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Apologies. I have skipped pages and pages of posts. Some insights. A recent poster mentioned "loving each other into heart disease, Type II diabetes, etc. That poster is dead right. I am a black church musician and when I played for black churches I would make at least as much money in funerals as in salary. Then I moved west and large black churches don't exist. It isn't easy but I have found church positions in all white churches. It was eye opening the difference in the number of funerals. Take a black church with ~350 members and you are playing for three funerals a month. A white church the same size... three funerals in a year! And those three people will be OLD.
IF the o.p.'s husband had said he was concerned for his wife's health that would be commendable. It's kind of sad that it is just aesthetics that is driving all this. Contrarian aesthetics. I've never known a brother who didn't appreciate booty. What's up with this guy, lol. But he is onto something. The o.p.'s eating habits are not sustainable. Metabolism slows with age and 150lbs today will be 220lbs in an unknown number of years from now. Then what?
There is a HUGE disconnect between most American's perceptions of what is height/weight proportional and what the medical community thinks is height/weight proportional. I am not sure why this should be. BMI (body mass index) statistics have been compiled over decades and are not just some evil conspiracy to punish the public. I bet money that the o.p.'s husband would not mind a modest 15 or 20 pounds above the 100lbs he met his sweetie at after 13 years. It's the 50lbs and the promise of more to come, that has him pushing back. The o.p. does not need to lose 50lbs. ANY weight reduction will reassure her mate that she cares and can keep the marriage on track.
And, yes, this isn't just about her. I don't know that his weight gain is significant yet. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. If it is, he should be called on it. That of course is difficult in the present situation. My wife and I meet at the gym after work three times a week. We weight train together and then do a half hour of cardo separately because we like different cardio. She swims or runs on treadmills. I prefer rowing machines or ellipticals. Occasionally we both do the ellipticals. Its togetherness time and fitness time all in one. Win/win. FWIW.
So you didn't have to wear shape wear to keep the flab in check. OP said her stuff falls out if she doesn't wear tightening clothes.
The op also has a small frame. She has to-that is the only way she would have been as thin as she was. Women with small frames generally will look much differently with extra weight than a woman with a medium or large frame would.
I know three women that all had small frames growing up and were incredibly thin. When they gained a lot of weight and were still within normal weight range they actually looked overweight even though they weren't. They also had rolls, back fat, and a lot of fat in undesirable places because the weight gain was unhealthy and drastic. Ironically all of these women were black women that couldn't wait to be thick but really did not look healthy or as good thick as they did thin. Their small frames looked better with minimal weight gain(I.e. Natural as they aged) but they did not look good too big.
My best friend was 5ft11 and 138 pounds and she was all skin and bones by the time she got to 190 her gut was hanging out over her belly, she had back fat, and get arms looked fatty. She didn't have protruding hips, thick toned thighs, a flat waist, and a distinguished whr the way she envisioned she would magically get if she ever got thick. Instead she just accumulated a lot of unhealthy fat and she did not carry it well.
I have never been thin-always average or slightly thick. But I'm a pear/hour glass with a large body frame. When I lost a lot of weight that would have looked great on someone else I looked horrible. I've never been thin and genetically I don't believe I am supposed to be thin. I look better at where I'm at now and no matter how much I desired to be thinner I knew and still know what looks and is healthy for myself. I am probably 5 pounds bigger than my small high school weight, 10 years later. Weight gain is natural. But if I were drastically smaller or bigger than I would look completely different. and as people age the metabolism slows down and weight gain becomes more possible and can be problematic especially for black women if they are not being healthy.
If she doesn't stop now she will look up and be much fatter than 150.
Taking better care of herself to offset the potential health risks that will certainly accumulate as she gets older, gets bigger and continues to lead an unhealthy life-will not only improve how she looks physically so that she no longer needs girdles and shapers but will also help her health in the future and probably improve her desirability for hubbie.
Those were her words? Or that she wears them to look slimmer and put together, which is the whole point of shape wear. Anything that isn't taut or flat will be "held in" until the girdle is removed, but it doesn't mean she has flab falling out. lol
Again, OP has contributed very little to this thread and we don't have a photo to see how she carries the weight. I'd hate to be in the OP's shoes.
Yes, the OP said she wore multiple pieces of shape wear under her clothes and her husband was ok with how she looked, just not when she let it loose of it's bindings.
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I am 5'11" and I would have a muffin top at 150lbs and not look pretty at all. Right now I am at 133 lbs which is okay, everything over 140 lbs would not look too much. I would need the shape wear the OP uses as well.
... and I work out 4x/week.
Op is not obese but overweight - she uses SHAPE WEAR to KEEP MEAT IN PLACE... doesn't that say it all??
5'11" at 133 pounds is skinny by most people's definition. 150 pounds might give you a "muffintop" but that is due to fit of the pants you wear, and how YOUR body distributes fat. Really cannot be compared to the OP. As far as "shapewear", it sounds like you don't really know how it is worn or why. I would never wear it as I cannot stand tight close-fitting garments. That doesn't mean that my appearance in certain clothes might not benefit from it. Heck in a really close-fitting dress I'm sure it would. For those that have very little body fat ( which it sounds like is your case) shapewear would most likely never have any impact on your appearance in close-fitting clothes.
