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I'm thinking more and more that the op is not real. Between this and the other thread.
Op if he cheated on you and you can't get over it and that's why your overeating then you need to separate and get yourself together. Otherwise if you really want to save your marriage and he has agreed to lose weight with you, you need to try harder. You mentioned having two carbs late at night and barely working out, and ordering pills and that's how your trying?
Pills are not healthy and alone they cannot help you lose weight. Your trying to look for a short cut so that you can keep eating cereal at night. Geez if your going to waste calories on something sugary, why would it be on nasty cereal? Lol, I could understand cookies or cake or chocolate but you need a bowl of cereal that much?
A great alternative for a sweet cereal is a bowl of fresh pineapples, strawberries, or Macintosh apple slices with a table spoon of natural peanut butter.
Have you ever tried spaghetti squash? It takes some getting use to, but squash is a great way to replace spaghetti noodles. It seems like your constantly craving carbs so it may help to do a low carb diet for a couple of weeks to get rid of the cravings and then gradually add only fruits and grains in your diet to replace your cereal.
Just a thought.
Last edited by Faith2187; 10-23-2015 at 09:24 AM..
I don't think it matters which came first, the weight gain or the affair. Her 50 pounds didn't get up, load a gun, and hold it to his head saying, "cheat or die." Cheating is always a choice, and he chose to cheat.
OP, you're a more patient and forgiving person than I am. I would have divorced him when I found out about the affair. He broke a vow. You did not.
I beg to differ. Her weight gain has a lot to do with him stepping out on the marriage. Countless people in this post have mentioned that he might do it and now we find out that he has. Yes, her weight is a direst result. However, she's too stubborn to figure that out. He married her slim and now that she's ballooned she expects him to still desire her. I'm not saying she deserved it but the weight gain played a part.
It's a harsh reality but I've seen this exact thing play out a lot in real life-the wife or husband stops taking care of themselves, and the partner loses attraction and starts to desire and want people that resemble the way their partner once looked and it makes it easier for that person to validate why he/she pursues an affair or is ogling at attractive people.
It isn't right but I've seen it happen. Still the op needs to work on a better lifestyle not just for her marriage(if she even wants to save it after he stepped out) but also for herself. It seems like she has no idea how to even be healthy and take care of herself since she was thin for so long and was able to eat whatever without weight gain.
Now is the time to learn to be heathy and she can't use her husband's affair as a crutch for why she keeps eating because if it's the only reason she can't put down the bowl of cereal than she needs to leave for her own sense of self-otherwise there is no reason that she can't work harder at making better choices.
She is the one complaining about the effects of her actions on her marriage while making her husband out to be the bad guy.
Come to think of it, that's addict behavior - blame someone else.
Therefore he can't blame her 50 pounds for his choice to cheat.
And if she did develop some kind of disordered eating, wouldn't that fall under "in sickness and in health?" Food addictions are real. Disordered eating is real. Emotional eating is real. And there is not a human alive in a land of plenty whose relationship with food does not change in response to stress or crisis, whether it's to eat more or not to eat at all. People may have different thresholds for what sends them to the refrigerator or kills their appetites, but we all have them. If you've ever indulged in "comfort foods," you've engaged in emotional eating as a form of self-nurturing.
Food addictions are often tougher to combat than substance abuse, on top of it. Once a physical dependency is over, we can survive without heroin or booze. We can't survive without food.
She's probably emotionally eating and if that's the case, then what she needs is help not scorn. People are running her through the grinder yet her chunker husband doesn't look any better. Society likes to place a lot of the scorn on the woman when it comes to weight, with the worst offenders being other women. If looks are what binds their relationship, then they both need to step out. They don't have any children so it can be a clean break. She needs to look good for herself, foremost. Not try to please a middle aged man going through a mid-life crisis. I can only think that she deals with this because she thinks that at her age and more ample figure, she can't do better. "A man is better than no man"
Fact is, there are plenty of men out there who would appreciate her size and maybe she can develop a relationship based on many things, not one thing. Physical attraction is always there, but over time, other things become just as important. Read: that doesn't mean that it's a carte blanche to let oneself go. It means that there are so many other things that play into "attraction". My mother in law gained 100 lbs due to her lupus medication, yet they are in as much love as they were when they were teenagers. Who am I kidding? Over time, I'm going to have increasingly more gray hair and start to show my age. Heck, my butt is probably more squishy than it was when I was 24. That's reality and frankly, I have more than enough things going on in my life to care about dying my hair and having a firm butt. As long as I am healthy, reasonably fit, and groomed I'm good to go.
