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Were you able to get with better looking women than in the past?
This one, for the most part, is not true. If you're in the "younger = hotter" demographic (as I am), then no. However, you'll be able to fare better, relatively speaking. It's not like women are becoming decrepit in the 30's, but if you're doing a straight "are you dating hotter women now?" comparison, then the answer is no.
I hear a lot of guys saying "it gets so much easier after 30" or "women became more attracted to me after 30."
What does it actually mean? Do women start approaching you? Do you start hearing "yes" more often?
Were you able to get with better looking women than in the past?
I don't know why I'm on the reverse side of this curve. Things were awesome for me in most of my 20's and the whole situation just sucks now since my late 20's.
Disclaimer: Bitter, jaded a**hole.
I'm a 29 y/o guy, so I can probably relate to you pretty well.
In my early to mid-20s, I had a great time. I was fresh out of college and living independently in a pretty vibrant downtown landscape. I went out with my friends, met women at bars/clubs, made out, hooked up. You name it. It was a blast. But then 25 came and went and things started to go downhill for me.
As I reached the latter side of my 20s, I started to want something more serious. My friends were settling down and I thought that is what I should be doing as well. That said, it's difficult to meet people in that age group with the same agenda as you. For one, everyone is all over the place with their life goals. For those who wanted to settle down early on, they were already in LTRs or getting married. The rest were still having fun and figuring out the next steps of their lives. There just wasn't a lot of choices in the middle, where I fell.
Being in your late 20s can be difficult for this reason. The women younger than you, who you'd typically want to pursue, are often times not looking for anything serious. The women older than you are often times looking to settle down, marry, start a family, etc. It's all about finding your target audience and that can be difficult at this stage of the game since you're treading a thin line between two vastly different stages in life.
I wouldn't say that more women approach me now, but they definitely seem more willing to say 'yes' to going out. The 20-somethings are impressed with me because I got my life together. The 30-somethings are also impressed that I have it together, but also like that I'm youthful and vibrant and fun. I guess that can be difficult to find with guys 35 and up, or so I've been told. My full, thick head of hair is apparently a big draw, too. Go figure.
If you're not having much luck with the 20-something women, which isn't unbelievable, try pursuing the women slightly older than you. They are typically more serious about meeting people and are often times more engaged in the people they are meeting. It's a maturity thing and it's definitely a 'different stage of life' thing.
As someone that dated when they were in their early 20's the gals held the power.
When I dated around age 40....not so....probably even tilted in the guys favor a little bit and it just gets more and more in the guys favor from that age up.
Just a *general* observation true in many but not all cases.
This is true if you are dating women in your agegroup. Women in their 40's tend to have a lot of baggage, tend to not look as good, tend to not be as fit, probably have kids and don't have as much to offer physically as they did in their 20's or 30's.
Guys will put up with some crap to get some good snizzle from a hot chick, not so much with some old dried up nag...
No, the 20's can still kinda suck but don't get bitter because frankly most of the guys I see doing that are really to blame for their own poor choices. Like my buddy that wasted 5+ years and a ton of money chasing this hot bar waitress with financial and mental issues and whom cheated on him and used him.
He was a dumbass. If he's jaded about that....that's like shoving your arm down a badger hole and complaining about the mauling.
Here is the key. If you keep fit, are a decent fellow and have your life together....you start to bury a segment of the competition when you get older. The guy that lives with his folks and plays part-time in a band is cool at age 20......and by age 35.....um...no longer competition.
The players also get torn up over time because:
a) They are still chasing young gals enroute to become full fledged "creepers"
b) Their track record of divorces and illegitimate kids can't be glossed over
c) The gals their age aren't as naive anymore and don't fall for their garbage.
Hope this helps but remember, if you are getting jaded it's in most cases your own fault whether you recognize it or not.
If you keep fit: I'm in the worst shape of my life. Luckily I'm still not fat. Are a decent fellow: Bitter, jaded, a**hole, remember? Have your life together: This is debatable, I guess. I do make good money at a job I've been at for a long time. But really, I'm a drunken, coked-up mess of a man boy, and most in my social circle know as much. Plus, I've become really "accident prone" lately and had some near-death experiences in the last couple of years due to my lifestyle of recklessness and disregard for my own safety.
I like your description here a lot, because, it made me realize why I'm not seeing anything getting better in my 30's: I'm one of the guys getting buried.
I've already addressed most of your other stuff, as it's the boilerplate you usually offer.
But I'd like to take a crack at the bolded. Your assertion holds up if we assume that everyone is only dating one person at a time, which we know to not be the case. It doesn't hold water because a lot of women want and are, in fact, dating the same men.
