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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DuckOfMs
I'd imagine this is part of the reason that many guys complain.
They're expected to put themselves out first emotionally (by facing a possible rejection) and then financially (even if it's only $20).
You're all irate over something that is not happening.
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Yes, that's some of the bad parts of being a guy, and there are bad parts to being a woman.
The world is made like for almost everything. Hard for some, easy for some, fair, not fair, etc.
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So what if they would? That still doesn't make them gold diggers.
I absolutely haven't said anything about "gold diggers" so, what are you talking about?
So what if they would?
The post that I was responding to stated that there weren't tons of women trying to get a free meal out of a guy. But, I don't think that's what guys are worried about. I think they're worried about being taken advantage of by someone only being willing to spend time with them if the guy spends money on them.
It's a bit crude, but the obvious analogy is sex.
I imagine most women wouldn't like this
Woman: Do you want to get together?
Man: Are you going to have sex?
Sex and money are different, for sure, but considering feelings how is that different than
Man: Do you want to get together?
Woman: Are you paying?
Both situations are devaluing the person compared to something else (sex or money)
Yes, that's some of the bad parts of being a guy, and there are bad parts to being a woman.
The world is made like for almost everything. Hard for some, easy for some, fair, not fair, etc.
I'm assuming you're a woman.
Would you prefer we try to change the bad parts of being a woman or just throw up our hands and say "not fair"?
Is it the same for men?
But why did you want to? Because you wanted to make a good impression? Because you wanted to make her feel special? Because you didn't want to risk her thinking that you were rude or not interested?
Just how I am, and chances are, I asked her out on a date, first. So I do it. But I do not feel obligated to pay and it would be a giant red flag if she had that mindset.
I've never had a bad first date, so I've never been tempted to go dutch. I'd probably still pay for the date, though.
But for it to be a requirement? Ridiculous.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
It's not rampant at all, it's downright rare. Rare enough that most people, even those with some assets, will never ever run into it. Unless they hang out with a certain lowbrow crowd.
Simple enough not to do that.
Add the rarity of it to the notion that if you're suspicious of everyone's intent, you're not going to have fun. Dating is about going out and having fun. If I'm concerned about being used for my modest means, I'm not going to have fun, not much different that if a woman I go out there is going to be on edge and afraid I'm only going to use her for her body, she probably won't have fun. So, I generally try to avoid those people and also not approach things with that mindset. It is ultimately self defeating.
Source?
Quote:
Originally Posted by natiam
Some of the men on here are cheapskates Lol. If shelling out $20 is that big of a deal to you on a first date (especially if you're the one initiating the date), it looks like you need more than just dating advice. Try the career forum.
This is so lazy, I'm not even going to waste my time.
See, the women who go out with a guy for a free meal made it tough for ALL women. The guys who expect sex for the cost of a date make it tough for ALL guys. Then, there is all the hooey online that people believe that makes dating more (rather than less) difficult for EVERYONE - because each of us deserves a 10 because each of us is a 10 ourselves, right? Let's not forget that some people have little or no manners and/or upbringing.
Ok, but why did he feel it necessary to even suggest dinner if he knew he was unwilling or unable to pay for it? I would've been fine with just drinks.
He was willing to pay for it...that is, for his meal. Why did you go if you were not willing to pay for your dinner? When I was in those kinds of situations I never assumed someone would be paying for my expenses. If I accepted to go somewhere it was because I wanted, not because someone was twisting my arm. Therefore, I always went with the idea I would pay for whatever I consumed. Not sure why I would feel entitled simply because someone suggested to go somewhere or whatever.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73
Yeah, this guy doesn't sound like a keeper to me. To not even offer to walk you to your car?
So he has to pay for your meals, drinks, walk to you to your car, etc. What else should a man do for you?
I'd imagine this is part of the reason that many guys complain.
They're expected to put themselves out first emotionally (by facing a possible rejection) and then financially (even if it's only $20).
It's life, people get rejected from all sorts of things. If a guy can't afford to take a girl out to dinner, then don't ask her to go to dinner in the first place. It's as simple as that. Suggest a stroll in the park and maybe scrape up a meal at home. I'd much rather a guy spend that kind of effort than take me to a high end restaurant for some fancy meal anyway.
He was willing to pay for it...that is, for his meal. Why did you go if you were not willing to pay for your dinner? When I was in those kinds of situations I never assumed someone would be paying for my expenses. If I accepted to go somewhere it was because I wanted, not because someone was twisting my arm. Therefore, I always went with the idea I would pay for whatever I consumed. Not sure why I would feel entitled simply because someone suggested to go somewhere or whatever.
Hey there, I knew you'd show up soon! I was willing to pay for my dinner and I did. I never said anything about assuming that he would pay for me or feeling entitled to be paid for.
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