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If I were her I'd be maxing out his credit card on trips to Hawaii and any other place I wanted to go to. A person like him will screw her over in a divorce. You say he's already hidden money with his brothers which she will have an impossible time getting back. When it comes up in a divorce that he has impregnated employees and patients he will likely lose his license and income and end up in jail (he probably already knows this) so she will be screwed over yet again. Time to take care of herself in a practical way after putting up with all this insult and injury.
Well yeah, that would work, if she wasn't the kind of person who "doesn't want to soil her name". The thing of it is, behavior like this can backfire. As his spouse, she should be entitled to 1/2 of their assets. Unfortunately, the spouse is also liable for 1/2 the credit card debts as well, aren't they?
I know he's untrusthworthy but like I said, I can't forget he slept right next to my room when I was a kid. Besides, I really have never seen him do anything creepy when it comes to the grandkids. Just the normal contact you would expect from a grandfather.
David. Your dad is an ass. He is a terrible role model. He treats your mom like crap. He doesn't respect you at all. HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY THINK HE WOULD BE A GOOD INFLUENCE ON YOUR CHILDREN?
You seem afraid of him and in awe of him as well for some weird reason. You said your grandfather is leaving the bulk of his inheritance to you and your siblings, stepping over your dad basically. Your dad is already dismissive of you and your feelings and opinions. How do you think he's going to react when THIS happens? In other words, do you think things are going to get better, or get worse, over the years?
You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain by sitting him down and having a MAN TO MAN talk with him - a dignified, quiet talk. You may not be able to get thru to him (in fact, I almost guarantee that you won't), but you will gain respect from other people - your mother, your kids, and most importantly, yourself.
Don't you think it's PAST TIME for your family to stop letting this bully push you around? Aren't you tired of it yet? I swear, I think whatever ails your mother ails you as well. She probably justified keeping him around and taking his abuse all these years by telling herself that it was "better for the kids" to have him around. Do you APPRECIATE that? Do you think your dad's a great guy? Do you think she set a good example by allowing him to emotionally abuse her - and the rest of the family?
My ex husband was very much like your dad. Notice I said EX husband. I made the very difficult decision to divorce him when my kids were young. We went through some difficult times together because divorce is hard, especially when the kids are 10, 8, 6 and 4. It took awhile to sort out everyone's emotions, but it was SO worth it. My kids, ESPECIALLY MY GIRLS, are very grateful to me for divorcing that cad of a dad, even though at the time it was very fearful to them. And I know I took a stand for what was right.
I knew that if I didn't stand up for our rights, my girls would probably grow up to marry someone like him, and my boys would probably be like him. And I didn't know which was worse.
Doing the right thing is usually harder than doing the wrong thing. Man up.
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 07-21-2013 at 09:38 AM..
David, the thing of it is, you need to remind your father that it IS your business, because she IS your mother. Clearly, your father isn't a man who gives a crap about protecting his wife, so that falls on your shoulders, as her son. Someone needs to stand up for her. Be the kind of son who will stand up for his mother. If you really care, as much as you claim to care on here.....you'll stand up for her. Don't just complain and vent about it....DO something about it.
I can't describe you how much I care about my mother, she's the most important person in my life after all. I told her she should take action to get a divorce and she at least said she'll think about it. She usually dismissed it completely. Let's see how it goes.
Of course she would never have financial difficulties because she has 3 sons to help her-
I'm not condoning him in every way but I've to say something when people here are suggesting he's a potential pedophile. He never touched me or my brothers with a finger besides beatings.
Davidjk,
Based on what you've posted on this thread, I definitely wouldn't say that your father is a PEDOPHILE because those sexual exploits were with willing adults. However, I would suggest not to dismiss those posters who have brought up the issue of pedophilia. You don't know the experiences of the posters. Some of them very well could know a lot more about what can and does happen in family situations similar to yours. Your father has never sexually touched you and your brothers, which is great. Do you have any sisters? Can they say the same? Some pedophiles will molest and/or rape children of either gender while other pedophiles get sexually excited for only one gender. I've known of personally of a few cases where there was a young boy and young girl in the home but the man in the family only molested the girl(s) and never the boy. When the mother was away at work, usually the boy was sent outside to play or to do some errand by the man so that it would give the man time to be alone with the young girl with no one else around.
Again, not saying that your father is a pedophile. However, as other posters have pointed out based on his sexual behavior which he has been acting on for decades now even to the point of engaging in unethical or illegal circumstances (in some cases) it is not out of the realm of possibilities that the door of the downward spiral of looking for new sexual "excitement", "conquests", or "experiences: has happened: child molestation and/or rape. Your nieces (his grand-daughters) could be in danger of becoming, if not already, younger versions of his "hottie" female patients and assistants, in his mind. Just saying...
I don't have any sisters or nieces. We're all men. The thought of him getting turned on over kids is simply revolves my stomach. He's a bastard but it's hard to imagine him as a criminal.
His hot female patients got involved with him on their own free will.
