my virginity & is because of my love for jesus. Admitting that makes me a little fearful and wary. I'm sure someone will make fun of me because i admit that. Oh, well.
However, i must clear the air before it gets assumed. I'm not going to ever say that i am “waiting until marriage”. I like to think of myself as celibate. Saying i'm waiting until marriage makes it sound as if i'm waiting on somebody to enter my life. That or a true love waits campaign with purity rings. That's not true. Though i do have a sex drive and haven't been perfect in terms of mastering my desire and in perfect purity, i'm still celibate and i love god. With or without a significant partner that wouldn't change. With or without a ring, it wouldn't change at all. I will just continue to go for christ in my life despite it. So i'm not just saving myself until marriage. That being said, if i were to ever have a first time, i would like my first time to be with my wife i'd spend my life with and not before that. Some may call that idealistic, but it's what i am shooting for.
This all leads to my second point: I just haven't met anybody that i would be considered awestruck by. My celibacy might change if i did. It feels cliché, but i guess it is for me when i say i just haven't met anybody. I guess i have a rubric of requirements for a lady & partner, with kindness, patience, and uses kind words at the top. Side point: I'm not looking for some perfect 10, bombshell model at all. They are okay, but it doesn't take model looks for me. I would just like someone who's beautiful, who likes for me to compliment her on her beauty. With all that in mind, i just haven't met the person with the right combination of beauty and all the other qualities. I guess i'd want that girl that has everything i'm looking for. It probably sounds picky, but i'm also picky about me too. I'm personally the type who would really strive to make my partner as happy as possible and take care of her. I know i have lots to fix about me and need to get better before even meeting that lady. So my 2nd point is basically a complicated point, with issues on both sides of the coin.
My third & final point really isn't difficult at all. I guess i have been following other passions more than some girls. I really don't want to go into clubs & bars (nothing personal). Those aren't really my place. I'm just not the type. I tend to like to do things like music, reading, sports, & writing, and i really love those. I was in choirs younger and still sing now for fun, as it's my enjoyment. Singing is one of my loves. However, singing is an introverted pursuit, which fits me well as i'm introverted too. So i guess i like being in quiet and peace more than big places most of the time. I really don't see that changing about me. I don't want to change to just have the approval of people, while at the same time doing something i hate. I do and follow the passions i like, and that's fine with me. I'm fine with being more of a homebody. It actually satisfies me.
It doesn't seem to satisfy friends, family and society at large. My family honestly is scared and worried about me potentially dying alone or being alone and old. They worry about me without a mate turning into sexual deviancy. They worry about me being able to live alone and not go crazy about it. I just won't answer that. I come from a place where marriage is the norm for just about everybody, so i guess they think there's something wrong with me in that i'm just not looking to marry. Then there are some friends of mine who have said that i should just look for a prostitute and lose it there. That way i wouldn't turn into a psycho and become some dangerous criminal. Obviously, for me that has to be out of the question. Yet society says that it's not a bad idea. It's like i've become too old to be a virgin. At least 3% of people are virgins right now at my age! That's not many. Plus, people say that it's impossible to be a virgin as an adult unless you have some hangups or some religious weirdo. I take offense to both of those describing me. Yet on tv, the message is still being proclaimed. I don't see anybody there who is not having sex or something. Virginity is not really a thing that is very celebrated, especially in men. I've even heard girls say they wouldn't date a virgin. So from what i've heard, virginity is more of a joke to most people. Now, i sometimes feel like a joke for still having one.
I feel like a freak of nature for still being a virgin. I honestly feel like i am in my own boat since i'm a virgin. I don't know anybody else who is like me. It's just like i am continually being downplayed for it. I feel like society at hand is saying i'm not a “real man” because i haven't had sex. Friends are saying that i'm some sort of psycho and repressed. Then my family is saying that i'm childish for not having or wanting to have a family and babies (though i am open to adopting). No one seems to be giving any congrats, even in christian circles. They buy into the “impossibility of virginity” thing. Plus, singles aren't loved anyway in some churches because so many churches are so marriage-minded. Unless you have a spouse and kids, you aren't a real participant, it seems. I feel more condemned for being a virgin than happy for being one inside church circles, and i get depressed after being made fun of for it outside it. I am happy with my virginity, but they are planting seeds of doubt inside me now. Who's right? Am i the stupid one for maintaining my virginity or what?
So tell me, what do you think? What would you think of adult male virgins? What would you think of a virgin like me? Is there something wrong & am i weird?
no its not wrong and congrats to you! Hats off to you!
