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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31
It kind of does, though. Because all those people that are someplace else could have vastly different experiences. We could simply talk about the difference in our social circles; my male friends can't get a date to save their soul. Not a single one. There's a variety of reasons, but if one were to use my social circle (which includes work and former schoolmates) as an indicator, you'd think men didn't date at all except that one jackass in the group that's taking all the women.
They could, but it is unlikely. That is why sampling to get statistics is so very very accurate. You have a reasonable variance/standard deviation by getting a representative group, and you can get statistically significant results that give you great accurate information on society with modest sample sizes.
I'm not talking about utilizing my self selecting peer groups, there's obviously a huge bias there, but of representative samples in places such as workplaces (not niche fields) and schools (more like universities) where there is a broad representative sample.
But still, I've never seen it. In fact it's gotten much, much harder for me since 30.
But, like I said, I've also become a bitter, jaded a**hole since 30.
But I guess I don't even get what it means when guys say 'it's so much easier after 30.' Do women start approaching you? Do you start getting more "yes's?"
When you say it gets better after 30, what do you specifically mean? What are things that would happen to you on a day-to-day basis that made you think, "man, things are really looking up?"
Most men in their 30's find their groove. They stop being nervous horn dogs, stop wearing crap clothes, they get comfortable and confident in their own skin. Then women start to respond more favorably.
The fact that you have never seen it happen means you keep to a very small circle of people, because it's very common for dating to get easier for men after their 20's.
I'm not clear on what you're asking. Signs/signals/symptoms of what?
I hear a lot of guys saying "it gets so much easier after 30" or "women became more attracted to me after 30."
What does it actually mean? Do women start approaching you? Do you start hearing "yes" more often?
Were you able to get with better looking women than in the past?
I don't know why I'm on the reverse side of this curve. Things were awesome for me in most of my 20's and the whole situation just sucks now since my late 20's.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dport7674
They are the same thing. The idea that two people start out as friends, start a sexual relationship, and eventually go back to just being friends is almost always make believe.
Negative
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dport7674
The reality is they started out as friends, became f buddies and then when the sex stopped the friendship stopped. While they were f buddies they were fwb's.
Negative
I never lost a friend I slept with just because we stopped having sex. Never. Why would it end? We're friends. Maybe you don't think friends are valuable, I do.
I hear a lot of guys talking about this. The tide turning, so to speak, after 20 and it getting better from there on out.
I've just never seen it. Though, I am a bitter, jaded a**hole.
No, the 20's can still kinda suck but don't get bitter because frankly most of the guys I see doing that are really to blame for their own poor choices. Like my buddy that wasted 5+ years and a ton of money chasing this hot bar waitress with financial and mental issues and whom cheated on him and used him.
He was a dumbass. If he's jaded about that....that's like shoving your arm down a badger hole and complaining about the mauling.
Here is the key. If you keep fit, are a decent fellow and have your life together....you start to bury a segment of the competition when you get older. The guy that lives with his folks and plays part-time in a band is cool at age 20......and by age 35.....um...no longer competition.
The players also get torn up over time because:
a) They are still chasing young gals enroute to become full fledged "creepers"
b) Their track record of divorces and illegitimate kids can't be glossed over
c) The gals their age aren't as naive anymore and don't fall for their garbage.
Hope this helps but remember, if you are getting jaded it's in most cases your own fault whether you recognize it or not.
But still, I've never seen it. In fact it's gotten much, much harder for me since 30.
But, like I said, I've also become a bitter, jaded a**hole since 30.
But I guess I don't even get what it means when guys say 'it's so much easier after 30.' Do women start approaching you? Do you start getting more "yes's?"
When you say it gets better after 30, what do you specifically mean? What are things that would happen to you on a day-to-day basis that made you think, "man, things are really looking up?"
Take this with a grain of salt, but I consider myself something of an expert in this particular transformation. I'm absolutely that same bitter, jaded a**hole, so I know exactly what it's like.
Also, keep in mind that some women are going to come here and dispute certain points here, so take them with an equal grain of salt.
1) Women still don't approach* (obviously some do somewhere, but I can pick out a random guy and tell you that a woman hasn't approached him with intentions to date in a LONG time, if ever). That doesn't change regardless of age.
2) You will start getting more yes's.
2a) ...because biological clocks are ticking
2b) ...because you are more fluent in "what not to do" (which is more important than "what to do")
2c) ...because your finances are likely in better order
3) Women are more straightforward about what they want at that age. As we all age, we have less time for bull****. So the silly mind games and whatnot that take all your time in your 20's become nonexistent by comparison in your 30's. If a woman wants to get married, she's gonna let you know that's the plan, SOON. If she wants it casual, she's even MORE likely to let you know right away. Less guesswork.
3b) There's also less bull**** in the dating process. Women your age are less likely to "friendzone" you and are more likely to let you know, one way or another, if dating is happening or not.
4) It's less "expected" that you have to pay for everything, since she's more likely to have a career of her own. That never goes away, but it becomes less of a "thing" as you get older.
5) Women your age are better in bed. They've learned more, and are typically less inhibited.
They could, but it is unlikely. That is why sampling to get statistics is so very very accurate. You have a reasonable variance/standard deviation by getting a representative group, and you can get statistically significant results that give you great accurate information on society with modest sample sizes.
I'm not talking about utilizing my self selecting peer groups, there's obviously a huge bias there, but of representative samples in places such as workplaces (not niche fields) and schools (more like universities) where there is a broad representative sample.
I guess what I'm saying is that sampling is only accurate given a large enough sample size, and I feel yours isn't large enough to make the kind of statements you're making. Obviously, we disagree on that, I'm just clarifying my point.
Most men in their 30's find their groove. They stop being nervous horn dogs, stop wearing crap clothes, they get comfortable and confident in their own skin. Then women start to respond more favorably.
The fact that you have never seen it happen means you keep to a very small circle of people, because it's very common for dating to get easier for men after their 20's.
Yeah, that may be the case. Late 20's is also when I started living alone, and all my friends started to get married, so I started socializing far less.
I did pretty well in my teens and 20's so I guess that was my peak.
Either way, I turn 36 in a couple of months and feel like I'm just too far down the rabbit hole to try to sort it all out now and try to get my social/dating life in order, and that's even if I weren't tremendously bitter and jaded.
Plus, I've used so many of the wrong methods to cope that I would have to peel back 2 or 3 layers of other problems before I could even begin to address my romantic troubles.
I agree with Hivemind on most of the above. I think that's why dating is better for both genders as they age.
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