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Old 05-23-2010, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Maryland
2,652 posts, read 4,799,980 times
Reputation: 2331

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Call the police. Ask them what your rights are in this situation. He may have set up residency -- he's been there for a while. The police may say, he lives there. Have them to escort him out.

In my state -- the police said, I had to give the person 30 days. It's an unlawful eviction. After 30days, they helped me.

Good Luck!!
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Old 05-23-2010, 03:29 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 16,553,005 times
Reputation: 9175
Quote:
Originally Posted by Childfree35 View Post
Call the police. Ask them what your rights are in this situation. He may have set up residency -- he's been there for a while. The police may say, he lives there. Have them to escort him out.

In my state -- the police said, I had to give the person 30 days. It's an unlawful eviction. After 30days, they helped me.

Good Luck!!
If he were a reasonable person, that would work fine. But I imagine the next 30 days would be hell for the OP after telling him he has to move. He actually feels entitled to be and do all he is being and doing. If she can find a way to establish that he is a threat to her, she can have him removed immediately.
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Old 05-23-2010, 03:58 PM
 
4,098 posts, read 7,109,872 times
Reputation: 5682
I've read your plea for help, and I have already sent you a direct message with the following advice: Call a lock smith and have the keys to all of your doors changed. Do that first, do it while the boy friend is away if possible. Then call the police, or visit them and make sure they are aware of the situation. Call a couple friends, not just one person, and have them come over when the bf gets the news that he is moving. He will come back, but he will have to break into to get into your home, and the police can haul him off for that. Do not sleep in your bedroom for awhile, In fact, I would get a small dog and change bedrooms. I've worked these kind of cases as a member of my states, State Police Department, while working as a Trooper. You can get hurt or killed dealing with a situation like this, so be careful and do everything right. It would be a good idea to program into your cell phone the phone number of people you can call for help and make sure you may need them at a moments notice. Do you know your next door neighbor? You do need someone who lives close by that you can rely on. From now on, you need to be on your toes at all times. When you walk out of a store at night, pay attention to what is going on around you and don't do anything on your way to your car except look around for trouble in all directions. He may wait a month, he mat wait 6 months, but most vindictive people will get even when they think they have been wronged. Don't take any foolish chances, don't trust anything he says.
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Old 05-23-2010, 04:11 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,770 posts, read 40,188,037 times
Reputation: 18106
I think that it's best to treat this boyfriend as a guest who has outstayed his welcome. First, use the ex and his biker buddies to get him out of her house. Then document any threats and get that restraining order.

I'm guessing that this boyfriend doesn't have any of the utility bills in his name. So I feel to go to the police or use the legal route first to remove him is complicating matters by officially recognizing him as a tenant to be removed. If that happens, it could take time to get him out of the house as tenants needs to be given 30 days written notice, and even with that, he could use legal loopholes in order to stay longer. So the O.P. should just treat him like a guest with no residency standings.

I think that this guy will be fine dumped out with the trash. He'll just fine another acquaintance to take advantage of and use until he wears out his welcome elsewhere.

So again, no police and just have the ex and his buddies firmly escort him out of her house. Hopefully, they will witness some verbal threats to make getting that restraining order even easier.
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Old 05-23-2010, 04:12 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,012 posts, read 29,734,289 times
Reputation: 11309
Just out of curiosity, are women of these times so desperate that they even try falling in love with losers who play 12 hours of games??
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Old 05-23-2010, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Small Town USA Population about 15,000
442 posts, read 966,050 times
Reputation: 205
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
Just out of curiosity, are women of these times so desperate that they even try falling in love with losers who play 12 hours of games??
No, men tend to show the game playing after they have moved into a house that they show no responsiblity in and think because it is not in thier name they do not have to.
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Old 05-23-2010, 04:19 PM
 
