Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That is because she asked for advice not to be turned in to the mods ... but I do agree having the gun is a big mistake.
Having a gun would only be a mistake IF she has no experience with guns, gun safety and target shooting - we don't know that she does or doesn't.
"Turning her into the mods" was not to cause her trouble here, but to potentially help her. Anytime someone comes on an online forum and indicates they are in fear of their lives, are feeling suicidal etc... it's a good idea to let the mods know so they can monitor the situation and contact authorities in that persons area if necessary. This has actually saved lives.
Having a gun would only be a mistake IF she has no experience with guns, gun safety and target shooting - we don't know that she does or doesn't.
"Turning her into the mods" was not to cause her trouble here, but to potentially help her. Anytime someone comes on an online forum and indicates they are in fear of their lives, are feeling suicidal etc... it's a good idea to let the mods know so they can monitor the situation and contact authorities in that persons area if necessary. This has actually saved lives.
ok, I'm not going to accept the gun. You are correct, this would be a mistake.
I believe I have gotten wonderful advice from everyone..even some of more rather hateful ones. My "bf" terrifies me. Is that enough for some of you? Yes I am going to need my "white knights" as I know he won't cause any trouble if they are there. He is a big man when he is with me but not when other men are around. I do believe this will solve the problem.
It is very hard to describe what makes me so afraid of him. To some of you, you do not believe I should be afraid of simple words from him. Believe me, I wish it was only that. How about the facial expressions that if he could kill me then and there he would? Standing over me berating me for daring to talk back to him? Body language? Threats? Isn't that enough?
I will update later after this is all over but for now am bowing out of this discussion. Some of the posts have sickened me. I can do no right in his eyes nor some of your's. Thanks again.
ok, I'm not going to accept the gun. You are correct, this would be a mistake.
I believe I have gotten wonderful advice from everyone..even some of more rather hateful ones. My "bf" terrifies me. Is that enough for some of you? Yes I am going to need my "white knights" as I know he won't cause any trouble if they are there. He is a big man when he is with me but not when other men are around. I do believe this will solve the problem.
It is very hard to describe what makes me so afraid of him. To some of you, you do not believe I should be afraid of simple words from him. Believe me, I wish it was only that. How about the facial expressions that if he could kill me then and there he would? Standing over me berating me for daring to talk back to him? Body language? Threats? Isn't that enough?
I will update later after this is all over but for now am bowing out of this discussion. Some of the posts have sickened me. I can do no right in his eyes nor some of your's. Thanks again.
Good decision on the gun if you aren't an experienced gun user.
This guy is a typical bully, as evidenced by the fact he is only a "big man" when you are alone and not when other men are around.
I completely understand, and am very sympathetic to the fact that he has terrorized you. He's actually a menacing bully and you are smart to fear what he would do if you were alone with him when you asked him to leave. Glad you made the calls you did to "round up the troops" for support. I will be waiting to hear back from you that all went smoothly. Hang in there!
Call the police...but you better be ready to sign some paperwork restricting his access. Don't feel bad about this and change your mind a week later when he crawls back saying he will change.
I think Redisca gave very good advice. I also think that one of your witnesses (friends) should be one who can go armed (and if it's a gun, has license to carry!). I know that a lot of people don't like to hear that but this boyfriend is at a place where he NEEDS to be taken ve-r-y seriously. He is dangerous, and you need someone at your side who is not afraid of him.
You can also make an appointment with some in Police Administration to seek advice.
Your honesty and strengths are wonderful and important. Most people who dismiss your feelings have typically been in an abusive relationship.
It is heartening for me to hear you represent your feelings and your stance so well. Keep it up. You are clearly on the right track. If you at any time feel that you are at risk, a friends house for the 1st week is a good idea. Typically if he comes back he will break in or leave a nasty note.
If you are not there, you are safe. You are making steps in the right direction and I for one am very happy you are. Try to ignore the posters who sanction abuse. They do so for their own reasons.
You have the options and the control. Keep it that way.
He hasn't done anything yet, but it can always escalate and it often does. He doesn't have to be a criminal or wait until he actually beats her in order for her to want to be free of him. I don't think the gun was given to her to get him out, but to protect herself if he gets physical or decides to break in afterwards. He has already bragged about retalliating in the past.
This is typical feminist all women are victims garbage. Fact of the matter is she's afraid of conflict, confrontation, not the guy himself. This is why you have a friend or two that you trust come over when it's time to give him the boot (assuming) there's animosity. Otherwise you behave like all the other normal people who break up with an SO and sit them down and tell them it's over and that you should see other people and that you'd like him to move out by xyz date.
Since we're indulging in fantasy, how about this as an example of how things could go:
She tells him it's over, to leave, he says no, they get into an argument and shouting match. She pulls the gun because she's scared and he calls the police. He's told to leave, but she's arrested for weapons violation (not the licensed owner) and goes to jail, as the friend that loaned her the gun is heavily fined. Suppose she squeezes off a few rounds to scare him away. Now she's in jail for inadvertently killing the 5 year old 2 doors down.
Last edited by Nutz76; 05-24-2010 at 12:10 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
