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I agree there are picky men. They are the 10% most attractive men that women crave and the wealthy. They are VERY picky.
As to the rest of men, they may want to be picky, but unlike most women, they can do little about it, so they compromise..
I think this is something that some women often miss...which is that: for all of the complaining about pressures and pickiness of men, the reality is that 90% of men simply cant afford to be anywhere NEAR as picky as they want to be. Unless the woman had her legs sewn on backwards from birth, she is fair game. And many men wouldnt discount the woman with the deformed legs.
By these standards, men have been happily "settling" for centuries...the rub lies in the fact that women have an aversion to any sort of settling, so despite the fact that their options for romance are much wider, and thus they can be much more picky, their options for commitment and longterm relationships are much slimmer by their own doing...the vast majority of women CHOOSE to become slaves to the pressures and pickiness of the 10% of desirable men. They willingly ignore the other 90% of imperfect guys who would accept them with open arms. Unfortunately by the time some women realize the fact that they will settle either way (whether it be for the adulterous cheater who was in the 10% of desirable men, or the undesirable loser), their looks have faded, and even the 90% of men who would have initially settled, wont likely want a used woman.
Older Women Aren't Used - They Have Serious Issues
Quote:
Originally Posted by solytaire
Unfortunately by the time some women realize the fact that they will settle either way (whether it be for the adulterous cheater who was in the 10% of desirable men, or the undesirable loser), their looks have faded, and even the 90% of men who would have initially settled, wont likely want a used woman.
"Used" is a rather loaded word. I mean how many people in their 30s and older, don't have any experience.
I'd focus on two things:
1) Would she have been interested in you 20 years earlier? Few of us physically improve with age and this is a worrysome factor. Did she finally come to the realization that inner values are what is really important or is this just a required move to make her life more bearable. (Remember, after several years of marriage, the courts will allow her to keep your assets to provide the latter to her)
2) Does she come across as cynical from her previous experiences with men. This can be very difficult for a man with honorable intentions to overcome and it is likely not worth the effort. Nice things you do will be interpreted by how the players from the past used the same things as a ruse to make amends for their bad deeds. You will always be suspect in her eyes.
I think this is something that some women often miss...which is that: for all of the complaining about pressures and pickiness of men, the reality is that 90% of men simply cant afford to be anywhere NEAR as picky as they want to be. Unless the woman had her legs sewn on backwards from birth, she is fair game. And many men wouldnt discount the woman with the deformed legs.
By these standards, men have been happily "settling" for centuries...the rub lies in the fact that women have an aversion to any sort of settling, so despite the fact that their options for romance are much wider, and thus they can be much more picky, their options for commitment and longterm relationships are much slimmer by their own doing...the vast majority of women CHOOSE to become slaves to the pressures and pickiness of the 10% of desirable men. They willingly ignore the other 90% of imperfect guys who would accept them with open arms. Unfortunately by the time some women realize the fact that they will settle either way (whether it be for the adulterous cheater who was in the 10% of desirable men, or the undesirable loser), their looks have faded, and even the 90% of men who would have initially settled, wont likely want a used woman.
I really don't think men are picky. I've had hundreds of friends over the years and I can't think of any that were picky about women by an exceptional standard. I think women get caught up in this belief that men care if their boobs are a little too big or their butt is a little flat or whatever and I don't think we really do care.
I think women are the ones that look at all these minute details, not men.
I don't think men are "settling" either, it's just what is important to us is different and fairly open in scope. Mostly we just want a woman that spreads her legs a lot to us and doesn't give us a lot of hassle and maybe provides some interesting company.
But yes the used aspect does come into play. If we are keen on children then no I'm not looking at 35 year old women plus. I'd consider one for an affair but nothing more. At least at this moment in my life. And if they do have tons of kids or have been the barfly **** or the town hobby horse I don't consider those women either.
And I still think you have to be competitive as possible in terms of making a good life for yourself, man or woman. I am not fit enough to be a triathlete, but every week I do about 10 hours of swimming, biking, cross country skiing or rafting. So no I don't expect or look for model fit perfection, but a 350 pound woman that the only exercise she gets is pushing the shopping trolley loading up on snacks, isn't going to be a woman for me.
So don't ask me to send flowers, gifts or be chivalrous in any way shape or form.