David, please make sure that ALL of you boys let her know that, please! She is going to need the support and love of all of her boys, if she's going to get out from under her "abuser". It's highly likely that your mom can have a new and better life, but it's clearly going to take a lot of encouragement from the very young men who watched her suffer, because of his cruel and selfish behavior. It warms my heart to see how much you care about your mom. You're a good son, David.
I don't have any sisters or nieces. We're all men. The thought of him getting turned on over kids is simply revolves my stomach. He's a bastard but it's hard to imagine him as a criminal.
His hot female patients got involved with him on their own free will.
David. Your dad IS a criminal already. You have told us that he's hidden assets under his brothers' names (that's a criminal act). You have told us that he sleeps with his patients, which is also unethical and a criminal act. Adultery itself is technically against the law in most states.
There is simply no telling what other laws and standards of conduct this horrible man has broken over the decades. Get your kids away from him.
As for your mom, I agree that you and your brothers should let her know that you are willing to help her. That is, help her LEAVE him. But you need to face the fact that she is getting something she needs and wants out of this travesty of a relationship and until she is willing to give that up, she won't leave.
I think you also need to face the fact that she's really done no one any favors by staying. Your family is a mess, and her compliance and lack of common sense manifested by her staying and being basically a doormat for decades has contributed to the sorrow and emotional baggage that you and your siblings have been forced to carry.
You are an adult now. You can put that bag down. But it takes more strength to do that than it does to carry it.
Once you are free of it though, I promise you, you will never want to pick it up again!
David. Your dad is an ass. He is a terrible role model. He treats your mom like crap. He doesn't respect you at all. HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY THINK HE WOULD BE A GOOD INFLUENCE ON YOUR CHILDREN?
You seem afraid of him and in awe of him as well for some weird reason. You said your grandfather is leaving the bulk of his inheritance to you and your siblings, stepping over your dad basically. Your dad is already dismissive of you and your feelings and opinions. How do you think he's going to react when THIS happens? In other words, do you think things are going to get better, or get worse, over the years?
You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain by sitting him down and having a MAN TO MAN talk with him - a dignified, quiet talk. You may not be able to get thru to him (in fact, I almost guarantee that you won't), but you will gain respect from other people - your mother, your kids, and most importantly, yourself.
Don't you think it's PAST TIME for your family to stop letting this bully push you around? Aren't you tired of it yet? I swear, I think whatever ails your mother ails you as well. She probably justified keeping him around and taking his abuse all these years by telling herself that it was "better for the kids" to have him around. Do you APPRECIATE that? Do you think your dad's a great guy? Do you think she set a good example by allowing him to emotionally abuse her - and the rest of the family?
My ex husband was very much like your dad. Notice I said EX husband. I made the very difficult decision to divorce him when my kids were young. We went through some difficult times together because divorce is hard, especially when the kids are 10, 8, 6 and 4. It took awhile to sort out everyone's emotions, but it was SO worth it. My kids, ESPECIALLY MY GIRLS, are very grateful to me for divorcing that cad of a dad, even though at the time it was very fearful to them. And I know I took a stand for what was right.
I knew that if I didn't stand up for our rights, my girls would probably grow up to marry someone like him, and my boys would probably be like him. And I didn't know which was worse.
Doing the right thing is usually harder than doing the wrong thing. Man up.
First of all, I don't have children. Only nephews.
I could try to speak with him, not sure what to say besides that he's a bastard and doesn't deserve the family he has got. Ironically, he was very lucky with us. Always good students, never got into trouble, etc. I always tell my mother she doesn't have to live like this for the rest of her days. She could have 20 or more years of a good life ahead of her. If not with someone else, at least happy on her own.
My father will obviously be pissed when he finds out what my grandfather put on his will. They never got along anyway and I'm glad my grandpa is a fantastic guy. He knows his son very well and he likes my mother to bits, that's why he did what he did.
I'm the son he likes the least though, because I'm the youngest and I was a mistake. He spent 5 months trying to convince my mother to get an abortion and when I was born he even said I clearly wasn't his. I'm the splitting image of him 30 years younger.
The good thing is that my brothers are nothing like him. They get along very well with their partners (they live together but not married) and it's not even fair to compare them as fathers to my our own father. They do everything with their kids. My father would find it disgusting to even touch us with a finger.
David, please make sure that ALL of you boys let her know that, please! She is going to need the support and love of all of her boys, if she's going to get out from under her "abuser". It's highly likely that your mom can have a new and better life, but it's clearly going to take a lot of encouragement from the very young men who watched her suffer, because of his cruel and selfish behavior. It warms my heart to see how much you care about your mom. You're a good son, David.
She can always count on us because he could and can always count on her. I've told her now it's her time to be selfish and take care of her life.
I don't have any sisters or nieces. We're all men. The thought of him getting turned on over kids is simply revolves my stomach. He's a bastard but it's hard to imagine him as a criminal.
His hot female patients got involved with him on their own free will.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
David. Your dad IS a criminal already. You have told us that he's hidden assets under his brothers' names (that's a criminal act). You have told us that he sleeps with his patients, which is also unethical and a criminal act. Adultery itself is technically against the law in most states.
I think it would still be cruel to separate the boys from their grandfather.
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