I am 5'10, 145 and on some days 150. I don't wear any shapewear, though I am 40 years old and things naturally aren't as firm as they used to be. That is a perfect weight for my height and my frame. I'm half Brasilian - I have ample hips and butt and nothing will change that. The lowest size I ever wore was a 6.
OP needs to feel happy with herself, foremost. One of the best things my mother instilled me is a sense of self-confidence. My husband likes me for me and after 12+ years and children, we're still in lust and love.
The bottom line is that people change as they age - their looks change, their attitudes change, their bodies change, their hair changes, their libido changes, their politics and religion may even change, and if someone is so caught up in something very, very specific and very hard to maintain as the body ages, that person is still the person with the issue.
When a man trades in his spouse for a younger, shinier model we don't blame the woman for getting old. The OP gained weight that made her happy with how she looks and is by far healthier than a skeletal 100 lbs, you're all blaming her because she doesn't meet her husbands exacting standards. It is, indeed, ridiculous.
And for the record, no man is going to tell me how my hair and body are supposed to look, and if he had that kind of attitude I certainly wouldn't marry him. I'm sure there are plenty of men on here who feel exactly the same way.
I don't usally agree with your posts but in this case I do. We make a commitment when we marry "to death do you part" Obviously things like adultery, abuse and drugs/alcohol are exceptions but it makes someone look very shallow and selfish to throw off a spouse for some normal weight gain. I think we should almost expect our spouses to gain weight as we get older, and of course good youthful looks are eventually going to be lost. Being so ridged that you cannot accept this reality is the problem of people like the OP, not his poor wife. I also agree that 100 pounds is "skeletal" and nor really healthy.
I would love my wife and stay with here no matter what she weighs, as that is what I promised to do. Now if there was a weight gain that was dangerous I would try to convince her to deal with it. If the OP were talking about 100-150 pounds overweight this would be the case as morbid obesity is a serious danger to life itself. What the OP is talking about however is actually being closer to a normal weight than the 2x4 thin 100 pounds she weighted when he met her. Where she is now may be considered slightly over weight at 150, but she would be considered normal for most Americans. I think he should deal with it, hard for me to feel any sympathy for him here. I wonder if he looks the same as he did the day he met her??
The bottom line is that people change as they age - their looks change, their attitudes change, their bodies change, their hair changes, their libido changes, their politics and religion may even change, and if someone is so caught up in something very, very specific and very hard to maintain as the body ages, that person is still the person with the issue.
When a man trades in his spouse for a younger, shinier model we don't blame the woman for getting old. The OP gained weight that made her happy with how she looks and is by far healthier than a skeletal 100 lbs, you're all blaming her because she doesn't meet her husbands exacting standards. It is, indeed, ridiculous.
And for the record, no man is going to tell me how my hair and body are supposed to look, and if he had that kind of attitude I certainly wouldn't marry him. I'm sure there are plenty of men on here who feel exactly the same way.
that is the exact same thing from the opposite side.
Say your hubs suddenly changes his viewpoint and feels you are not up to his standards or the standard set by the marriage thus far and requires something changes in your realtionship.
Your husband is not meeting the requirements for you to remain involved so you can just find a new guy who will.
Last edited by rego00123; 10-20-2015 at 12:13 PM..
As I understand it, a 5'10" man should weigh 150lb, if small boned. I believe that a 5'10" woman could weigh 150lbs in some situations but she probably shouldn't...but 5'6"... ... we really are meant (by nature) to be rather skinny. IF one is going to add weight above the AMA guidelines it should be muscle, not fat. My wife has a BMI of around 24 and is 5'6" ~147lb. She scores excellent (as opposed to average) BMI because everything is muscle. A less muscular woman her height should weigh no more than ~120lbs. But no one runs around with skinfold calipers or digital scales all day long. I doubt the o.p.'s husband has any of those things in the bedroom checking daily. We know when we are too big by how we LOOK. If you have to ask... if you are having to defend yourself.... if you are having to play the 'unconditional love' card... ...
As I understand it, a 5'10" man should weigh 150lb, if small boned. I believe that a 5'10" woman could weigh 150lbs in some situations but she probably shouldn't...but 5'6"... ... we really are meant (by nature) to be rather skinny. IF one is going to add weight above the AMA guidelines it should be muscle, not fat. My wife has a BMI of around 24 and is 5'6" ~147lb. She scores excellent (as opposed to average) BMI because everything is muscle. A less muscular woman her height should weigh no more than ~120lbs. But no one runs around with skinfold calipers or digital scales all day long. I doubt the o.p.'s husband has any of those things in the bedroom checking daily. We know when we are too big by how we LOOK. If you have to ask... if you are having to defend yourself.... if you are having to play the 'unconditional love' card... ...
Your numbers are pretty far off. A woman of 5'6" should usually weigh more than 120lbs. That would be pretty skinny for that height.
Your numbers are pretty far off. A woman of 5'6" should usually weigh more than 120lbs. That would be pretty skinny for that height.
Should and do are different things. A 5'6" woman can weigh as little as 118lbs or as much as 154lbs. There is tremendous float in the BMI system but some weights are better than others depending on body composition. A woman who does not do weight training and has the usual 26% bodyfat should probably want to stay towards the lower end of the range. A woman that is much more muscular can, and will, be closer to the top of the range. We are supposed to be "pretty skinny". Very skinny actually. Curves are a recent (relatively) invention and ever since they came along... ...
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