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She was underweight and now she is normal weight. She has known her husband for 13 years. 50 lbs over 13 years isn't that much.
We don't know how she looks now. The height/weight scales dont often factor body structure, frame, etc. The op has a small frame, or else she wouldn't have been that thin to begin with. A normal or healthy weight for her may be much smaller than 150. We don't know how she looks now, we only know that she's put on a lot of weight.
My mother was 5ft6 and 110 and she was a lean woman. She gained 15-20 pounds before she passed away and she no longer looked the same. Her legs were bigger for instance. She wasn't fat at all, and was normal looking, but she actually looked better smaller. In any case had she went on to gain an additional 15 to 20 pounds she would have looked chubby or a cheeseburger away from being chubby. That's being real. Not everyone looks good at certain weights even if that weight falls into the normal zone. Some women look better slightly overweight, others look fat, and some women look better thin, then they do "average". We all carry weight differently. But what stood out to me is the ops petite small frame needing girdle/shapers to look nice in clothing. What also stands out to me is that based on her weight gain she looks drastically different from how she looked from when they married. And it wasn't from natural aging, babies, etc it's from eating too much. She doesn't have to get back to 100 pounds but she can certainly drop twenty and meet him halfway.
Ok all you married couples - the consensus is in: You must never change anything physically about yourself because your partner only loves the body you were in when you got married! No hair cutting! No hair dying! No teeth fixing or whitening! No weight gain or loss! No new scars! No new wrinkles! No sagging anything! Better not need glasses! Change is bad! Change is scary! You must physically remain the same until you die!
Ok all you married couples - the consensus is in: You must never change anything physically about yourself because your partner only loves the body you were in when you got married! No hair cutting! No hair dying! No teeth fixing or whitening! No weight gain or loss! No new scars! No new wrinkles! No sagging anything! Better not need glasses! Change is bad! Change is scary! You must physically remain the same until you die!
Pathetic.
Yep basically. Marriage means nothing in that case. I'm fighting my own self to keep my marriage together. It pains me to see others dismiss it so readily.
We don't know how she looks now. The height/weight scales dont often factor body structure, frame, etc. The op has a small frame, or else she wouldn't have been that thin to begin with. A normal or healthy weight for her may be much smaller than 150. We don't know how she looks now, we only know that she's put on a lot of weight.
My mother was 5ft6 and 110 and she was a lean woman. She gained 15-20 pounds before she passed away and she no longer looked the same. Her legs were bigger for instance. She wasn't fat at all, and was normal looking, but she actually looked better smaller. In any case had she went on to gain an additional 15 to 20 pounds she would have looked chubby or a cheeseburger away from being chubby. That's being real. Not everyone looks good at certain weights even if that weight falls into the normal zone. Some women look better slightly overweight, others look fat, and some women look better thin, then they do "average". We all carry weight differently. But what stood out to me is the ops petite small frame needing girdle/shapers to look nice in clothing. What also stands out to me is that based on her weight gain she looks drastically different from how she looked from when they married. And it wasn't from natural aging, babies, etc it's from eating too much. She doesn't have to get back to 100 pounds but she can certainly drop twenty and meet him halfway.
That's what I'm thinking, too: weight distribution plays a huge factor. For example, an extra 50 pounds filling out the T&A is going to look a lot different than 50 pounds settling on the hips and belly. Just as gaining weight from a healthy diet a strength-training is going to look a lot different than gaining weight from overindulging in cereal.
My husband and I have been together some 13 years now. His first marriage, my second. When we met I weighed about 100 pounds. He told me that he's always been attracted to slender, petite women. For most of my life I was the skinny girl. Even after having my 2 kids from my first husband I still remained slim and petite. Our sex life was great in the beginning. Well, since then I've began putting on weight and I liked the way I looked with some meat on my bones. I like to eat and I'll eat a bowl of cereal every night before I go to bed. People have commented on how much better I look, except my husband. No we don't have any kids together. I guess I've gone from 100 lbs to almost 150 lbs any my husband doesn't seem to want to touch me. He's always said that he doesn't like a woman with a big booty (we're both black) and most of the black guys I know love a woman with a big rear end. Not my husband.
We've only had sex maybe twice in the past 3 or 4 months and he refuses to touch me. One thing I can say about him is that he's brutally honest. He'll tell me that he's not attracted to bigger women and that I've gained weight. I wear body shapers and "girdles" to hold everything in but he says that's nice when you're dressed but when you take that off and the real me comes out it's not attractive to see that I've put on about 50% of my initial body weight since we first met.
