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I could see that. Making sure he is safe only about 90% of the time you will probably keep the phone calls in the single digits before his demise. An usual but effective way to keep down the phone chatter....
lol I'm reminded of a recent voicemail I got from him "why do you have a phone if you don't answer it?" These days, I'm all about skype. I IM'd him once on fb when he was in the other room lol. He didn't care for that.
I agree...Ive had the exact same thing happen to me...I pursue, they act disinterested, I say "Ok, she's not interested...cool..moving on"....THEN like two weeks later they call/email me asking why I havent contacted them in a long time...I tell them "because you told me not to, or that you werent interested." (actually, she hung up on me for acting too immature...lol..so I never called back) --- then they act like Ive done something wrong for not contacting them...
It was all too much work for me....between my job and school at the time, I had enough things to slave away at than to play cat and mouse with her ego and chip away at her wall of ice that she had up...
Oh well, I guess Im just not persistent/perservering enough..but at least I succeeded at the other things that mattered to me.
That's why I believe you have to be skilled in reading all communication not just what they say. That'll help avoid making bad picks to begin with.
For me I look for real interest and some enthusiasm. If I don't get that then I don't bother.
People say you have to be persistent and persevere but how long do you hang in there for?
I remember a gal years ago who I developed a good rapport with and we spent a bit of time with one another. I had asked her out a few times and it never really came off and finally the last time, I was plain stood up. Apparently she had run off with another guy that evening, so for me that was that. Ok fine, I got the message and moved on. Long forgot about her. Month later I was dating another gal and she was talking up to everyone how much fun it was to go out with me. The original girl came back at me full throttle why I didn't take her out and blah blah.
Tell me who is psycho?
I guess I was supposed to put my whole life on hold while she had a sexually affair with some other guy and then at some random point in the future when she tired of him I was supposed to be ready and waiting to take her out. Silly me. What was I thinking.
This is specifically why I haven't asked any women out in a long time:
A) I am afraid of being rejected. I have heard "no" so much that I don't want to hear it anymore. I did ask a few girls out when I was in high school. They all gave me the same answer: NO. After a while I stopped and got used to being single. I tried to pursue getting a girlfriend in college, but that went down the drain. Most of the time, I tried online dating. It never worked for me. I just stopped trying after a while. Do I still want a girlfriend? Yes. Maybe more women need to hear. Contrary to what some people think, there are many men out there who are kind of fragile emotionally and for that reason, do not take risks. Most men don't admit this, but the fact remains.
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My reasons I don't pursue women (an early 40s guy)
*Committed Childfree, decision made in my late 20s - that X's off 90% of the world's women from my list right there. Related to this...
*I see no reason to even do so much as evenflirt unless I plan to have kids - much less any of the subsequent steps whose nature-intended outcome is children. It's not fair to lead the woman down a path that I have no intention of seeing to its final end. Her time's better spent opening herself up to other men.
*I found other ways to be happy without women in my life -- My hobbies, reading, surfing the internet, going out to eat. Therefore, women don't add anything to my life that I don't already have (at least where relationships of any sort are concerned). Related to that..
*I like my peace, quiet, and freedom more than anything else -- It's hard to enjoy that even when you're in a non-marriage relationship of any sort, much less when helping to raise children. Besides, I've seen too many married men I know deal with wives who give them grief, drama, guilt-tripping, nitpickiness, bossiness, and all around b.s. Life is so much more free and relaxed without anything even marginally romantic in it. Lowers the worry factor so you can concentrate on what you truly need or want to do with your non-work time.
*Sex itself lost its appeal to me -- I'm not impotent, mind you. My equipment still works. It's just that it takes a lot longer for me to be aroused (and hence motivated to pursue women) than was the case in my mid 20s. I think you'll find that MANY, if not most, men around 40 years old feel that way. Perhaps it's because of all the factors mentioned above.
Last edited by Phil75230; 02-25-2010 at 10:04 AM..
This is specifically why I haven't asked any women out in a long time:
A) I am afraid of being rejected. I have heard "no" so much that I don't want to hear it anymore. I did ask a few girls out when I was in high school. They all gave me the same answer: NO. After a while I stopped and got used to being single. I tried to pursue getting a girlfriend in college, but that went down the drain. Most of the time, I tried online dating. It never worked for me. I just stopped trying after a while. Do I still want a girlfriend? Yes. Maybe more women need to hear. Contrary to what some people think, there are many men out there who are kind of fragile emotionally and for that reason, do not take risks. Most men don't admit this, but the fact remains.
Im in the same boat..People expect Men to be robots and have no feelings well were human and when you constnatly are rejected or invisible to women it hurts and drains you to the point you just dotn want to try..
Im in the same boat..People expect Men to be robots and have no feelings well were human and when you constnatly are rejected or invisible to women it hurts and drains you to the point you just dotn want to try..
At least you understand. It is hard for alot of people to understand. I feel like I am expected to "man up" in many ways, to have that macho attitude. I am human and I do feel hurt when I get rejected. I am who I am. For myself personally, I was the type of kid who had alot of crushes, but rarely pursued them. It bites in many ways. It would be nice to have a girlfriend.
