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People should be kind and gentle in dealing with people with weight issues - but there's nothing wrong with a bit of honesty peppered with grace! Physical appearances do matter. Personality is important but what attracts you initially is not personality it is the physical appearance. I don't think it's about being self important it's just truth for 90% of people.
I lack the grace gene. Sorry, but I do speak truth very well. If nobody else wants to say it for fear of offending people, I will. Looks matter initially more than anything else, and it's a gradient scale, it tapers off the longer you are in a relationship. So at the very beginning, it is quite a large piece of the pie.
The self importance was in reference to this discussion being important enough to hate someone over. Physical appearance seem to matter more before time ages a person. Kind of like buying the latest fad in jeans or what ever. Maybe we have to lose some of the people we love to realize where the true focus needs to be. Most people who are overweight know about it already, they don't need someone to tell them, gentle or otherwise.
I lack the grace gene. Sorry, but I do speak truth very well. If nobody else wants to say it for fear of offending people, I will. Looks matter initially more than anything else, and it's a gradient scale, it tapers off the longer you are in a relationship. So at the very beginning, it is quite a large piece of the pie.
I agree 100% People don't like the truth but they will eat themselves into the grave. They might be beautiful people inside but they are not healthy and will not live to see old age. When America faces up to the obesity epidemic with truth then we will see positive changes. And that's loving someone - fat or not - wanting the best for them health wise.
Physical appearance seem to matter more before time ages a person.
This will probably always be true. Youth is wasted on the young, right? Unfortunately most people want to get married before they are 60. Most people enjoy their young bodies when they have them, and want to get locked into a lasting relationship before they have old bodies. So you deal with your emotional+spiritual mindset at that point in your life. If I get married when I'm 28, I won't be as mature as when I'm 48. I might look back and go 'you know, I should have married that ugly fat woman that always sat next to me on the bus. She seemed to be really really nice." But of course, unless you are too old to 'care' about all of that, you won't notice the people except those you are sexually attracted to. Even women know this, as the bad boys are the sexiest!
The value of something is not what you wish it was, but what you can sell it for. A young person (18-29) will be able to attract a much larger group of potential partners than an older one (40-whatever). Those in their thirties are really a toss-up between the two groups.
Quote:
Originally Posted by future1
Physical appearance seem to matter more before time ages a person.
..............and? Are you suggesting everybody wait until they are old enough to not care about physical appearance, before they select a mate? A lot of older people who are currently single, probably wish they would have settled down back before they were working with a diminished overall physical package. Likewise, those who are currently still married, are probably happy that they are not still out 'on the market.' It's better to marry rather young I think, and if that's true, you're not going to be the most mature person, and looks are going to matter to you. Guess there is no winner!
I think some fuller figured women are just grateful to find a guy that doesnt mind a few extra pounds, some of those women might have a little less self esteem about themselves and they may not think they'll ever find someone. I know someone right now who hangs on to someone, despite the abuse, simply because she's afraid she wont find anyone else who will care for her like he 'does'. (In her eyes, he cares. In everyone elses eyes, he's a mooch).
Your comments may be true to some extent. I notice from your profile you are thin (5'3, 116lbs) and I assume your friend is heavy from your post. Above a certain size I would say a woman's self-esteem could be less, but it just depends on the individual. There are certainly 300lbs women who are confident and 100lbs women who are not.
I do think it is an overgeneralization to think that all fuller figured women have to settle. I don't believe that is what you were saying in your post.
It sounds like your friend needs to get more confidence to get beyond this loser. Having him around is only going to make her feel worse about herself and keep the cycle of abuse going. If she has good qualities (I am assuming as your friend she does) she will be able to find someone who appreciates her for who she is and that will make her feel better about herself. It sounds like she can do better even if she doesn't think so.
I agree 100% People don't like the truth but they will eat themselves into the grave. They might be beautiful people inside but they are not healthy and will not live to see old age. When America faces up to the obesity epidemic with truth then we will see positive changes. And that's loving someone - fat or not - wanting the best for them health wise.
How do you know they are not healthy? I'm a big girl. And I'm not healthy- but that has nothing to do with my weight! I'd like to see anyone go through several rounds of prednisone and not blow up like a balloon. I gain *only* 30 pounds in a month on a good round- my last round hit during finals and I gained 50. And it doesn't just drop off for me.
So that's one thing I want guys who seek full figured women to know. Not all of us are overweight because we love to eat. I *do* love to eat- but I eat very healthy. My last long term boyfriend lost 40 pounds over the 6 months we were together on my cooking (and not for lack of eating I can tell you!)... it just doesn't work for me that way. Calorie in and calories burned might work if you don't have health problems. Sadly, while I could probably lift several of these rude posters over my head and outrun them in a race, that's not going to change my health problems or the fact that some of my problems occasionally need to be controlled by a drug that makes me gain tons of weight.
Also, a guy that says he *only* dates larger women is just as unattractive to me as a guy who *only* dates small ones. I've found plenty of guys who are caring, intellectually challenging, and respectful of me who also act the same whether they're dating girls who are 100 pounds soaking wet or 300 pounds. I don't find guys who talk about smaller girls with condescension cute or endearing either- just because I'm big doesn't mean I'm raising a pitch fork and raiding the sorority house with Big Macs on my nights off.
I don't find guys who talk about smaller girls with condescension cute or endearing either- just because I'm big doesn't mean I'm raising a pitch fork and raiding the sorority house with Big Macs on my nights off.
Sometimes better to be overweight than underweight
I would argue it is much healthier to be 50 pounds overweight than 50 pounds underweight. 50 pounds underweight would make you Karen Carpenter.
I am not saying that there are not health concerns for those who are morbidly obese as this often leads to increased risk of diabetes and cardiovascular disease, but sometimes we get too hung up on people who have a few extra pounds.
As I have said before, I don't care so much what size you are as long as you are healthy.
What do us full figured women like in a man? One who treats us like a person in spite of being larger than a super model.
I have to admit I shy away from men who are trim because I assume they're into physical appearance (I know, bad assumption). I guess I worry too much about what others think.
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