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But that is exactly the point. What are OTHER people THINKING and REACTING to relative to your own behavior and attitude and feeling? It is not what YOU THINK YOU ARE, but rather what impression you are giving to other people and their perception of you based on things like attitude and body language that makes you desirable and approacable or seem confident or whimpish. People are just trying to answer your question and help you out, but if you aren't even going to consider the possibilties of what a MAJORITY of the people posting are relaying to you, then you have just wasted your own time and energy as well as theirs.
Ok. Explain to me WHY I have a horrible personality and explain to me what I need to do to change that?
Why is it always the man who has to take the initiative? The man is usually the one who has to ask the girl out and initiate every contact when dating. Why don't girls ever ask guy's out? Why don't girls ever initiate contact?
There are some women who do that, and perhaps you just haven't come across them.
As for women in general wanting men to take the initiative...
Call it nature, nurture, culture, genes, whatever. And despite liberalism, feminism, equal rights, etc., women, at the end of the day, prefer a man who has GUTS. COURAGE. A SPINE. THE TESTICLES TO ACT.
This does not mean she wants a burly, surly, insensitive, unemotional grunt.
It does however mean that she will most probably pick a man who is confident, unafraid, and bold; a man who believes in himself and who is willing to take a chance over a man who is shy, timid, and worse yet, whose lack of self-confidence can be detected a state border away.
This doesn't mean women prefer arrogance, cockiness, rashness, or impulsive conduct. It means women prefer men who have that confidence and willingness to make a move, even if they will get rejected. There's something simply sexy and attractive about a man who possesses such self-confidence and courage.
I'll even go as far to say that some women treat their men like crap because the men take it and they don't stand up for themselves. So the women continue the trashy treatment not only because they're mean but because inside their minds, in their own twisted logic, they are saying, "you freaking wimp! I'm a WOMAN! I'm treating you like garbage and you don't even have the spine to defend yourself, to stand up for yourself? How the F do you expect me to respect you?"
Of course, women will never admit this to a man's face - although they'll readily concede they find confidence and boldness attractive.
Ok. Explain to me WHY I have a horrible personality and explain to me what I need to do to change that?
I'm certain you will receive a response from this poster.
I just wanted to say that there are others of us who are less intense.
Perhaps you were frustrated when you made the post and needed to vent--that is just fine with me and I've noticed several other posters who said the same.
My only suggestion for you would be similar to the response several posts before this one. ETA: Read post #55.
Try to think of something you've always wanted to do and take a course. Several universities in Atlanta offer a variety of recreational courses in the evenings---cooking, foreign language, photography, bridge--that sort of thing. There was once a 'Dining Out' course that visited ethnic restaurants. Get involved in a sport. The Sierra Club offers numerous out door opportunities.
Well first of all I don't date. I'm very shy and introverted and I'm also quite short, and most women want big strong arrogant alpha males and I'm like the complete opposite of that.
FoxMulder999 meet Betamanlet! Betamanlet meet FoxMulder999! You 2 should get along just fine!!
I'm certain you will receive a response from this poster.
I just wanted to say that there are others of us who are less intense.
Perhaps you were frustrated when you made the post and needed to vent--that is just fine with me and I've noticed several other posters who said the same.
My only suggestion for you would be similar to the response several posts before this one. ETA: Read post #55.
Try to think of something you've always wanted to do and take a course. Several universities in Atlanta offer a variety of recreational courses in the evenings---cooking, foreign language, photography, bridge--that sort of thing. There was once a 'Dining Out' course that visited ethnic restaurants. Get involved in a sport. The Sierra Club offers numerous out door opportunities.
good luck.
Well I can explain why I made this thread. A few weeks ago I read a thread on another realtionship type forum where they basicly said that women should never make the first move because men find it a turn off and that women should always find a man who loves them more and so on. Well I basicly I guess just assumed that most women think the same so I decided to make these types of threads on this and several other forums. And well I guess I was proven wrong.
