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Most men are visual. You cannot force that out of them. A guy can still love you even if he's not "attracted" to you. It's still possible to have sex because at some point you have to have a release but that doesn't mean a physical attraction.
In a lot of cases if the spouse was huge to begin with they never would have even met with sexual intent.
Op, your husband should definitely (and hopefully does) love and accept you for who you are. And equally, you should love yourself enough to not let yourself go. He shouldn't either for that matter. You two could "love" and accept each other right into type 2 diabetes, hypertension, and possibly premature death.
That is how it looks on those two women. We do not know how the op looks. She is not obese. However based on her body type she may not be carrying the weight well. No two women are built alike. And some women do look better slimmer-it depends on the woman. As for the op, she was very thin when she met him, he told her he liked thin women. She is no longer thin, has gained 50 pounds from over eating and now needs girdles and shapers when she wears clothes. Clearly she has a completely different body and he is no longer attracted. She wants to feel desired and for him to want her sexually so staying the weight she is will not improve her sex life or her marriage. Obviously it's up to her to decide what she wants to do-stay her weight and accept that because she is not thin her husband will not accept her or try to lose some weight to get slimmer so that she can meet him halfway without having to be skin and bones.
Looks good to me ^^^^^^ However, this is proof 150 pounds will look different on everyone. The girl on the bottom seems to be a little taller and has more of an athletic build and holds the weight better. Or you could say she holds it easier. The girl on top looks cute and cuddly as she is, with some meat on her, but probably needs to tone up some. If she gained even 10 more pounds it would probably do her in so she's already at her max.
I am 5'11" and I would have a muffin top at 150lbs and not look pretty at all. Right now I am at 133 lbs which is okay, everything over 140 lbs would not look too much. I would need the shape wear the OP uses as well.
... and I work out 4x/week.
Op is not obese but overweight - she uses SHAPE WEAR to KEEP MEAT IN PLACE... doesn't that say it all??
That is how it looks on those two women. We do not know how the op looks. She is not obese. However based on her body type she may not be carrying the weight well. No two women are built alike. And some women do look better slimmer-it depends on the woman. As for the op, she was very thin when she met him, he told her he liked thin women. She is no longer thin, has gained 50 pounds from over eating and now needs girdles and shapers when she wears clothes. Clearly she has a completely different body and he is no longer attracted. She wants to feel desired and for him to want her sexually so staying the weight she is will not improve her sex life or her marriage. Obviously it's up to her to decide what she wants to do-stay her weight and accept that because she is not thin her husband will not accept her or try to lose some weight to get slimmer so that she can meet him halfway without having to be skin and bones.
Yeah. I don't think I am obese. But I am probably overweight, though everyone, even my former gyno insisted I wasn't. I am 5'0, 5'2 at best. My weight goes between 124 - 130, but usually it doesn't get over that. My family thinks I look great, considering I was bigger than the OP in HS, around 160. Now in my 120s, I look better, but I still have extra weight in my mid-section that I want to lose. My mother and father think I'm going to look anorexic before long. I think they're exaggerating lol I did want to get down to 110.
With the extra weight, it went to my face, stomach and butt. So when I lost the weight, I went down in those areas, So if I get bigger, it goes straight to the belly 1st.
So depends on where women are destined to get / keep their weight. I think someone here mentioned a friend who had stomach issues. If she gained weight, her stomach got big, but nothing else, making it look bad.
I am 5'11" and I would have a muffin top at 150lbs and not look pretty at all. Right now I am at 133 lbs which is okay, everything over 140 lbs would not look too much. I would need the shape wear the OP uses as well.
... and I work out 4x/week.
Op is not obese but overweight - she uses SHAPE WEAR to KEEP MEAT IN PLACE... doesn't that say it all??
Which furthers that everyone carries their weight differently. At 5'9.5" and low 180s, I had a pretty flat stomach. Hell, it was flat at 190, where I was roughly 13 lbs overweight. I looked fantastic at the lower and upper end and would have side-eyed anyone who claimed I "needed" to lose 30-40 lbs. No, not for my frame.