1,561 posts, read 2,205,967 times
Reputation: 2132
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nite Ryder View Post
I've read your plea for help, and I have already sent you a direct message with the following advice: Call a lock smith and have the keys to all of your doors changed. Do that first, do it while the boy friend is away if possible. Then call the police, or visit them and make sure they are aware of the situation. Call a couple friends, not just one person, and have them come over when the bf gets the news that he is moving. He will come back, but he will have to break into to get into your home, and the police can haul him off for that. Do not sleep in your bedroom for awhile, In fact, I would get a small dog and change bedrooms. I've worked these kind of cases as a member of my states, State Police Department, while working as a Trooper. You can get hurt or killed dealing with a situation like this, so be careful and do everything right. It would be a good idea to program into your cell phone the phone number of people you can call for help and make sure you may need them at a moments notice. Do you know your next door neighbor? You do need someone who lives close by that you can rely on. From now on, you need to be on your toes at all times. When you walk out of a store at night, pay attention to what is going on around you and don't do anything on your way to your car except look around for trouble in all directions. He may wait a month, he mat wait 6 months, but most vindictive people will get even when they think they have been wronged. Don't take any foolish chances, don't trust anything he says.
My sympathies for your situation. Dealing with the aftermath of getting him to leave may be a problem. Be aware he has worked on you to make you fearful to have power over you and to prevent him being tossed out. Caution is good, fear is not. Fear gives the person creating it power over the person afraid. Be the stronger person that will not take anything without giving forth retribution for acts against you. Be a junkyard dog.

Most of all do not give up. I wish you nothing but success.
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Old 05-23-2010, 04:27 PM
 
Location: Kansas City Metro
203 posts, read 511,870 times
Reputation: 684
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
Just out of curiosity, are women of these times so desperate that they even try falling in love with losers who play 12 hours of games??
Thanks. He didn't play this game in the beginning. He started using an old computer of mine while I was at work because he said he was bored.
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Old 05-23-2010, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,012 posts, read 29,734,289 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adoptstrays View Post
Thanks. He didn't play this game in the beginning. He started using an old computer of mine while I was at work because he said he was bored.
Don't want to sound harsh, but no matter how much women have advanced in today's society, they still cannot support a freeloader boyfriend or fiance. Even if the woman makes 10 times more money, she cannot support a freeloader emotionally, becoz I bet women love to be the girlfriends/wives of achievers and not the underdogs.

You might wanna take this as a lesson and never let your future man manipulate you and exploit you.
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Old 05-23-2010, 04:39 PM
 
Location: Kansas City Metro
203 posts, read 511,870 times
Reputation: 684
Thanks to everyone with the advice.
He came home and of course made as much noise as he could while I was sleeping, to wake me up. I got up and made some coffee. He said he was only home for a bit then was heading out to hit two more meetings. I asked him if something was wrong and he said no, just that he felt deprived of going to his meetings as he hasn't been for a few days. He's normally a one a day and has quite the AA group of friends.
I asked him if what he wanted to do for dinner then and he said nothing, that he hadn't eaten and wasn't hungry. I said I hadn't eaten either. No comment from him, he simply doesn't care. So he said do you want some cash? I said no I have my debit card. Then he went off again.."my money isn't good enough for you? I said "what a bizarre statement, it has nothing to do with that, I have my card!" There is something wrong in this man's mind.
I called my ex after he left and ex is having personal problems of his own and can't come over. I am thinking of texting bf that I want a break from him and to go to his mother's house. But I KNOW he will turn around and come back here and want to "talk" about it. I called the police non-emergency line and explained it to them and they said they can't come out as this is a civil matter and unless something actually happens to me they can't do anything. By the way, I live in Kansas City, Missouri, population 700,000 or so. The police here are too busy chasing the murderers and gang related shootings to mess with something like me.
I do not have any family which makes me feel even more isolated, which is why I got on my computer to ask perfect strangers for help.
I think what I'm going to try is when he gets home (no he doesn't pay any rent and no there is no weird backward common law marriage in this state) is word it as delicately as I can that I need a break from him..make it sound temporary..that I'm needing some time to myself and not place any blame on him. He gets extremely defensive in the past if I've said or implied he is the one with the problem in ANY area, be it cooking or cleaning the cat box. I will have my cell phone in my pocket just in case. Of course it's easy to type this out here but doing it is another matter. God give me the courage!!!
For those of you that think I'm a pathetic loser for being with this guy just pass on commenting as I can't take much more. For those that truly care THANK YOU.
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