What we have going on today are soft harems, where average women are willing to accept FWB, less-than-committed arrangements from men who they perceive as "above them" on the dating/social totem pole.
What you end up with is a lot of higher-end guys dating/sleeping with 5-10 women at a time, and the average guys are getting frozen out.
This I can spar with as well. What I've learned in my years of dating, women are much better at dating multiple men than men are dating multiple women. For men, we are ultimately sleeping with many different women at once, while women are actually dating (no sex) multiple men at a time. This isn't always the case, but it does make you ponder. As men, we can have a tendency to sleep with more different women than I think women do, statistically.
A woman who ranks highly on enough guys list will have a much easier time dating multiple guys. I know for a fact that I want a challenge from a woman if I'm going to date her. I've only had one relationship that bloomed from a ONS and it was my longest relationship to date. At the same time we were 22 and 23 with next to no relationship experience. It was fun and it blossomed into something great. Most women after that "challenged" me to where we went out on multiple dates before we were even intimate with each other.
I wouldn't agree with Timberline that many relationships come from an FWB, but I will counter that I'm in a very marriage forward state as well. I've had my share of them, and sometimes I wanted more from them and sometimes they wanted more from me. At the end of the day though, we both ended up not committing to each other.
Dating is not easy and there's been plenty of times in my life where I've "settled" for less until something I perceived better came along. At the same time, those women hoped I would "settle" for them, but I didn't. They ultimately found someone to settle down with too.
In my last paragraph I use "settle" and settle in two different ways. This "settle" means we weren't right for each other, but were using each other until settle came along and made us honest partners.
This is true if you are dating women in your agegroup. Women in their 40's tend to have a lot of baggage, tend to not look as good, tend to not be as fit, probably have kids and don't have as much to offer physically as they did in their 20's or 30's.
Guys will put up with some crap to get some good snizzle from a hot chick, not so much with some old dried up nag...
The same can be said for men, most men don't looks as good as they did when they were in their 20's, have baggage and kids, and don't offer as much physically as they did in their 20', and 30's.
Women have a bit of a leg up in the initial phase, in that more of the men are expected to do more of the approaching, but it terms of real relationships and finding real compatibly, I think it's pretty equal between both sexes.
Take this with a grain of salt, but I consider myself something of an expert in this particular transformation. I'm absolutely that same bitter, jaded a**hole, so I know exactly what it's like.
Also, keep in mind that some women are going to come here and dispute certain points here, so take them with an equal grain of salt.
1) Women still don't approach* (obviously some do somewhere, but I can pick out a random guy and tell you that a woman hasn't approached him with intentions to date in a LONG time, if ever). That doesn't change regardless of age.
2) You will start getting more yes's.
2a) ...because biological clocks are ticking
2b) ...because you are more fluent in "what not to do" (which is more important than "what to do")
2c) ...because your finances are likely in better order
3) Women are more straightforward about what they want at that age. As we all age, we have less time for bull****. So the silly mind games and whatnot that take all your time in your 20's become nonexistent by comparison in your 30's. If a woman wants to get married, she's gonna let you know that's the plan, SOON. If she wants it casual, she's even MORE likely to let you know right away. Less guesswork.
3b) There's also less bull**** in the dating process. Women your age are less likely to "friendzone" you and are more likely to let you know, one way or another, if dating is happening or not.
4) It's less "expected" that you have to pay for everything, since she's more likely to have a career of her own. That never goes away, but it becomes less of a "thing" as you get older.
5) Women your age are better in bed. They've learned more, and are typically less inhibited.
If you keep fit: I'm in the worst shape of my life. Luckily I'm still not fat. Are a decent fellow: Bitter, jaded, a**hole, remember? Have your life together: This is debatable, I guess. I do make good money at a job I've been at for a long time. But really, I'm a drunken, coked-up mess of a man boy, and most in my social circle know as much. Plus, I've become really "accident prone" lately and had some near-death experiences in the last couple of years due to my lifestyle of recklessness and disregard for my own safety.
I like your description here a lot, because, it made me realize why I'm not seeing anything getting better in my 30's: I'm one of the guys getting buried.
Well, dang, dude. I think you just reached the source of your problems right here in this post. I think you need to start working on them, and then you'll start to see your results turn around.
I never lost a friend I slept with just because we stopped having sex. Never. Why would it end? We're friends. Maybe you don't think friends are valuable, I do.
You done it several times and things never went south, not once? No one ever developed feelings causing things to turn awkward, never happened after several times?
If you say no you're lying.
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