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No, I am not afraid to leave. I am very lucky, and this is just adjusting, No one leaves after one or two disagreements. That is not a relationship.
At this point, we have chosen to not work on the ''purge'', it is exhausting for both of us. We will get back to it maybe after summer. There is so much, it is overwhelming. And we both work.
New relationships are different, after being with someone for fifty years. Nothing is simple. Or black and white.
No, I am not afraid to leave. I am very lucky, and this is just adjusting, No one leaves after one or two disagreements. That is not a relationship.
At this point, we have chosen to not work on the ''purge'', it is exhausting for both of us. We will get back to it maybe after summer. There is so much, it is overwhelming. And we both work.
New relationships are different, after being with someone for fifty years. Nothing is simple. Or black and white.
jasper, let me quote your own post from EXACTLY one year ago today:
Quote:
I have this issue with my BF...his wife has been dead two years. Her toothbrush is still in the bathroom, along with all of her make up and stuff. He still has everything. I told him....it is time...I am not giving him an ultimatum or anything...I just told him that it is not working for me any longer...we have been seeing each other for nine months. I said nothing before...but now...the issue is...whose toothbrush do you want in the bathroom?
He told me he never really noticed. Okay. No big deal. Now I mentioned it...and he can mull this over for several months. No rush.
His wife has now been dead for 3 years. And he can't pluck up the nerve to get rid of her stuff yet. Do you not see how very messed up this is? You've been dealing with this for over a year. It seems like you have as much difficulty letting go as he does.
Next week it will be 3 years since my husband passed away....I know I'm not ready to date yet so I don't... But I had to remove some of my husband's "stuff" so I could go on with my own life a little more...I don't want to see my husband's toothbrush and shaving apparatus every time I step into the bathroom...I got rid of my husband's clothes except for a few t-shirts that fit me...I don't think I could handle seeing non-stop "reminders" all around the house...I have to find a way to come into my "own." And I've removed the items for me. (Not to make room for someone new.).. Little by little I've had to push myself to "let go" and "move on" for my own mental health and peace of mind. I don't want to live in a "torture chamber." But of course I still love and miss my husband.
Sorry for your loss. Did your husband have a written will with that spelled out?
If so, he can't touch anything until the will is read.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sera
Youngest son informed me he's coming for his Dad's tools, that his Dad/My husband informed him
they were his when he died.
Know it is just "stuff", though am not ready to let go. Am surprised how this has become an issue. First
he treats me as if he cannot do enough for me, then when I question him, about coming from another state, saying I am not ready, well it isn't pleasant. Says he need them for his new business; well, what if his Dad were still alive? ! When I told him I wasn't ready, he replied Dad wouldn't want them to gather dust. (DH departed for Heaven in February, 2012)
Need all the wisdom I can get right now, if you have dealt with a similar situation would appreciate your
input. Thank you as always, this Forum has been a great comfort to me.
God is good; this too shall pass---and more shall be revealed!
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,574,783 times
Reputation: 8044
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona
Next week it will be 3 years since my husband passed away....I know I'm not ready to date yet so I don't... But I had to remove some of my husband's "stuff" so I could go on with my own life a little more...I don't want to see my husband's toothbrush and shaving apparatus every time I step into the bathroom...I got rid of my husband's clothes except for a few t-shirts that fit me...I don't think I could handle seeing non-stop "reminders" all around the house...I have to find a way to come into my "own." And I've removed the items for me. (Not to make room for someone new.).. Little by little I've had to push myself to "let go" and "move on" for my own mental health and peace of mind. I don't want to live in a "torture chamber." But of course I still love and miss my husband.
It has been 3 1/2 years since my husband died, and it has only been in the last six months that I have really been able to let go. I finally gave most of his clothes to Goodwill, but kept some of his t-shirts and sweatshirts that fit me. I also kept about six dress shirts (short sleeved) that I had bought him and were favorites. Kind of like keeping a baby blanket. It's comforting. I did get rid of his personal hygiene items as I had no need for them and they certainly weren't sentimental. I have kept most all of his jewelry, knick-knacks, books, high school and college yearbooks, things that I think the kids might get a kick out of seeing someday, things that mean the world to me, or things that I can use like his camera.
Keeping really personal items--toiletries and personal hygiene items after three years is over the top. I can understand keeping them for a year, maybe, but living in the past or keeping the house exactly as it was when his wife died is definitely not healthy. He needs some counselling and needs to accept that his wife is gone and she's not coming back. He can let go. It's time.
I haven't cleaned out Earl's bathroom cabinet. I just leave it be. I noticed one time when I opened it to get a Zyertec, I was shocked that I "smelled him". I never had taken notice that his cologne was in there. So now once in a while I open it to "smell him". I wear his slippers and socks. If I could fit into his clothes like I used to, I'd have lots of his clothes to wear. I could have saved his leathers.
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DENIAL.
