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Middletwin,
Agreed... poster describes the mother who keeps her child as being selfish-- I didn't hear any mention about adoptive parents who are or adopt for selfish reasons. Enter the not recent case of an adoptive couple who adopted a young girl- she had emotional (big surprise) issues related to (surprise again) trauma and bonding. The wonderful adoptive parents after a little while insisted the agency "take her back" - didn't say if they kept the receipt in case they wanted to return her 😖😖😡
Middletwin,
Agreed... poster describes the mother who keeps her child as being selfish-- I didn't hear any mention about adoptive parents who are or adopt for selfish reasons. Enter the not recent case of an adoptive couple who adopted a young girl- she had emotional (big surprise) issues related to (surprise again) trauma and bonding. The wonderful adoptive parents after a little while insisted the agency "take her back" - didn't say if they kept the receipt in case they wanted to return her 😖😖😡
This is the case of a Dutch diplomat and his wife who adopted a girl from South Korea, but apparently failed to bond with her. They claim that this failure was due to trauma, but other sources have claimed that the "parents" never really considered her to be one of their own, and never treated her as their own child. Obviously, I wasn't there and thus cannot claim to know the real facts. But I find it telling that these people never bothered to secure Dutch citizenship for the girl. (You would think that a diplomat in the service of the Dutch government would have some awareness of citizenship issues.)
So it seems likely (to me, at least) that the girl's emotional problems resulted not from adoption trauma and bonding, but rather due to a feeling of being unwanted by the people who were supposed to be her parents. That's not an adoption problem; it's a parenting problem.
What, exactly, is the point of this thread? Here's what I'm making of it so far:
1)Birth parents should always (or usually) raise their children. Anyone who wishes to provide any kind of guidance to the contrary is inherently evil and exploitative.
2)Adoptive parents are usually inadequate to meet the needs of their adoptive children due to a biological imperative. the OP feels that way about her own bio child, and can't imagine any woman feeling differently.
3) The adoption process is not perfect, and neither are parents, whether bio or adoptive.
I'll ask again...what constructive points are there to be made, here?
What, exactly, is the point of this thread? Here's what I'm making of it so far:
1)Birth parents should always (or usually) raise their children. Anyone who wishes to provide any kind of guidance to the contrary is inherently evil and exploitative.
2)Adoptive parents are usually inadequate to meet the needs of their adoptive children due to a biological imperative. the OP feels that way about her own bio child, and can't imagine any woman feeling differently.
3) The adoption process is not perfect, and neither are parents, whether bio or adoptive.
I'll ask again...what constructive points are there to be made, here?
This.
I don't think the OP really has a point in this thread.
She clings to a belief she was wanted by her biological parents but an evil adoptive system drove them apart.
OP would do better to reflect that she has by all accounts a good childhood and has been fortunate enough to have children of her own who may well find fault in her.
She has ignored any alternative experiences of children who have had abusive bio parents.
This is the case of a Dutch diplomat and his wife who adopted a girl from South Korea, but apparently failed to bond with her. They claim that this failure was due to trauma, but other sources have claimed that the "parents" never really considered her to be one of their own, and never treated her as their own child. Obviously, I wasn't there and thus cannot claim to know the real facts. But I find it telling that these people never bothered to secure Dutch citizenship for the girl. (You would think that a diplomat in the service of the Dutch government would have some awareness of citizenship issues.)
So it seems likely (to me, at least) that the girl's emotional problems resulted not from adoption trauma and bonding, but rather due to a feeling of being unwanted by the people who were supposed to be her parents. That's not an adoption problem; it's a parenting problem.
Partly agree w that-- the part that the adoptive parents didn't seem to regard her as their own child, didn't secure citizenship for her- strange, and then giving her back yes all trauma . However her origins before she went to (temporarily) stay w them was in itself a trauma.
What, exactly, is the point of this thread? Here's what I'm making of it so far:
1)Birth parents should always (or usually) raise their children. Anyone who wishes to provide any kind of guidance to the contrary is inherently evil and exploitative.
2)Adoptive parents are usually inadequate to meet the needs of their adoptive children due to a biological imperative. the OP feels that way about her own bio child, and can't imagine any woman feeling differently.
3) The adoption process is not perfect, and neither are parents, whether bio or adoptive.
I'll ask again...what constructive points are there to be made, here?
