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Then I'll tell you the same thing that all the men with the same problem get told: you're shooting out of your league. Lower your standards. If you got laughed at, you were shooting WAY out of your league.
Women hold OBJECTIVELY more cards than men. They have 2 options, whereas men have 1.
2 > 1
Men have those same options. If man waits and doesn't get noticed, it's not because he's a man. But he's either unapproachable in some way, or doesn't have anything unique about him that makes him stand out. Same with women. They may seem unapproachable, or it's easier for them to fade into the background. That goes back to being shy/quiet/socially awkward. Anyone with these traits will have issues.
A woman can approach and get rejected. Or sit back and wait and not be noticed. Depends on the individual what works.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate
Men have those same options. If man waits and doesn't get noticed, it's not because he's a man. But he's either unapproachable in some way, or doesn't have anything unique about him that makes him stand out. Same with women. They may seem unapproachable, or it's easier for them to fade into the background. That goes back to being shy/quiet/socially awkward. Anyone with these traits will have issues.
Yeah, I agree. It isn't gender, it is personality and looks. An ugly extrovert would have less chances than a hot extrovert, but more chances than an ugly introvert.
Yeah, I agree. It isn't gender, it is personality and looks. An ugly extrovert would have less chances than a hot extrovert, but more chances than an ugly introvert.
Agreed. Again, a girl I know is not hot imo. Now she's definitely not ugly. But she doesn't seem like someone who'd turn heads on her looks alone. But she's bubbly, outgoing, does her own thing without care, and she seems active in the dating and sex market. She's a partying girl. So guys probably are crazy about her because she's fun and uninhibited.
Put 2 average/decent-looking people together. The extrovert/charismatic one is probably going to draw in more attention than the shy/quiet one who isn't socializing or just keeping to themselves.
Hell, put an attractive quiet person with a slightly less hot/average charming extrovert, and the extrovert will still probably get more attention because they invite it. They seem more approachable and fun. The other, while a looker may come off as too stand-offish and it will repel more people than attractive and intrigue. Quiet doesn't seem inviting and fun. And it may work against them further if they have a mean-looking resting face. They may look mad, when they really aren't. I have gotten that question where some ask me what I am mad about, and I have had to reply that i'm not.
Last edited by HappyRain; 02-20-2015 at 04:26 PM..
Sure they do. They can go ahead and approach who they like.
That's why I never get this debate because it seems so obvious to me that women have far more options and hold almost all the cards.
A man has 1 option: approach.
A woman has 2 options: approach or sit back and wait.
A guy who sits back and waits is certainly going to die alone, unless he is exceptional in some way.
You've got to save your breath (fingers?) on this one. We have people around here who will never believe this is the case and will not hear otherwise. You simply have to take your experience and go from there.
That said, while all this is true, complaining about it will get you nowhere. Hate the game all you want, but it doesn't change anything. Learning to play it yields better results than trying to change the rules. You could not play at all, but I wouldn't recommend it.
There are still many options that a guy like yourself has at his disposal. Trying to share them here will bog this thread down in flames, but feel free to DM me if you'd like.
Agreed. Again, a girl I know is not hot imo. Now she's definitely not ugly. But she doesn't seem like someone who'd turn heads on her looks alone. But she's bubbly, outgoing, does her own thing without care, and she seems active in the dating and sex market. She's a partying girl. So guys probably are crazy about her because she's fun and uninhibited.
Put 2 average/decent-looking people together. The extrovert/charismatic one is probably going to draw in more attention than the shy/quiet one who isn't socializing or just keeping to themselves.
Hell, put an attractive quiet person with a slightly less hot/average charming extrovert, and the extrovert will still probably get more attention because they invite it. They seem more approachable and fun. The other, while a looker may come off as too stand-offish and it will repel more people than attractive and intrigue. Quiet doesn't seem inviting and fun. And it make more even more against someone if they have a mean-looking resting face. They may look mad, when they really aren't.
You'll note that in both examples you provide, the woman is waiting to "turn heads" or "draw in more attention".
You'll note that in both examples you provide, the woman is waiting to "turn heads" or "draw in more attention".
My only example containing a woman is the one I know. The party girl? Yeah, she's a woman. And? Anything else I have said hasn't been gender specific. It works for men and women. The example wasn't about the woman being a woman. it was about the personality she had, which is a big factor in what people may attract.
The point is, regardless of gender, the real debate is extrovert/charming vs. Introvert/Shy/socially awkward.
The former will attract more attention. The latter will not, be it a man or a woman. So if one is quiet or socially awkward, then dating will be a huge chore for them, as opposed to more social people who will attract more positive feedback, not to say they'll never get rejected or dumped. But their success rate will be a bit better.
My only example containing a woman is the one I know. The party girl? Yeah, she's a woman. And? Anything else I have said hasn't been gender specific. It works for men and women.
The point is, regardless of gender, the real debate is extrovert/charming vs. Introvert/Shy/socially awkward.
The former will attract more attention. The latter will not, be it a man or a woman. So if one is quiet or socially awkward, then dating will be a huge chore for them, as opposed to more social people who will attract more positive feedback, not to say they'll never get rejected or dumped. But their success rate will be a bit better.
Oh, we get it. Charismatic people will get more attention than non-charismatic people. But that doesn't address Smuggler's concern.
Or a new one that I have, relevant to his posts: Do you believe that, all things equal, a man and a woman of equivalent extroversion/charm will draw equivalent attention? I'm genuinely curious.
I know why you people can't get dates. You don't listen! None of you are listening (reading) what anyone else is actually saying. You get the gist or what you think is the gist and you're off and running with your suppositions and "facts". What a mess. Clearly this is a hot topic... 157 posts in a few hours... yikes... its rude to talk with food in your mouth and/or your fingers in your ears.
All that said... its true. Women do hold much of the power in the dating wars. Not arguable. What that means is something else entirely. I mean... so what. They hold the power, and? Clearly it doesn't stop guys from getting with them... marrying them... dumping them... cheating on them... in most of nature the female is in a passively powerful position. Someone here put it well... hate the game all you want but... what... its not like you are going to succeed without playing by its rules. Unless you don't have to... and if you don't have to... you don't need to worry about it...
I know why you people can't get dates. You don't listen! None of you are listening (reading) what anyone else is actually saying. You get the gist or what you think is the gist and you're off and running with your suppositions and "facts". What a mess. Clearly this is a hot topic... 157 posts in a few hours... yikes... its rude to talk with food in your mouth and/or your fingers in your ears.
All that said... its true. Women do hold much of the power in the dating wars. Not arguable. What that means is something else entirely. I mean... so what. They hold the power, and? Clearly it doesn't stop guys from getting with them... marrying them... dumping them... cheating on them... in most of nature the female is in a passively powerful position. Someone here put it well... hate the game all you want but... what... its not like you are going to succeed without playing by its rules. Unless you don't have to... and if you don't have to... you don't need to worry about it...
H
Here's the thing: many people maintain otherwise.
Also, hooray for someone thinking I put something well
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