OP hasn't posted a photo, so we don't know how she carries her weight, so much of this "is she, isn't she" is purely speculative.
Which furthers that everyone carries their weight differently. At 5'9.5" and low 180s, I had a pretty flat stomach. Hell, it was flat at 190, where I was roughly 13 lbs overweight. I looked fantastic at the lower and upper end and would have side-eyed anyone who claimed I "needed" to lose 30-40 lbs. No, not for my frame.
OP hasn't posted a photo, so we don't know how she carries her weight, so much of this "is she, isn't she" is purely speculative.
So you didn't have to wear shape wear to keep the flab in check. OP said her stuff falls out if she doesn't wear tightening clothes.
The bottom line is that people change as they age - their looks change, their attitudes change, their bodies change, their hair changes, their libido changes, their politics and religion may even change, and if someone is so caught up in something very, very specific and very hard to maintain as the body ages, that person is still the person with the issue.
When a man trades in his spouse for a younger, shinier model we don't blame the woman for getting old. The OP gained weight that made her happy with how she looks and is by far healthier than a skeletal 100 lbs, you're all blaming her because she doesn't meet her husbands exacting standards. It is, indeed, ridiculous.
And for the record, no man is going to tell me how my hair and body are supposed to look, and if he had that kind of attitude I certainly wouldn't marry him. I'm sure there are plenty of men on here who feel exactly the same way.
I've already posted my points over and over again. She was thin when she met him and married him and the weight gain has not been natural healthy age weight gain. If anything she was already within his standards when they met, but now she wants to flip the script and she wants him to accept her new standards and still desire her the same way he did when he actually found her desirable. You cannot make someone find you physically attractive if they do not-no matter how much they love you. If she wants a man that likes thick women then the only realistic option is to bounce. But something tells me she loves him and wants her marriage to work-losing some weight(not all) so that she can be within the realm of the woman she was when they married and still look healthy(she will still have meat on her bones at 130) would help. Everything is cause and effect. Always. She wants to stay her weight, fine, but don't trip when he doesn't want to have sex with her because he can't get it up.
As for yourself, that's great that you desire a man that will love you and still find you physically and sexually attractive no matter if your fat, thin, etc. There are men and women that exist that are like you. It is best to marry people with similar ideals as yourself, so everything you've said makes perfect sense. Unfortunately the ops husband is not like you. And I suppose I'm not either.
Don't ever get too comfortable or take my love for granted and assume I will stick around when you get accustomed to behaviors that are destructive--such as overeating to the point of excessive weight gain and when I tell you it's a problem you aren't willing to work on it. That kills my feelings and as far as I'm concerned the only person where my love will be unconditional is for my dependent child. We all have conditions to our love whether we admit or not. I work out and take care of myself and I would expect my spouse to do the same if he if physically able. If he lets himself go and overtime doesn't try to try himself back he cannot get upset when it negatively impacts the relationship. This is when people really need to know who they are marrying and their ideals because it matters, we all will not see this the same way.
So you didn't have to wear shape wear to keep the flab in check. OP said her stuff falls out if she doesn't wear tightening clothes.
Those were her words? Or that she wears them to look slimmer and put together, which is the whole point of shape wear. Anything that isn't taut or flat will be "held in" until the girdle is removed, but it doesn't mean she has flab falling out. lol
Again, OP has contributed very little to this thread and we don't have a photo to see how she carries the weight. I'd hate to be in the OP's shoes.
*Edit- Oh, nevermind, I deleted what I typed. The OP is long gone and had already made her decision before posting.
Last edited by Return2Paradise; 10-20-2015 at 10:10 AM..
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^^^^^^ However, this is proof 150 pounds will look different on everyone. The girl on the bottom seems to be a little taller and has more of an athletic build and holds the weight better. Or you could say she holds it easier. The girl on top looks cute and cuddly as she is, with some meat on her, but probably needs to tone up some. If she gained even 10 more pounds it would probably do her in so she's already at her max.