This is specifically why I haven't asked any women out in a long time:
A) I am afraid of being rejected. I have heard "no" so much that I don't want to hear it anymore. I did ask a few girls out when I was in high school. They all gave me the same answer: NO. After a while I stopped and got used to being single. I tried to pursue getting a girlfriend in college, but that went down the drain. Most of the time, I tried online dating. It never worked for me. I just stopped trying after a while. Do I still want a girlfriend? Yes. Maybe more women need to hear. Contrary to what some people think, there are many men out there who are kind of fragile emotionally and for that reason, do not take risks. Most men don't admit this, but the fact remains.
This is going to sound cold, so brace yourself:
So, instead of assessing yourself objectively and trying to ascertain what it is about you or what you could be doing wrong that prompts the vast majority of women you've asked out to reject you, you just give up all together and lay the blame on them, eh?
The answer may be staring you right in the face, because I see it in your post, right there in red. If you're fragile emotionally, you shouldn't be in a relationship, because relationships involve other humans. Humans, being faulty creatures, will at some point hurt or disappoint you, even if they don't mean to or they are unaware of it. If you're emotionally healthy, you'll be able to work through it with them. If you're emotionally fragile, well, it's going to affect you all out of proportion and crush you.
So, if you're fragile, methinks you need to work on creating a life for yourself first, one that will help you realize your own positive traits. From there, it's all a matter of confidence. When you know you're worth it, so will the women you ask out.
But fear? We can smell it. Once you hit a certain age, it's no longer "cute" or "endearing" and instead it's "red flag, run."
So, instead of assessing yourself objectively and trying to ascertain what it is about you or what you could be doing wrong that prompts the vast majority of women you've asked out to reject you, you just give up all together and lay the blame on them, eh?
The answer may be staring you right in the face, because I see it in your post, right there in red. If you're fragile emotionally, you shouldn't be in a relationship, because relationships involve other humans. Humans, being faulty creatures, will at some point hurt or disappoint you, even if they don't mean to or they are unaware of it. If you're emotionally healthy, you'll be able to work through it with them. If you're emotionally fragile, well, it's going to affect you all out of proportion and crush you.
So, if you're fragile, methinks you need to work on creating a life for yourself first, one that will help you realize your own positive traits. From there, it's all a matter of confidence. When you know you're worth it, so will the women you ask out.
But fear? We can smell it. Once you hit a certain age, it's no longer "cute" or "endearing" and instead it's "red flag, run."
Just being honest. Good luck to you.
One consistent issue I see with folks is they don't have their own house in order first but yet are looking for a partner to "fill in" those places they are lacking. My belief is that will never happen until they fix it themselves.
And it goes back to my belief that the mind is all powerful. Sure there are things out there in the world that attack us, anything from random idiots to viruses, but a lot of it we control in our own minds. If we constantly tell ourselves we are fragile, we will in fact be fragile. We have to confront our fears and tell ourselves what we are. Thinking the right way and doing the right things will have us being that confident person.
All the people I have known with mental illness created that situation in their mind over a period of time. If you tell your mind something consistently over 30 years or whatever eventually your brains structure will work that way.
And I agree others can read you as well. If you project an image of being fragile mentally, you wont have to tell anyone, they can see it.
Why don't men pursue women anymore? Because getting into the shower whews them every time. As well as bending over and wearing sweatpants?LMAO.............
At least you understand. It is hard for alot of people to understand. I feel like I am expected to "man up" in many ways, to have that macho attitude. I am human and I do feel hurt when I get rejected. I am who I am. For myself personally, I was the type of kid who had alot of crushes, but rarely pursued them. It bites in many ways. It would be nice to have a girlfriend.
society demands that men be the one's who stoically incur all of the emotional damage from advances and subsequent rejection while bouncing back and begging for more abuse...The reality is that societ wants men like you to be impenetrable because it realizes and has accepted that most women themselves are emotionally fragile and insecure...you'll find that women typically need lots of compliments or male attention to keep their self esteem buoyant...well, you cant focus on propping up their self esteem if your own is in the crapper...yet society knows that someone has to put their emotions in jeopardy, and it has accepted that generally the fragile emotions and insecurities of women wont allow them to even take ONE rejection, let alone several....so you as a man are encouraged to sacrifice your emotional and mental wellbeing for the advancement of the human species...lest relationships wont be initiated at all..this is why you feel insufficient -- because you have been taught that it is ok to accept women's weakness, and in many cases you've probably even been taught that it would be noble for you to uplift their self esteem by whispering sweet nothings and tiddlywinks to them, all while allowing your own emotions and psyche to be jackhammered by rejection and disapproval.
Your feelings are deemed irrelevant because you are dispensible in this society of equality, and therefore as a male your only value lies in your ability to absorb punishment, and it is this by which you will be gauged. It takes a lot to override the indoctrination that society imposes on its young men...but if you do so you will find that you can make decisions that are MUCH better for your own well being in the long run...and let society deal with the fact that it doesnt fit in their little dichonomous box of man/woman roles...I actually applaud you for taking control over your own emotions by avoiding the situations that will damage them.
I dont blame you for having your boundaries...I too have decided to take a furlough from actively pursuing women, at least for a couple of years. Time to give the old mind games a rest, and regroup. Im no glutton for punishment.
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