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I cant believe you defended yourself instead of turning the tides into an all out offensive. If my girlfriend snoops you better be damn sure she is going to get the blame
She has no right to snoop in any of your stuff. If she does this kind of thing when you are just dating, think what she would be like to be married to.. Good thing you founs out about some of her idea's before you got more involved. There are too many really nice women out there to put up with one that goes behind your back and snoops into things that shouldn't concern her. You are lucky to be rid of her. Somehow, I doubt you feel the same way I do. I've had a relationship with a snoop, it's not fun to have to explain everything you do. When you get older and look back on this and know which choice you should have made, it won't be the one to continue on with her.
One problem--especially with video--is there is no "time" in it. If you watch a video--say years later--it still looks exactly the same and anything that's emotionally coded is interpreted as being now. One part of your girlfriend's problem is that she saw you and your ex at a happy, functioning time of your and your ex's relationship.
The second problem is that she sees your ex--or the "ghost" of your ex--as a competitor she can't compete with. Whatever the reason, THIS is the biggest issue you will/would have to solve to maintain the new relationship. If she can't come to terms with the fact she's competitive and you want(ed) to be with her, then it's essentially over because--when one party decides they've "lost"--she's lost.
The third problem is that she most likely is playing along with the "soul mate/monogamous relationship" ideal where she expects to find THE ONE who will fulfill all of her needs on her own forever. This means she is trying to invest everything on one person--like you--and expects you to be or become her perfect provider. Because of this investment and her risk of failure, she is going to be nosy, paranoid, and desperate in her search for any failure on your part.
So should I just take a hard line with her now and sort of lay it on the line "trust me and be with me, or don't and end this" and "I'm not gonna try to defend my actions from a previous relationship to you" or should I give her some time and leeway to "get it out of her system" first and see if she comes around with a cooler head?
I think you should actually break up with her completely. I agree with all the other posters who said she was a snoop and I especially agree with US, he really nailed it nicely.
People can behave themselves very nicely in a new relationship, however after 4 months you have now seen a side of her that isn't pleasant, it's sneaky and manipulative. Do you really want to be with someone like this?
some people keep things, some people throw them away.
I'm a "keeper" myself. I have mementoes from past relationships that I keep in a box. It's not like I pull the box out on any sort of regular basis and look it over--even when I'm single.
So basically you faked that you were a decent guy...but the truth of it is that you keep porn of your ex that "means nothing to you" ...and you wonder why she wants nothing to do with you?
Sorry but that "little girl" has standards and you don't make the cut.
Get over it and bang some trash that does not care about if you respect your ex and yourself.
I would be totally repulsed and think you were pathetic. I would not of been mad but running out laughing and happy that I only wasted 4 months.
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