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I saw something interesting on my facebook page this morning. A gal I have known for 10 years(haven't really talked to though for a few years) posted that someone had left her a "secret admirer" gift on Valentines Day. She and several other friends automatically assumed it was creepy/stalkerish right off the bat. I'd 99% bet whoever did it had decent intentions but immediately the shark teeth are out. Well whoever the secret admirer is, most definitely he's gone now as I sure he heard the reaction.
The saddest part is because of such stupid bad apples men stop doing nice and romantic things!
The saddest part is because of such stupid bad apples men stop doing nice and romantic things!
Probably it would have been better for him to reveal himself instead of the pantomime, but I'm guessing it was all completely innocent.
Having dealt with two women stalkers and knowing that it is all negative nastiness, this didn't strike me as being stalkerish at all. If he had done something like slit his own wrists and used the blood to write things on her door that would be cause for concern(yes I know of a gal that did that, fortunately not to me) but a Valentines gift, come on.
So when you do get the unappreciative nasty feedback, it doesn't exactly reward you to do it again.
However, the mistake I think men and women make is to let all these bad events drive us down the negative road. We get jaded from bad experiences and then let it drive our behavior.
Today I had a very dark day and it seemed like my mind was at work all day as things have been very up and down. Seems like there have been setbacks everywhere, some totally out of my control, like the blizzard. Are there things I could do better? Is it all these other people? Is it the economy? Thinking it through this evening, I can't let that drive my behavior or be sour about it. Same with relationships I think and every day when we wake up we need to figuratively peel off that old skin and begin anew.
So in regards to pursuing women, us men out there just need to go and do what we always do. I'm convinced there are some decent reasonable women out there and when we encounter nasty ******* or ball stomping feminists, drop em like a hot potato and move down the line.
There is nothing wrong with any of these things! And I am a woman. I do however like a "nice" restaurant once in awhile at the beginning of the relationship somewhere and then through out for occasions is nice. I think high maintenance women want the fancy dinners all the time etc. Move on!
It's a brand new world. We have Internet dating now. You, me, a couple of laptops... I once thought that would be a very funny (strange) sort of date. You go out to the same place together with free WiFi with your laptops and "chat" using your keyboards instead of actually speaking to one another.
I was thinking of a song just the other day, called "If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl." The singer was told, among other things, "If you don't mean it, then don't whistle..." How much does a guy want to commit towards a possible relationship unless he knows how she will respond to his advances--in advance?
The saddest part is because of such stupid bad apples men stop doing nice and romantic things!
It really has nothing to do with one bad male apple spoiling the bunch. The liberation of women and their ongoing struggle for independence and equality has practically destroyed the notion of romance and chivalry. Men aren't allowed to be men anymore, unless you're gay and willing to be totally submissive, tail between legs, to the ultra-dominant, feminist woman, straight or lesbian. I send flowers to the women in my family, nobody else. I rarely send flowers or surprise gifts to any woman, unless she's a knockout tremendous physical specimen. I don't mind taking a chance in order to seeks the truths about the woman I'm pursuing. The hope is always that the quality of the woman on the inside matches the physical quality and beauty from the outside. When I'm dating, I don't send gifts of any kind until at least one year into the relationship when I know she'll appreciate my gesture and we're practically exclusive to each other. Why sends flowers or gifts to a chick that's probably getting the same stuff from other men, often not appreciating the honest effort put forth by the nice guy? Women these days are more inclined to send flowers back to the source destination in fear of not wanting to "lead on" the interested male, especially if she's not interested in him for whatever reasons. Some send flowers back because the guy who sent them may not meet her physical requirements, hence he passed off as a creep anyways. Besides, women send each other flowers at random, perhaps getting the romance they so desire from the men who used to be romantic but not anymore. Fine by me.
Short: So... your understanding of chivalry and true manhood is you send flowers to someone you like, and the woman is thereby obligated to do your bidding because she is forever in your debt? That you are the only one who gets to have standards when it comes to the opposite sex? Well, I've always suspected that's what so-called "chivalry" is all about. Glad it's over.
Becasue you want a guy that you like to pursue you..If a guy you arent attracted to approaches then you give him a face like how dare you approach me and make him feel like an ass and reluctant to approach women again...
Becasue you want a guy that you like to pursue you..If a guy you arent attracted to approaches then you give him a face like how dare you approach me and make him feel like an ass and reluctant to approach women again...
So what's wrong with that? Are you saying I should welcome pursuit by men that I don't like and don't find attractive? As for psychological issues: rejection is an indelible part of dating. If men's psyches are so fragile that they can't take it, then I really don't know what to say.
Why don't men pursue women anymore? Seems it only happens in the movies.
In my own experience, men will give me their phone numbers....and ask me to call them....and I'm 45 years old! This seems messed up.
Any comments gentlemen? Preferably men over 40 to answer please.
Interesting discussion but I think the question's premise may be wrong (that men don't pursue) and/or your expectations may be a bit unrealistic (princess syndrome?) Men are pursuing - they give you their numbers perhaps moving a bit slower than a 17 yo packed with hormones. . . life's more complicated at 50 than 20.
I checked out your profile pic (it's hot ) and can't picture many 40+ single guys who wouldn't be flattered to get a call. Perhaps meet one interesting guy halfway; initiate that awkward first call and trip to starbucks. See if he puts on the armor and goes into knight mode. Neat thread.
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I once thought that would be a very funny (strange) sort of date. You go out to the same place together with free WiFi with your laptops and "chat" using your keyboards instead of actually speaking to one another.
Seems it only happens in the movies.
perhaps moving a bit slower than a 17 yo packed with hormones. . . life's more complicated at 50 than 20.
) and can't picture many 40+ single guys who wouldn't be flattered to get a call. Perhaps meet one interesting guy halfway; initiate that awkward first call and trip to starbucks. See if he puts on the armor and goes into knight mode. Neat thread.