Thursday007 seems to think this matter is some lifelong obsession of mine that will forever ruin the chances of finding a girl when in reality a few weeks ago I couldn't care less.
But why is it always the man who has to show it then? Why can't she show any intrest in a guy? I mean personally if I dated a girl and she never showed any intrest or took any initiatives I would stop dating her... I really don't get why women have such a superiority complex over guys, it's always the guy who has to earn their love, who has to pursue the women and stuff like that. It's like women think that they never have to show any intrest or love(if in a realtionship) and should only recieve love and attention without giving anything back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
"Women never" ... "women only" ... "why do they always" ... despite being told again and again that you're wrong.
Boring!
I'm sitting here thinking the same thing. Fox, you are either unobservant or misinformed if you believe women never take the initiative in asking men out or in pursuing their ... um ... "special interests" with their men. Plenty of women do the asking, and plenty of women are assertive and take the initiative with their men in regard to sex preferences, among other things.
Well I can explain why I made this thread. A few weeks ago I read a thread on another realtionship type forum where they basicly said that women should never make the first move because men find it a turn off and that women should always find a man who loves them more and so on. Well I basicly I guess just assumed that most women think the same so I decided to make these types of threads on this and several other forums. And well I guess I was proven wrong.
Thursday007 seems to think this matter is some lifelong obsession of mine that will forever ruin the chances of finding a girl when in reality a few weeks ago I couldn't care less.
Okay, genius, maybe if you worded your first post that way it could have avoided a lot of confusion. My only issue with you is that you constantly state uniformed thought as fact. ....see Julia's comment above. The other aspect is you did not make this thread and your post as an observer, YOU made it personal by interjecting how women would recject you based on XYZ flaws. So, don't go whiney on everyone and me about that. You brought that on yourself.
Well I can explain why I made this thread. A few weeks ago I read a thread on another realtionship type forum where they basicly said that women should never make the first move because men find it a turn off and that women should always find a man who loves them more and so on. Well I basicly I guess just assumed that most women think the same so I decided to make these types of threads on this and several other forums. And well I guess I was proven wrong.
There are some best-selling books and probably seminars conducted by the authors of these books that profess to "Know Best" about relationships.
I suppose people are buying them and reading them but surely there are those who think for themselves.
If you have a common interest with someone I think things get off to a better start. Interests like hiking, bicycling and tennis are popular in the south. Volunteer work is also a way to meet people who are more down to earth. jmo.
Ok. Explain to me WHY I have a horrible personality and explain to me what I need to do to change that?
I did already -
whiney, woe-is-me, lack of self-esteem, absolutism (always, never), no sense of humor, assumptions rather than query, statements of facts based on faulty observations, blaming.
Plus you're short - and we all know all women are taller than you and never date shorter men and always want a muscle-man with blonde hair and blue eyes (unless he's Brad Pitt the cheater).
How about learning to like yourself for a start. When you are comfortable with who you are and like yourself, you will find that friends and women gravitate towards you. It matters not whether you are handsome, have a scar where your mouth was slit open, can dance like Fred Astaire, crack jokes like some comedian, or sing like Mario; when you like yourself, others will also.
Okay, genius, maybe if you worded your first post that way it could have avoided a lot of confusion. My only issue with you is that you constantly state uniformed thought as fact. ....see Julia's comment above. The other aspect is you did not make this thread and your post as an observer, YOU made it personal by interjecting how women would recject you based on XYZ flaws. So, don't go whiney on everyone and me about that. You brought that on yourself.
I said I was shy, introverted and short and that might be the cause for women not initiating with me, you somehow seemed to translate that to me having a horrible personality and feeling sorry for myself which is strange considering you have never met me so its impssoible for you to say that. I am working on becoming more out going and if women are going to reject me for my short height then so be it, I'll move on to someone who doesn't care about height.
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