San Diego = Man Diego? Bad dating scene? (sales, zip code)

[Pedro2000]

Originally Posted by elchevere

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....can't help recall the stories from OC about my friends who would be asked what car they drive and/or told if they didn't make $200,000/year (this was back in the 90's, so we're probably talking $300,000 or more now) they can't see them anymore...if a woman ever pulled that stunt on me, I would reply with a question along the lines of if she performs a certain act one performs when the relationship has turned intimate.

I have a friend of a friend I talk to now and again. He's in his forties, does well, friendly enough, fit and so on. He was on a date once and asked if he belongs to certain members only clubs and certain other golf clubs. He thought it was an odd question to ask early on on a first date, but things like this do happen often enough in San Diego. We've had posters on this forum asking "where to meet men in Del Mar or La Jolla." I doubt they are going to Del Mar and hanging out at enoteca or El Agave to meet your avg middle class guy.

[rgb123]

Originally Posted by Pedro2000

I have a friend of a friend I talk to now and again. He's in his forties, does well, friendly enough, fit and so on. He was on a date once and asked if he belongs to certain members only clubs and certain other golf clubs. He thought it was an odd question to ask early on on a first date, but things like this do happen often enough in San Diego. We've had posters on this forum asking "where to meet men in Del Mar or La Jolla." I doubt they are going to Del Mar and hanging out at enoteca or El Agave to meet your avg middle class guy.

I haven't seen those posts...and how old were the women (I presume women)? If they were over 40 its not at all surprising they would be asking about Del Mar and not PB or something like that. Where are they supposed to be hanging out?

As for asking if he belongs to certain clubs, I don't know, I wasn't on their one date...but maybe she golfs? Maybe she was telling a story?

Are there materialistic women? sure, but mostly women are looking for someone at least as successful as themselves, not a sugar daddy.

As for women over 40 or 35 looking for someone who has never had a serious relationship...who are these mythical women? It's more like women are suspicious if he's never been married or had a serious relationship.

It's nice to meet men without kids once you are over 35...just as its nice for men to meet women who don't have kids yet. It's not an expectation that someone will have no baggage of any kind...most people (ahem, especially women) want someone who has some experience and has been humbled by life, not some crazy weird expecations that everything will be perfect forever.

Most people who have been divorced, prefer other people who have been through it too...most people with kids, tend to gravitate toward others with kids. Is it really surpsing someone with no kids might be pleasantly surprised to find someone else who has never had children?

Those awful evil women with their ovaries and expectations over 35! lol

[Pedro2000]

Originally Posted by rgb123

I haven't seen those posts...and how old were the women (I presume women)? If they were over 40 its not at all surprising they would be asking about Del Mar and not PB or something like that. Where are they supposed to be hanging out?

As for asking if he belongs to certain clubs, I don't know, I wasn't on their one date...but maybe she golfs? Maybe she was telling a story?

Are there materialistic women? sure, but mostly women are looking for someone at least as successful as themselves, not a sugar daddy.

As for women over 40 or 35 looking for someone who has never had a serious relationship...who are these mythical women? It's more like women are suspicious if he's never been married or had a serious relationship.

It's nice to meet men without kids once you are over 35...just as its nice for men to meet women who don't have kids yet. It's not an expectation that someone will have no baggage of any kind...most people (ahem, especially women) want someone who has some experience and has been humbled by life, not some crazy weird expecations that everything will be perfect forever.

Most people who have been divorced, prefer other people who have been through it too...most people with kids, tend to gravitate toward others with kids. Is it really surpsing someone with no kids might be pleasantly surprised to find someone else who has never had children?

Those awful evil women with their ovaries and expectations over 35! lol

I would say that's the case in most places. It's not the case in San Diego for the most part. There are plenty of 35 and older women who want kids and don't want the guys they date to ever had any kids.

I also know a lot of women are full of BS when it comes kids and expectations. Most women with kids will tell you that "their kids are the #1 priority" etc etc etc. And they hate it when guys don't get that and can't just drop everything for them. But if you turn the tables and the guy is a father who makes the kids their #1 priority, many women with kids seem to have serious problem with that philosophy.

A lot of women seem to want a father who is good to his kids, but doesn't always have the kids. It's one of those "this is my family and you need to accept that" for the women and more your kids are cute, but they are cute on weekends or every other weekend. I've seen this happen far more often than you would imagine.

[sacite]

Originally Posted by Pedro2000

I would say that's the case in most places. It's not the case in San Diego for the most part. There are plenty of 35 and older women who want kids and don't want the guys they date to ever had any kids.

I also know a lot of women are full of BS when it comes kids and expectations. Most women with kids will tell you that "their kids are the #1 priority" etc etc etc. And they hate it when guys don't get that and can't just drop everything for them. But if you turn the tables and the guy is a father who makes the kids their #1 priority, many women with kids seem to have serious problem with that philosophy.