Now, that doesn't mean I would lie to a girl and say I've been in plenty of relationships, or have a lot of experience in general. However, I would say I have a little experience and that I've been in a couple of short relationships in the past.
Unless you are planning to be intimate with someone or someone just happens to find out without you saying something then I see no valid reason to mention it.
It's like you're looking for some kind of reaction when you just randomly blurt out "Aye I'm a virgin btw." Unless you're looking drama or trying to find a way to validate yourself....then don't say anything.
It's kind of sad.
This is not the same as to lie about it as that post said.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,925 times
Reputation: 2158
I find that my virginity does occasionally come up in conversation. Like if I'm talking with other guys about who is hot, and we talk about our experiences, I would mention my lack thereof. My virginity doesn't embarass me, just depresses me. And in this context virginity includes the absence of romantic relationships.
I had 2 girls (who wanted to be my *** buddy) turn me down for one night stands when I told them I was a virgin (I'm not a virgin anymore) and these 2 girls were both my friends who I had known for over a year and they were very friendly and cool....
Having known me for over a year they knew I was a normal/cool guy so it wasn't the fact that they assumed I must be weird/off in the head because I was a virgin...it was the DIRECT fact that I was a virgin and nothing else that put them off....They both came up with some bull**** about why they didn't want to sleep with me and then ignored me completely for a week (which was odd since we were friends for a long time) and than after a week texted me again to hangout like nothing had happened...I went to hang out with them (because I enjoyed hanging out with them even if it was nothing romantic) and I was solidly in the "friend-zone" from there on out....I enjoyed hanging out with them so it wasn't that big of a deal....
My point? Even if you know the girls and they know you are a normal guy....I would still lie.
It seems to me that your problem is that your being influenced by normal life stuff. Starting to question everything surrounding your virginity but not the actual virginity. The pressure of family, the possibilities of human urges, the necessity of your religious views, the timeline of your investment in self control, and the dim prospects of a good partner. If you weren't a virgin none of those perspectives should change. Many people come to love biblical values after they have lost their virginity, had kids out of wedlock and so on. If the only reason you haven't lost your virginity is because of not finding the right woman then I would say perhaps you should reevaluate the core of your beliefs and how much you really believe them. I have never met a true "Christian" that questioned the power of their prayers in doing what is right for the right reasons in the reasoning of the words from the only example of right. Not to sound like a know it all, but marriage is a necessary step for true Christians to consummate. So alter your prayers accordingly and be patient. You don't get a pat on your back for being a virgin bro your supposed to be one if your single and a true Christian according to the Bible that you love. Looking to a website for wisdom on clearly defined matters like this contradict 25 years of seemingly guided actions you saw fit to follow. Not trying to offend you but I think you know when you stand near the "tree" the advice will always be to take a bite of the fruit!!! Wisdom is to get away from the tree!!! Hope you understand that.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,925 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by NY to Chicago
I had 2 girls (who wanted to be my *** buddy) turn me down for one night stands when I told them I was a virgin (I'm not a virgin anymore) and these 2 girls were both my friends who I had known for over a year and they were very friendly and cool....
Having known me for over a year they knew I was a normal/cool guy so it wasn't the fact that they assumed I must be weird/off in the head because I was a virgin...it was the DIRECT fact that I was a virgin and nothing else that put them off....
What was said, though? Did you just ask them "I'm a virgin, want to ****?", or was it more like "I've known you for years, I love you very much, I am interested in exploring greater intimacy"?
If it was the first one, that was your real problem. But I'm interested because this is how I would like to lose my virginity, with someone who is a friend. I would want a platonic friendship to evolve into a relationship.
I had 2 girls (who wanted to be my *** buddy) turn me down for one night stands when I told them I was a virgin (I'm not a virgin anymore) and these 2 girls were both my friends who I had known for over a year and they were very friendly and cool....
Having known me for over a year they knew I was a normal/cool guy so it wasn't the fact that they assumed I must be weird/off in the head because I was a virgin...it was the DIRECT fact that I was a virgin and nothing else that put them off....They both came up with some bull**** about why they didn't want to sleep with me and then ignored me completely for a week (which was odd since we were friends for a long time) and than after a week texted me again to hangout like nothing had happened...I went to hang out with them (because I enjoyed hanging out with them even if it was nothing romantic) and I was solidly in the "friend-zone" from there on out....I enjoyed hanging out with them so it wasn't that big of a deal....
My point? Even if you know the girls and they know you are a normal guy....I would still lie.
Well I am not interested in one night stands.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Why would someone demand promiscuity!?