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thanks for the ideas..I just know I'm going to blindside him with this as I've been too afraid to speak my mind during this whole "relationship". I am 40 and he is 36. I do have my ex-husband, we parted on good terms and still speak daily, who could come over..he is the big burly biker type...he's come over to visit in the past and bf hates him because we used to be married. Even though there is zero there and ex has a WIFE for god's sake.
Here is an example of just today for instance. He got up at noon in a foul mood. He immediately fires up his computer and jumps on WOW. Says hon will you bring me some coffee, I'm doing an "instance" that I can leave..so I do. After a bit he asks for the remote and puts it on one of those animal documentaries where they show poaching and killing of big cats. He KNOWS this stuff upsets me and I will cry. So I ask him as nice as I can if we can watch something else, that I can't stand or handle watching an animal be murdered. He says "F*** it, watch whatever the f*** you want, I ain't in the mood for dealing with your sh** today. I immediately feel tears rushing up and damn it makes me mad. I just sit there in shock..thinking how on earth can this man be this hateful to me? What did I do to deserve this treatment? About 15 min later he ask me what the hell is wrong with me as I'm now minding my own business and using my laptop, trying to avoid the images and sounds on the TV. I said the usual "Nothing, I'm fine, just surfing". I am so pathetic. He says no way, I see you're pissed now tell me why NOW. Ummmm no..I'm too afraid to tell him why. So he gets up and says he's going to AA, going to go to two or three meetings today. So thank god he leaves..and now I sit thinking and sobbing that I have to get this jerk OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW! I am so angry at myself for being used like this.
I personally agree with what has been said, get a TRO, if you can get the police to help out, friends whoever that can back you up. I would go one step further and get his stuff packed up and have it outside the house so he doesn't have to go back in. Seems like it would be easier.
You don't want to have to go through waiting for him to pack his stuff, hoping he doesn't take or break anything of yours.
My heart goes out to you. Try to visualize the peace you will have once this is over, focus on that. You have a right to peace in your life. This man has NO RIGHT to treat you the way he does.
Thanks, that's just what I needed to hear. Never judge people. Someday you may understand and if you don't have the compassion to do so, so be it. I appreciated your advice. But my fear is larger than I can handle right now.
I am not unsympathetic to the bad situation you are in.
I AM unsympathetic towards people who will not help themselves. We are each responsbile for our own lives - and you only get one of them.
Quit waiting for someone else to tell you what to do, or come and rescue you, and rescue yourself. I have told you how, now do it. Pick up the phone and call the battered women's shelter, they'll help you get started on the process.
No, men tend to show the game playing after they have moved into a house that they show no responsiblity in and think because it is not in thier name they do not have to.
Yeah really, like these losers let you know they're losers when they meet you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu
So why not throw out YOUR old computer? Don't keep any computers at home, so he has nothing to play games on. And turn off your house internet and cable connections while you're at it until he leaves. Make your house as boring as possible for him to be in. Basically, you are enabling him to take advantage of you.
While she may be enabling him, the reality is that it could turn violent. Based on what she has shared, there is plenty of reason for her to be afraid. So it would not be wise for her to go ahead and **** him off by taking his fun away. Add to that it's bad enough she has no quality of life now, why should she dump HER property and shut off HER cable and internet, on top of being uncomfortable in her own home?
Quote:
Originally Posted by AADAD
It occurs to me that the OP is enmeshed with this man and is avoiding the decisions that should in most situations like this be made. This is a potentially legal situation in an on line chat forum and for that reason I have alerted the moderators. I hope that they will intervene in the OP's situation and notify the authorities. In some states, that is a legal requirement.
Which states and in what situations exactly? Stepping in could cause her more trouble than you think.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepgirl27
You keep making excuses for him not to leave and for you not to call the police?
Are you freakn serious the police would be afraid of him?
He would be angry if the police were here?
Are you hearing yourself..
I cant believe you...
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepgirl27
Yea I read all your post
and you need to stop making excuses and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You cant be asking for advice if you have no intentions of listening and taking the advice thats given to you.
Your wearing a lot of our patience thin..
Contact these people, The Rose Brooks Center tomorrow while you're at work. Or call their crisis line at 816-861-6100 as soon as you have some time alone. Talk to them. Let them tell you what your legal options are... getting that kind of advice on an anonymous message forum is a bad idea. You cannot just trust that you don't have to legally evict him, or that you DO qualify for a TRO in your county, or anything else... you need to speak with someone who can give you reliable, factual information based on the laws in your area.
That's what organizations like the Rose Brooks Center are for. They can tell you how to go about this legally, they can also give you some idea of how to do it SAFELY based on decades of combined experience dealing with these very same situations daily. They can help you decide "how" to approach him in the manner least likely to end with you (or your property) damaged.
None of this is information you can get from a message board.
Call them. Talk to them. They can help you... not just legally, not just with your safety, but with working up the courage to do what you know you NEED to do. They exist for that purpose. They exist to help women exactly like you. Use them. They want to hear from you, I promise.
I hope that you are right chocolate for your sake cuz if something happens to this girl and you advised her not to accept help it will be YOU hearing from the authorities in my opinion.
And an fyi to your arrogance mandated reporters exist in all states of the Nation. They are required to alert authorities when there is a reasonable suspicion of abuse and this situation clearly fits those definitions. Ready to join the real world?
Yea I read all your post
and you need to stop making excuses and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You cant be asking for advice if you have no intentions of listening and taking the advice thats given to you. Your wearing a lot of our patience thin..
I'm sure you have the posters best interest in mind but IS a sensitive topic that requires our patience.
I hope that you are right chocolate for your sake cuz if something happens to this girl and you advised her not to accept help it will be YOU hearing from the authorities in my opinion.
And an fyi to your arrogance mandated reporters exist in all states of the Nation. They are required to alert authorities when there is a reasonable suspicion of abuse and this situation clearly fits those definitions. Ready to join the real world?
Mandated reporters are almost exclusively people in the law enforcement field, medical field, people in child/elder care professions, immediate family (sometimes), etc. Not John Q. Public, and not moderators on a discussion group.
Laws mandating reporting generally relate to child/elder abuse, or to observable physical evidence of domestic violence (bruises, knife/gun wounds, fractures, etc.) by health care professionals.
They do not relate to what the original poster has stated here, and they do not relate to an adult posting about their situation on an online discussion forum.
If you're going to suggest that someone else educate themselves and "join the real world," it's generally a good idea to have done so yourself, first.
Here (http://www.ndaa.org/pdf/dv_summary.pdf - broken link) is specific information about WHO is required to report WHAT in relation to suspected domestic violence in all 50 states.
Incidentally, for the OP, here is a brochure created by the state of Missouri about domestic violence assistance, including how to get a TRO, who is eligible, where to find shelters, etc. Lots of good info.
Doesn't matter. If that's his primary residence she has to legally evict him and there's a process for it. Google "how to evict a roommate" for more info. Here's one such example:
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No, men tend to show the game playing after they have moved into a house that they show no responsiblity in and think because it is not in thier name they do not have to.
