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The point is the process is causing a majority to be divorced from their bio-parents, complete with trauma. It's not about pitting parents against each other because of the way they became parents.
Thanks for helping w this... that poster asking what the point was just because he doesn't understand or agree, ugggh.
You know nothing about being an adoptive PARENT. Only that of your own (apparently not very healthy) mother and anecdotes from friends. Unhappy people do tend to bond more easily, you know. The happy adopted kids likely were not among your associates. I discussed this with one of my now adult children who is an adoptee and her first reaction was "...is this person a teenager...?" She had a lot more to say, too. she was quite puzzled (and seemingly angry) over your need to insult adoptive families. She overcame this idealization of her birth parents decades ago, and she is a couple of decades younger than you, also a mother now. We are a close, large family, kids are both adopted and bio. We discuss things a lot. We love and support each other a lot. Husband and I are on the same team, too.
You also know nothing about very significant childhood traumas that many of us (including myself) have experienced, some as very young kids. I won't go into the ugly details, as most everyone has painful issues to deal with in their lives. Life goes on. We make our lives better. We don't ruminate to the point of misery, or to the point of causing unhappiness to others. This thread, and especially its title, are an insult to others who have loving families. "Time to grow up, or get help...," to quote my daughter.
If your adult daughter has read this thread and then has a comment, her viewpoint would be more credible than through your lens.
You should only be insulted about the process of separating people from their families, when not warranted. It isn't about you in your role as the the second parent, at all.
You know nothing about being an adoptive PARENT. Only that of your own (apparently not very healthy) mother and anecdotes from friends. Unhappy people do tend to bond more easily, you know. The happy adopted kids likely were not among your associates. I discussed this with one of my now adult children who is an adoptee and her first reaction was "...is this person a teenager...?" She had a lot more to say, too. she was quite puzzled (and seemingly angry) over your need to insult adoptive families. She overcame this idealization of her birth parents decades ago, and she is a couple of decades younger than you, also a mother now. We are a close, large family, kids are both adopted and bio. We discuss things a lot. We love and support each other a lot. Husband and I are on the same team, too.
You also know nothing about very significant childhood traumas that many of us (including myself) have experienced, some as very young kids. I won't go into the ugly details, as most everyone has painful issues to deal with in their lives. Life goes on. We make our lives better. We don't ruminate to the point of misery, or to the point of causing unhappiness to others. This thread, and especially its title, are an insult to others who have loving families. "Time to grow up, or get help...," to quote my daughter.
I'm sorry but your seeming insecurity doesn't determine the validity of my viewpoint.
If your adult daughter has read this thread and then has a comment, her viewpoint would be more credible than through your lens.
You should only be insulted about the process of separating people from their families, when not warranted. It isn't about you in your role as the the second parent, at all.
Exactly-- (and I also noticed poster was acting as a spokesperson for adopted daughter , and agree it would be more credible coming from her)....the post to me as an adoptee has that recognizable oh so familiar message of it being about the adoptive parents insecurity and need to prove that adoption is wonderful and their adopted kids have no need or desire to know their natural parents. I recognize it pretty readily because I have lived my whole life with it coming from my own adoptive mother. And as a therapist recognized it in her as well stating that she seems really insecure about the fact I was adopted and probably wouldn't get too far w her
Thanks, and best of luck also to all those people you know coming out of anesthesia. Apparently if someone doesn't lock step agree with you your best bet is to imply they're under the influence. Hopefully middletwin, myself and others who have a different view than you do can "recover" and agree with you, as really is the way it should be.
OP, I am really sorry that you had what you feel like was such a tragic and traumatic childhood.....
I was adopted at about a month old in 1960.... by parents who could not conceive their own children..... My mother wanted nothing more in the world than to BE a mother and when I finally came into their lives, I was named for a song from that time, the second line of which "you are the answer to my prayers......"
I have met both of my bio parents, my bio mom when I was in my early 20's and my bio-dad when I was in my late 40's and I am thankful every day that my then teenaged bio mom made the hardest decision of her life to give me up to parents who COULD provide the upbringing that she could not......
when my then also teenaged bio dad found out that I was on the way, he walked himself right out of the picture......
I canNOT even imagine what it would have been like to have been raised by either or both of those two people, even though each went on to have good, middle class lives......
So, please know that you do NOT speak for all of us! and I second the suggestion that you seek therapy to deal with these hostile feelings you harbor......
Yes I never purported to speak for "everyone"-- I stated my opinion, entitled "generally speaking against adoption in most cases"
I think I should add that I am not against adoption because of the cases where adoptive parents are abusive (although obviously anyone is against child abuse per se)-- I just have the belief that in most cases it is better to keep a child and his natural family together (even with natural parents who are young-- to me being young in itself shouldn't be the pivotal reason why a child is relinquished)--- I believe that the adoption industry has it backwards-- iow the goal should be unless actual abuse is taking place, to keep a child with his natural family. That the severing of that bond and interruption in the sequence of bonding is a trauma.
I'm glad that you report your adoptive parents were very good parents. I have had my own experience as an adoptee and also as I've said before, know closely my siblings experience and her feelings on it as we grew up 20 months apart. I also was friends with a girl who was, and my sisters close friend was. My observations has been that many adoptive parents feel a level of insecurity and envy of the natural parents and are intentional in trying to sway or influence the adoptee to not want contact- or to give the message they would be hurt or offended, if they did. There's more but I have to hurry to an appointment.
Yes I never purported to speak for "everyone"-- I stated my opinion, entitled "generally speaking against adoption in most cases"
I think I should add that I am not against adoption because of the cases where adoptive parents are abusive (although obviously anyone is against child abuse per se)-- I just have the belief that in most cases it is better to keep a child and his natural family together (even with natural parents who are young-- to me being young in itself shouldn't be the pivotal reason why a child is relinquished)--- I believe that the adoption industry has it backwards-- iow the goal should be unless actual abuse is taking place, to keep a child with his natural family. That the severing of that bond and interruption in the sequence of bonding is a trauma.
I'm glad that you report your adoptive parents were very good parents. I have had my own experience as an adoptee and also as I've said before, know closely my siblings experience and her feelings on it as we grew up 20 months apart. I also was friends with a girl who was, and my sisters close friend was. My observations has been that many adoptive parents feel a level of insecurity and envy of the natural parents and are intentional in trying to sway or influence the adoptee to not want contact- or to give the message they would be hurt or offended, if they did. There's more but I have to hurry to an appointment.
my 2 years younger, also adopted brother and I knew from before we could really understand that we had been adopted.... it was never a secret, never an issue, it was just part of our landscape......
I believe that having been raised by two college and advanced degree educated professionals provided us with FAR better lives and opportunities than remaining with either or both of our birth families..... as I said above, teenaged bio mom and dad, in my case...... my brother has never sought his birth family out....
I have congenital hip dysplasia for which I was treated the moment it was discovered..... I really can't say how that would have played out with either or both of the bio parents..... my brother also had a congenital issue with one of his legs, for which he also received immediate treatment.....
he also has ADHD, diagnosed in the late 60's before it was all the rage, and received the necessary treatment and therapy to help him be the best he could be....
Our parents provided us with care and opportunities that I know for a fact that **I** would never have received being raised by teenagers......
As I have also said, I have met and maintained contact with both of my bio parents and they both made themselves good, middle class lives..... how would having to raise a baby with medical issues have changed THAT??
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Have a happy weekend, you two.