Please -- DON'T be chivalrous to me. I'd rather not have to deal with the presumption that I have to spread my legs in gratitude for basic courtesy, like not calling me a "b/tch". Ditto flowers and gifts. In my experience, women are expected to pay a much higher price for those things than the potential boyfriends who give them to us. Given the markup, I'll pass.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shortnblack
I can deal with rejection, that's a part of everday life. I'm protecting my "fragile" psychological state, which means I'm extremely careful who I send flowers or gifts to. As far as I'm concerned, women nowadays have to EARN my flowers or gifts, and it starts with a positive first impression. I'm getting better at weeding out the women who act like their sh^t doesn't stink, but every once in a while, I'll fall victim to a beautiful lady that gives me a purpose to seek her out and find out her truths. There are some good women in this world that appreciate the effort of time and thought that goes with sending flowers or gifts. At the same time, there are women with attitude who expect it, take it for granted and gauge the quality of the man by this behaviour alone.
Women don't OWE it to you to welcome your advances. You got that? You have to EARN love -- and it sure isn't done with plants and teddy bears. Not acting like an entitled creep is a good start.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shortnblack
I once asked a girl to dance at a club. She said, "no thank you," so I said, "don't thank me, thank God somebody asked you!"
What exactly did she do to merit this insult from you? This is the **** that women deal with every day. This is exactly what I was talking about when I mentioned entitled creeps.
I don't think men are "settling" either, it's just what is important to us is different and fairly open in scope. Mostly we just want a woman that spreads her legs a lot to us and doesn't give us a lot of hassle and maybe provides some interesting company.
Yep. My experience is that most men are uncomplicated creatures.
Therefore, I highly recommend the B & B method of relationship happiness: Keep the belly full and the balls empty.
"Used" is a rather loaded word. I mean how many people in their 30s and older, don't have any experience.
I'd focus on two things:
1) Would she have been interested in you 20 years earlier? Few of us physically improve with age and this is a worrysome factor. Did she finally come to the realization that inner values are what is really important or is this just a required move to make her life more bearable. (Remember, after several years of marriage, the courts will allow her to keep your assets to provide the latter to her)
2) Does she come across as cynical from her previous experiences with men. This can be very difficult for a man with honorable intentions to overcome and it is likely not worth the effort. Nice things you do will be interpreted by how the players from the past used the same things as a ruse to make amends for their bad deeds. You will always be suspect in her eyes.
Yes, used in the literal sense is loaded...but the fact is that if past relationships havent lead to a long term commitment, in my opinion, a person has become used. We will all be used, however some of us will be more used than others. Used in the sense that I stated it merely meant that she will have baggage after a certain number of relationships...The ups and downs of relationship woes do take a toll on both the mind and on one's looks...so my underlying point was that all of those factors will work against the favor of the woman who waits until later in life to find a kind, responsible, decent, but imperfect man.
I really don't think men are picky. I've had hundreds of friends over the years and I can't think of any that were picky about women by an exceptional standard. I think women get caught up in this belief that men care if their boobs are a little too big or their butt is a little flat or whatever and I don't think we really do care.
I think women are the ones that look at all these minute details, not men.
I don't think men are "settling" either, it's just what is important to us is different and fairly open in scope. Mostly we just want a woman that spreads her legs a lot to us and doesn't give us a lot of hassle and maybe provides some interesting company.
But yes the used aspect does come into play. If we are keen on children then no I'm not looking at 35 year old women plus. I'd consider one for an affair but nothing more. At least at this moment in my life. And if they do have tons of kids or have been the barfly **** or the town hobby horse I don't consider those women either.
And I still think you have to be competitive as possible in terms of making a good life for yourself, man or woman. I am not fit enough to be a triathlete, but every week I do about 10 hours of swimming, biking, cross country skiing or rafting. So no I don't expect or look for model fit perfection, but a 350 pound woman that the only exercise she gets is pushing the shopping trolley loading up on snacks, isn't going to be a woman for me.
I dont know any picky men either...Even the "desirable" men I know, or the ones who actually get laid by scores of women, arent picky about the women they sleep with...I have seen friends sleep with a woman who was close to 7'0 ft. I have seen them sleep with older women, fat women, ugly women....Their standards arent over the top at all.
However, since Im not a woman, I was trying to give women's perception that there is all this pressure and pickiness from men SOME acknowledgment as fact; despite the fact that it belies pretty much everything Ive personally seen from men.
Its actually astounding how forgiving men can be for women's imperfections...as Ive said before: men's preferences are just that - PREFERENCES...if you actually look at who they date or sleep with, their preferences quickly fly out of the window. What hamstrings women's pursuit of long term commitment is that women's preferences become requirements..
Yep. My experience is that most men are uncomplicated creatures.
Therefore, I highly recommend the B & B method of relationship happiness: Keep the belly full and the balls empty.
That's a great way of putting it. I don't think us men are overly complicated creatures. We like some food, some sex, a place to sleep and some fun.
Women that try to control that via games or other drama get dumped or have relationship problems.
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Older Women Aren't Used - They Have Serious Issues
