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For those who are bashing the husband cause he prefers his woman to look a certain way, you guys are wrong. It doesn't matter what the guy prefers, that's what he likes, period. He can like anorexic, overweight, tall, short, whatever his preference is, that's all up to him. He told her this from the get go. He never lied, he never mislead her, he was straight forward with her from the get go. She knew this and continued with this relationship on her own accord. Now she's changed, not him. So who's fault is this?
I'm not saying that the op gaining 50 lbs is wrong of her or for her, but she did this knowing that that's not what he likes and expects him to be ok with it? It's wrong for the relationship she wish to have with him to gain 50 lbs.
And forget how 150 might make her look. Forget the bmi and health issues. This post is about wanting her man to be attracted to her again. She needs to lose weight for that to happen in this relationship. Hey, the op could be the the perfect woman physically for some men at 150. Great. But for him, no. She knew this going in and now wants her man to change himself and his criteria cause she decided so.
Last edited by kcatheart; 10-20-2015 at 02:32 PM..
Unconditional love is social construct that attempts to guilt people into staying with people that might, or are, dragging them down. No one on the power side of a conflict ever has to play the UL card. As Mochamajesty correctly points out, the o.p. is not suffering from an illness or the after effects of a disabling accident. For better or worse is not about UL, it is about compassion. People don't usually need to be guilted into showing compassion.
The o.p. and her mate have likely been growing apart over this for some time. The o.p.'s mate feels betrayed because he really thought he had picked someone with whom this would not be an issue. The o.p. seems to need the comfort of the nightly bowl of cereal. I don't know... I have never been a woman... never even had the slightest interest in being one... but if I was the o.p. I know that I would have my mate, when and where I wanted him or he would die trying to prove his silly "lack of attraction". It really comes down to "how low are you willing to go"? When there is truly no shame in your game and the ends truly justify the means... you don't have to pull the UL card or wonder if it should be in play.
Some of you over-estimate the ease with which people can break up a 13 year hitch. I would find it hard starting over again and its been ten years this last time. OTOH, after 13 years there isn't much sentimentality left in the relationship. Unless closeness is maintained, it goes away. Then, if there is ever conflict, it has to be resolved by brute force or objective mediation, because there is no affection to smooth the way to reconciliation. I might be wrong, but that's what I'm sensing here. Mutual regard and respect for what has been built by the o.p. and her mate, but not a whole lot of warm fuzzy. Some attempt should be made to get some warmth back. Even if the o.p. were to lose the weight. All of it. Get right back to 100lbs. Without the warmth it could still all blow up. Being HWP didn't help Halle Berry in her first marriage and having crazy bootay didn't help JLo in hers. So it really has nothing to do with weight. Nothing at all. This thread is NOT about weight. It's about loss of affection. Unless I way miss my guess weight didn't play a part in that.
Unconditional love is social construct that attempts to guilt people into staying with people that might, or are, dragging them down. No one on the power side of a conflict ever has to play the UL card. As Mochamajesty correctly points out, the o.p. is not suffering from an illness or the after effects of a disabling accident. For better or worse is not about UL, it is about compassion. People don't usually need to be guilted into showing compassion.
The o.p. and her mate have likely been growing apart over this for some time. The o.p.'s mate feels betrayed because he really thought he had picked someone with whom this would not be an issue. The o.p. seems to need the comfort of the nightly bowl of cereal. I don't know... I have never been a woman... never even had the slightest interest in being one... but if I was the o.p. I know that I would have my mate, when and where I wanted him or he would die trying to prove his silly "lack of attraction". It really comes down to "how low are you willing to go"? When there is truly no shame in your game and the ends truly justify the means... you don't have to pull the UL card or wonder if it should be in play.
Some of you over-estimate the ease with which people can break up a 13 year hitch. I would find it hard starting over again and its been ten years this last time. OTOH, after 13 years there isn't much sentimentality left in the relationship. Unless closeness is maintained, it goes away. Then, if there is ever conflict, it has to be resolved by brute force or objective mediation, because there is no affection to smooth the way to reconciliation. I might be wrong, but that's what I'm sensing here. Mutual regard and respect for what has been built by the o.p. and her mate, but not a whole lot of warm fuzzy. Some attempt should be made to get some warmth back. Even if the o.p. were to lose the weight. All of it. Get right back to 100lbs. Without the warmth it could still all blow up. Being HWP didn't help Halle Berry in her first marriage and having crazy bootay didn't help JLo in hers. So it really has nothing to do with weight. Nothing at all. This thread is NOT about weight. It's about loss of affection. Unless I way miss my guess weight didn't play a part in that.
We can only go by what the op is telling us and she's saying it's because of the weight that has caused the loss of affection. We don't know her and her husband from Adam and Eve so who are we to say otherwise.
You could possibly be right with your diagnosis but in this thread, you have to go with what she tells us.
But she didn't let herself go, she got healthier. Geezus christos on a craka!!!
This. She didn't "let herself go". It sounds like she was underweight before. She got to a healthy weight, then it sounds like she put on some extra from there (she has to wear shapers to hold it all in). Still, 150 isn't excessive or obese, unless she's 5' tall. But hopefully, her husband married her for more than her looks, and can appreciate her other qualities, though it sounds doubtful. My vote is still with her compromising and coming down a size or two. Otherwise, in another 10 years, being as how people do tend to gradually put on pounds as they age, she really will be obese.
YIKES. OP, your husband definitely has a "preference" all right. It's called PEDOPHILIA.
Get a divorce!
WOW that is a game changer! I agree, get a divorce, get the HELL OUT NOW!! Ugh.... creepy doesn't begin to describe.... assuming this and the OPs other posts are legit....
After reading through this entire thread I can not believe that some of you men wonder why you are ALONE.
It never ceases to amaze me when some of you guys look like Jabba the Flippin' Hut but demand that only a woman who is model thin and movie star pretty is "worthy" of you.
Many of you saying that 5'6" 150lbs is "letting oneself go" really need a reality check. The number on the scale is relative. Percentage of body fat and lean muscle are far more important than the number on the scale.
Um... that PLUS size model is 3 inches taller than the OP. That matters.
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Your husband needs to learn to look at the person inside the body, not the body. My wife is 5'2" and way overweight due to medical conditions. But, to me, she's the most beautiful woman in the world. Always has been, always will be. She doesn't know how I want to stay with her. Due to back problems, she can't get up for more than a few minutes, meaning she can't do things around the house. Sitting around all the time, plus some meds she's taking caused her to gain weight. I don't care! I didn't propose to her body (even though I can't keep my hands off her body!). I proposed and married her.
I think your husband needs to think about that.
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