I'm sure this will be somewhat a waste of my time and typing an answer because you state you don't understand the point of the thread, but against my better judgement I'll summarize to which most likely you'll respond hat it's all nonsense but here goes anyways--
Disclaimer- there are plenty of people who get that adoption is trauma. And that being young (which resonates e me personally bc my natural parents were teens at time of my birth ) that being young in itself isn't and shouldn't be a reason for a mother to be harassed, guilted, coerced, bribed etc to give her child away.
Anyways I digress-- so what's the point of the thread you asked...
I think it's fair to say it's apparent- nonetheless the point is that adoption although sometimes in extreme cases is and can be an option, sometimes decent or even good. It isn't ideal however--it is ideal for a child to remain with his natural parents instead of there being a sudden severing in the natural bonding sequence.
Your point that adoption isn't perfect deflects from the point- of course nothing is perfect. It's not a matter of it not being perfect- it's a matter of adoption should be reserved as a last resort, while every effort instead should be invested in assisting the child's parents to keep their child- but in reality the reverse is true-- every effort is made or the main effort is made towards the goal of cajoling encouraging etc the natural parent to give up their child- this is especially true for younger parents, those who are poor, or in some pressing circumstance which makes them vulnerable to the grooming by the adoption agency to go ahead and place their child.
In many cases parents who ended up giving their child up could have if given more support and resources otherwise would have been able to feel more confident in keeping their own child.
OK, you are entitled to your feelings about your own adoption. Maybe it would have, could have been better... or maybe a whole lot worse...if we are to be truly rational about the situation. We are gown-ups now.
Do you remember your original post? That's what I'm referencing...how you, a parent of a bio child, are certain that adoptive parents aren't capable of loving a child not linked to them through DNA. How did you gain such expertise? Have you ever adopted a child? No? Guess you wouldn't really know!
What, exactly, is the point of this thread? Here's what I'm making of it so far:
1)Birth parents should always (or usually) raise their children. Anyone who wishes to provide any kind of guidance to the contrary is inherently evil and exploitative.
2)Adoptive parents are usually inadequate to meet the needs of their adoptive children due to a biological imperative. the OP feels that way about her own bio child, and can't imagine any woman feeling differently.
3) The adoption process is not perfect, and neither are parents, whether bio or adoptive.
I'll ask again...what constructive points are there to be made, here?
The point is the process is causing a majority to be divorced from their bio-parents, complete with trauma. It's not about pitting parents against each other because of the way they became parents.
OK, you are entitled to your feelings about your own adoption. Maybe it would have, could have been better... or maybe a whole lot worse...if we are to be truly rational about the situation. We are gown-ups now.
Do you remember your original post? That's what I'm referencing...how you, a parent of a bio child, are certain that adoptive parents aren't capable of loving a child not linked to them through DNA. How did you gain such expertise? Have you ever adopted a child? No? Guess you wouldn't really know!
Parent of a bio child-- you mean, child... i wouldn't really know? Well that always makes sense to tell someone who has firsthand lifelong experience with an issue they wouldn't know about it. (8 in case you missed part that I am an adoptee and have decades of experience as one of the main or the main leg of the adoption triad--- also my sister is adopted as well and I grew up with her two years age difference so intimately aware of how it was for her as well, her feelings etc // I have two sets of parents- my natural parents and adoptive ones so I feel like hat qualifies me as having significant decades personally being the main part of the adoption triad
You know nothing about being an adoptive PARENT. Only that of your own (apparently not very healthy) mother and anecdotes from friends. Unhappy people do tend to bond more easily, you know. The happy adopted kids likely were not among your associates. I discussed this with one of my now adult children who is an adoptee and her first reaction was "...is this person a teenager...?" She had a lot more to say, too. she was quite puzzled (and seemingly angry) over your need to insult adoptive families. She overcame this idealization of her birth parents decades ago, and she is a couple of decades younger than you, also a mother now. We are a close, large family, kids are both adopted and bio. We discuss things a lot. We love and support each other a lot. Husband and I are on the same team, too.
You also know nothing about very significant childhood traumas that many of us (including myself) have experienced, some as very young kids. I won't go into the ugly details, as most everyone has painful issues to deal with in their lives. Life goes on. We make our lives better. We don't ruminate to the point of misery, or to the point of causing unhappiness to others. This thread, and especially its title, are an insult to others who have loving families. "Time to grow up, or get help...," to quote my daughter.
Last edited by mgkeith; 09-21-2017 at 08:58 AM..
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