Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've been thinking a lot about this subject and what everyone has written. I don't think I need to reinvent myself, I just need to discover totally who I am.....without Jim. And that is a true learning process, at least for me.
I have had a sense of peace come over me lately....I think God is at work here....and reading what you all are writing....but the desire to "date," even on a casual/occasional basis....is of no interest to me anymore. That may change someday, but for now, I still feel married, wear my ring, and can only be true to one man.
For many of our married years, Jim was on the road driving truck, and I was home, waiting for him. Now, as corny as it may sound, I feel like he is on a long, long trip....and I know I will see him again someday. That is good for me now.
Your posts continue to inspire and encourage me, and your words speak volumes. Thank you to my brother and sisters! You are cherished!
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,570,310 times
Reputation: 8044
I still wear my rings, too, three years later. I feel like they're a shield protecting me from any unwanted advances. Since I'm not "on the market" so to speak, I don't want anyone looking at me as if I'm available, so they're my protection. I wore them for so long, they mean something so intensely special to me, and they're a way of carrying Bob's love with me. My engagement diamond was my maternal grandmother's engagement diamond. It's really small, but so meaningful. My grandfather got the ring when he was in Europe during WWI as a Chaplain in the Army. When he got home, he proposed to my grandmother who had waited for him back in her hometown, and they spent their lives in Chicago where he was the Minister at Bryn Mawr Church, then later at Park Central Presbyterian in Syracuse. So, Bob's love in my wedding ring, my grandmother's diamond which was given to her in love...no reason to take them off. Ever. Unless the Sultan of Brunei comes calling....with no prenup and no heirs.....
I've enjoyed reading all your posts. Thanks!.. I don't feel quite so "alone" when I come here or "odd" because I don't want to date yet...I feel like I need an "incubation period" before I rush right out into the world and make "new choices" or "major changes."...So I'm giving myself this time right now. I have a flag up outside my door that says "in transition." And: "Don't expect too much from me right now!" (Just teasing about the flag but this is how I feel!)...I honestly don't know "who I am" or what I might want for myself quite yet. And I don't want to pressure myself to "know" or "act" before I'm ready...I agree with tngirl. It's all part of a process.
I understand the "peace" feeling, tn. I wonder if it has something to do with the year anniversary of Jim's death coming up? I know January seemed to be a turning point of some sort for me. Jim died in April, right? I want to say it was on my b'day but I may be incorrect about that. Jim is just at that big Truck Stop waiting for you.
Marcy, I feel as you do. My rings are my "protection" too now. Earl vowed to protect me when he placed my wedding ring on my finger and he is still doing so. I'm not legally married anymore either but those rings show I am still married to the man I love.
CA, you should have known for a long time none of us think of you as "odd". You are just like the rest of us, no matter how many times you or we change our minds or stay the same. We are all in transition. That may come soon or it may take the rest of our lives. Who knows? What is important is we can all come here and voice ourselves to one another without predjudice or fear of name calling.
I understand the "peace" feeling, tn. I wonder if it has something to do with the year anniversary of Jim's death coming up? I know January seemed to be a turning point of some sort for me. Jim died in April, right? I want to say it was on my b'day but I may be incorrect about that. Jim is just at that big Truck Stop waiting for you.
Marcy, I feel as you do. My rings are my "protection" too now. Earl vowed to protect me when he placed my wedding ring on my finger and he is still doing so. I'm not legally married anymore either but those rings show I am still married to the man I love.
CA, you should have known for a long time none of us think of you as "odd". You are just like the rest of us, no matter how many times you or we change our minds or stay the same. We are all in transition. That may come soon or it may take the rest of our lives. Who knows? What is important is we can all come here and voice ourselves to one another without predjudice or fear of name calling.
Great post, tami....and thanks for understanding. Jim died April 1, so just one month away from the first anniversary. I like what you said about him being at the big Truck Stop waiting for me.
I also agree about my ring being my "protection," I never thought of it that way, but how true it is. We have matching wide bands with a filigree design; I have received many compliments over the years on how pretty it is. Of course I have Jim's in my special "Jim's box" of things.
I had that exact "peace" feeling today! In fact I was driving and I was talking to Bob and said that I was feeling good, and that I could "do this". I have mixed feelings about my ring. I know I will take it off someday. I guess I will know when that time comes.
In one week will be the date that his diagnosis came in. I feel that is my one year of loss.
Bluff...Great that you didn't have to deal with heavy snow or blizzards...I honestly don't expect to get married again. It's not on my list of "goals." But I guess it's probably best to never say "never." (And keep somewhat of an open mind as you mentioned.)...My husband's Mom was on her own for 30-plus years after her husband passed-away and never dated..She pursued her interests and created a nice life for herself...When she retired she took a lot of trips (and cruises) with her best friend and had fun...The thought of dating or searching for someone "new" never popped into my Dad's head after my Mom passed-away...I can't imagine my Mom wanting to date if my Dad had died first..My Grandma never dated after my Grandpa passed away...I guess I feel like I had the "great love of my life" with my husband. And I enjoy holding on to our "bond" and love and decades of memories together. (At least for now anyway.) How do you (and others) feel about it?...I'm not normally a "mushy/gushy" kind of person. But the love (and "like") that I felt for my husband seems to "live-on" and transcend death.
I am not ignoring you CA, I started two other messages and didn't like either so deleted them. I don't think I have glorified my wifes memories as Tami indicated we might. I still recall the times we didn't agree on issues. I feel that you have expierenced more grief than most of us and possibly will take longer to get back to normal. JMO It has now been five years for me and I am just now feeling normal, what ever that will be for me.
Tami...Sorry for any confusion. I was talking about feeling "odd" in normal life...I know some people wonder why I don't consider dating now... But the friends who wonder why I'm not dating (yet) still have their husbands. They aren't widows like we are.
Bluff...Just write when "spirit moves you" and it feels right..Thanks for caring. Glad you are doing better now...It is weird for me at times. My husband and sons and the rest of my family (and most of my cats too) are all on the other "side." And I'm "here" all by myself...I think all couples run into some "rough seas" at times. But what counts is how we choose to "weather" the "storms." Don't you think?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