Sorry, I've been away a while but I have read all the posts and comments. As hard as it may sound, no woman wants her man/husband to comment on her weight. We all would think that our men should/would love us the way we are as well as desire us the way we are. Yes, I gained weight and I liked the way it looked on me. However, my husband didn't. I've caught him looking at thinner, slender women and it bothers me. I guess the reason why I'm having such a problem with this is because my husband and I are trying to save our marriage. I found out about a year and a half ago that he cheated on me with a younger woman. Yes, I was devastated. We've gone to counseling and he's apologized and said it was only a one time thing with a woman he met online.
This morning I showed him some pills that I was going to order and his response was, "why are you looking for a lose weight fast pill when changing your eating habits and exercising is the way to do it?" Shoot me for trying. He even made mention last night to point out my eating habits. He cooked spaghetti for dinner and 5 minutes after taking my plate to the kitchen I walked back in the room with a bowl of cereal. I'm trying. I go to the gym 1 day a week but it's just hard to drop weight. I've asked him to loose weight with me and his response is that men loose weight much faster than women so he didn't want me to get upset when he started to drop weight faster than me. He said he would though.
Echoing other posters: there are no quick fixes! Cleaning up your diet will make a huge difference, as will getting your body moving. The biggest hurdle with exercise is getting into a routine and sticking with it; make a commitment to get to the gym 3 days/week, and honor that commitment until it becomes just as much a part of routine as sleeping. Hell, you can still have that bowl of cereal... but you've got to work for it. Also, do it for you, not just for your husband; no matter what ends up happening with him, you will still have to deal with the long-term consequences of not taking care of yourself.
Sorry, I've been away a while but I have read all the posts and comments. As hard as it may sound, no woman wants her man/husband to comment on her weight. We all would think that our men should/would love us the way we are as well as desire us the way we are. Yes, I gained weight and I liked the way it looked on me. However, my husband didn't. I've caught him looking at thinner, slender women and it bothers me. I guess the reason why I'm having such a problem with this is because my husband and I are trying to save our marriage. I found out about a year and a half ago that he cheated on me with a younger woman. Yes, I was devastated. We've gone to counseling and he's apologized and said it was only a one time thing with a woman he met online.
This morning I showed him some pills that I was going to order and his response was, "why are you looking for a lose weight fast pill when changing your eating habits and exercising is the way to do it?" Shoot me for trying. He even made mention last night to point out my eating habits. He cooked spaghetti for dinner and 5 minutes after taking my plate to the kitchen I walked back in the room with a bowl of cereal. I'm trying. I go to the gym 1 day a week but it's just hard to drop weight. I've asked him to loose weight with me and his response is that men loose weight much faster than women so he didn't want me to get upset when he started to drop weight faster than me. He said he would though.
No you are not trying.
If those pills would work, everybody would be slim.
1 day a week at the gym won't do anything.
What's up with that damn cereal?
Your husband is supportive and would even go on a diet with you. That's huge.
If I gain weight, I want my partner to tell me once I get out of shape. It would be a motivation to eat less.
When I start a diet, it doesn't include spaghetti, let alone cereal, or only working out once a week.
You won't lose weight, and that's not even trying.
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When I start a diet, it doesn't include spaghetti, let alone cereal, or only working out once a week.
You won't lose weight, and that's not even trying.
But for someone who's just starting out with trying to change habits, telling her that she has to work out five days a week for at least an hour might seem overwhelming and impossible. Starting out one day, then adding another as she feels better and more confident, then another day, then working out longer, etc. that may be something she can stick to.
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