A lot of women seem to want a father who is good to his kids, but doesn't always have the kids. It's one of those "this is my family and you need to accept that" for the women and more your kids are cute, but they are cute on weekends or every other weekend. I've seen this happen far more often than you would imagine.

Agree. And I am borderline the age you refer to without many serious relationships. Kids are a gigantic responsibility and I am very happy I have none. For some reason a lot of women in their late 30's/early 40's put this huge ultimatum on acceptance of their kids. It's always their number 1 priority when seeking a man. But the child should be the number 1 priority for the WOMAN, not her potential suitor. It is asking quite a bit for a person you do not even know to accept upfront that they are tied to another human being's welfare whom they did not create. In fact, it's asking too much, in my opinion.

[rgb123]

I do not have any experience with women who were not accepting of a mans kids (especially those that had their own)

My ex had a son and we were very close, the breakup was harder on me because of that. In fact he was an irrepsonsible father at times and that concerned me about marrying him. We didn't marry, actually.

His son was never a problem. But the way my ex was a father (or wasn't) was a problem many times. I sympathized with his ex wife, still do. Of course it took me a year to understand the sitaution.

I'm sorry you had these experiences but I don't know many women with kids who are prejudiced about men with kids. Some single people maybe, like sacite...who has no kids doesn't want to be forced to accept a womans kids before his own needs (paraphrase) some women feel this way too....not exactly a horrible desire.

[Call_me_Tom]

I've found the kid thing to be true as well. Guy must except girls kids but girl excepts guys kids from afar.

I'll be straight up on this, I'm in my late 30's, I'm not dating women with infants & toddlers. I'm to old to be raising other peoples children.

[Tex?Il?]

Originally Posted by CNYC

I can't believe you guys are arguing over American Women when you live a few minutes from Mexico. Some of the most beautiful women are sitting in Tijuana.

Dating is awful in America period. It doesn't matter what coast you are on....it's our culture which ruins it.

Yeah, all 300 million of us.

You know there are beautiful mexican women here, right? (California is like half hispanic) So, you don't have to go down there (to TJ) and risk your safety.

[Pedro2000]

Originally Posted by rgb123

I do not have any experience with women who were not accepting of a mans kids (especially those that had their own)

My ex had a son and we were very close, the breakup was harder on me because of that. In fact he was an irrepsonsible father at times and that concerned me about marrying him. We didn't marry, actually.

His son was never a problem. But the way my ex was a father (or wasn't) was a problem many times. I sympathized with his ex wife, still do. Of course it took me a year to understand the sitaution.

I'm sorry you had these experiences but I don't know many women with kids who are prejudiced about men with kids. Some single people maybe, like sacite...who has no kids doesn't want to be forced to accept a womans kids before his own needs (paraphrase) some women feel this way too....not exactly a horrible desire.

It's not that they are prejudiced about the kids, many times they love them, but they love them from afar. A guy who has his kids on weekends, every other weekend, etc is the ideal situation it seems. They can be good fathers, but they aren't always responsible for dropping the kids off at school every day or picking them up or taking them to practices or events, etc.

Many women expect the guy to take the "entire package" or it's a no go. That means the woman, the kids, and so on. And half the time it means dealing with the kids father at times. But if you reverse that, many women do not want to deal with that when it comes to fathers. They don't want to have to take a back seat because their new man had to go take care of his own kids. Or he had to take them somewhere.

It's one of those "I want a guy who is a responsible father, but I don't want a guy who has to spend 8-1-00 percent of his time with his kids." There is a huge difference in dating somebody who has the kids on a saturday and sunday or every weekend and sometimes on a Weds evening for a few hours, compared to a single father or a father who has the kids most of the time. Most women don't want Brady Bunch. They want Brady Bunch if it means their kids are taken care of.

[CNYC]

Originally Posted by Tex?Il?

Yeah, all 300 million of us.

You know there are beautiful mexican women here, right? (California is like half hispanic) So, you don't have to go down there (to TJ) and risk your safety.

Unfortunately many of the hispanic women sitting in California are americanized. They don't hold the values that Mexican women have in Mexico. If we are just talking about looks then yes there are tons of beautiful latin women in California.

I don't fear TJ. I speak spanish and I respect local laws and customs.

[elchevere]

"I don't fear TJ. I speak spanish and I respect local laws and customs."

+1....if you act normal, not drunk and claim "but I'm an American", in someone else's country, have a purpose, don't do stupid things at 3AM in neighborhoods you are not familiar with, act respectful and don't bring undue attention to yourself then you should not have a problem... I've never had any issues in TJ....same goes for Colombia, Brazil, and all the other Latin American countries that I have visited. And even though I go by El Chevere, I'm whiter than most babies rear ends.