I'm the type of woman who believes in unconditional love. You should love the person you're with no matter how they change. My husband says that it is only reserved for parents and children and somewhat brothers and sisters. Why can't he just love me for me? We're in our mid 40s and he doesn't seem to care about sex (with me). Don't most men like sex? If he's not having sex with me then who's he having it with? Your weight should not be an issue if you truly love someone.The funny thing is this. He's also put on weight. No, not as much as me but I still love and desire him. He went from a 44 suit to a 46 so he's putting on the lbs too. He won't touch me. He won't cuddle with me. I've caught him checking out younger, slimmer women and I'm starting to worry.
What should I do? No, I don't want to go back to my original weight but I want my husband to want me again.
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Yeah, it sounds pretty crappy. Even if one does not add weight through the years (rare) one has to come to terms with the aging process. Many in our society think they will never age. They go to great lengths to buy a few more "seasons" of their youth. Some carry it to the point of sad. No matter, you both have to come to terms with it. I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you and hope you can work it out.
Ok all you married couples - the consensus is in: You must never change anything physically about yourself because your partner only loves the body you were in when you got married! No hair cutting! No hair dying! No teeth fixing or whitening! No weight gain or loss! No new scars! No new wrinkles! No sagging anything! Better not need glasses! Change is bad! Change is scary! You must physically remain the same until you die!
Pathetic.
Actually I would never make major changes without consulting my husband. Can I do what I want? Sure. Will my husband still love me? Yes. Will he be like "I want to grab you and throw you down, and have my way with you?" Maybe not.
I have long hair my husband loves and I know he would lose some attraction points if I did a boy cut. He wanted me at 140, but at 125 he wants to jump me more often.
Some things when it comes to aging we can't change, but a lot of things are within our control.
I try to maintain the type of person my husband would ask out on a date, or someone who would turn his head in a crowd. Do I have to in order to keep him? No. Does it add fuel to the spark? You betcha.
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Ok all you married couples - the consensus is in: You must never change anything physically about yourself because your partner only loves the body you were in when you got married! No hair cutting! No hair dying! No teeth fixing or whitening! No weight gain or loss! No new scars! No new wrinkles! No sagging anything! Better not need glasses! Change is bad! Change is scary! You must physically remain the same until you die!
Pathetic.
Change is one thing but letting yourself go is another.
We can argue about this until the cows come home but ultimately, he's simply not attracted to her and she's happy at her new weight. They are going to have to work this out themselves. However they should feel doesn't change how they do feel.
Ok all you married couples - the consensus is in: You must never change anything physically about yourself because your partner only loves the body you were in when you got married! No hair cutting! No hair dying! No teeth fixing or whitening! No weight gain or loss! No new scars! No new wrinkles! No sagging anything! Better not need glasses! Change is bad! Change is scary! You must physically remain the same until you die!
Pathetic.
A 50 pound weight gain from eating too much is beyond teeth whitening or natural wrinkles from aging--it's the result of not taking care of oneself and it's within the ops control. Aging is natural as is the side effects of sagging, wrinkles and an aged face. Though having a healthy diet, genetics and having an active lifestyle can minimize these effects--they are the reality of getting older. Weight gain is natural as well. But there's a difference between natural weight gain as you age versus unhealthy excessive gain from overeating.
The complaint is about the op not taking care of herself and knowing the type of man her husband is but expecting him to overlook it all and still feel the same desire he felt when she was thin.
To each their own. We all have different conditions that we define when it comes to our love and marriage. We all have different deal breakers. Personally I was raised that as a woman you should always pay attention to presentation-it speaks volumes about how you feel about yourself. Thus no matter what I've always worked out, watch my weight, and especially in serious relationships I've always put effort into how I look physically because I want to look good for my man, and I understand that attraction in a relationship is important. I also tend to attract men that are the same and if they suddenly stopped caring about sustaining that attraction and taking care of themselves it can gradually lead to a lot of issues. If both people work on sustaining the others attraction and meet the others needs as best as they can it can go a long way.
I would not get my hair cut in a way that would be outside of a "so's" preference or drastically change my looks in a way that I knew he would not like. And I would expect for it to be likewise for him. This doesn't mean that I would be his personal robot but it does mean that I would take him into consideration. And in cases where I may want to do something drastic that would impact his attraction for me there is always a middle ground or a way to compromise or negotiate. Sometimes it also means that certain things won't happen. You can be selfish when you aren't committed to another person who matters just as much as you do. But when your in a relationship you have to factor in the other person.
The op knows what her husband likes. She knows that he is not happy with her weight gain. No she does not need to lose all 50 pounds but meeting him halfway would help a lot more than expecting him to just pretend there isn't an elephant in the room and that s*** is the same when it isn't.
Last edited by Faith2187; 10-19-2015 at 09:58 PM..
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