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I don't remember them ever sleeping together. That's what I've told her as well, she should live her life and see other people. She was so offended she could almost hit me. She said "Who do you think I am?! I keep my name clean."
Unfortunately, you can't help people who won't help themselves.
Your father sounds like a horror. He's projecting his own infidelities onto your mother. I'm going to suggest narcissism or sociopathy. Either one is unfixable - I would continue to try to get your mother to leave him, or at least help her develop a plan to do so. There are worse things in life than being alone - like living with an emotionally abusive narcissist/sociopath to the end of your days.
Also consider this: Your father has built himself into a heroic image in the eyes of his grandchildren. That's why he has a good relationship with them: They adore him unquestioningly.
You and your brothers should all think carefully about the damage he will do when they start to question him. He is not a man who knows how to love in a healthy way. Be aware that when those relationships with his grandchildren go sour, you and your brothers will be left to pick up the pieces.
My mother used my father's laptop the other day and found his email open. She saw several emails with highly sexual content and many of them were answers to escort ads.
They had a huge argument and my father said he also had reasons to doubt her. He said he was always suspicious about me (I'm the younger son and the one he likes the least). Therefore he wants a paternity test done on me and my brothers as well.
He's 65 and she's 57. She keeps crying and doesn't know what to do. I know what she should do but she has never left him. In the past he has got two of his assistants and three of his patients pregnant but he always managed to convince them to have an abortion.
Women, any suggestion? I'm okay with the paternity test, there's no way I'm not his son. The nose, the eyes, the mouth are copies of his. I even have the same birth mark in the chest.
Wow, in the first place - you shouldn't have been put in the middle of this mess.
Your father clearly has issues and this marriage has been a bad one for a LONG time though, so no one should be surprised by recent events, especially your mother.
Hard to believe she doesn't really know what to do , but if she is co-dependent it makes sense that she's a bit paralyzed right now.
Don't continue to be involved beyond encouraging her to see a therapist immediately and to make an appt with a lawyer.
You can't "fix" her.
You can't "save" her.
SHE has to WANT to save and fix herself.
Tell her that, continue to be loving and caring, but refuse to be drug into this any further.
I guess I'm having trouble understanding how you aren't angry at his treatment of your mother. I mean, yes, your parents' marriage is between them, but nothing about seeing his sex tape with another woman when you were at the tender age of 13 stirred up any rage at all? It just doesn't seem normal to me. It sounds like there is more to this story than we're getting here.
All I know is that most teenagers get really angry at parents who cheat and parents who are emotional abusers of the other parent, especially when it's the father who is cheating and the mother who is being abused. Are you maybe not bonded with your mother?
Of course I'm angry at him! I was absolutely disgusted by the video and couldn't look at him in the face anymore after that. I didn't show it to my mother because I didn't want arguments. I later realised she had seen the video long before I did.
Not bonded to my mother? I absolutely love my mother! She was the one who took care of us because we could never count on him. He would go out at night whenever he could and would never change his lifestyle or move a finger to help us.
They pretty much try to do the same as I do. Convince her to get out of this. They have more contact with him than I do because of the grandchildren. They are obviously disgusted by his actions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
Also consider this: Your father has built himself into a heroic image in the eyes of his grandchildren. That's why he has a good relationship with them: They adore him unquestioningly.
You and your brothers should all think carefully about the damage he will do when they start to question him. He is not a man who knows how to love in a healthy way. Be aware that when those relationships with his grandchildren go sour, you and your brothers will be left to pick up the pieces.
I've thought about it as well but I want to believe he really cares about the grandkids. He takes them swimming, horseriding, they ask him to make drawings for them (he draws really well), etc. Besides, he obviously gives them whatever they want.
Wow, in the first place - you shouldn't have been put in the middle of this mess.
Your father clearly has issues and this marriage has been a bad one for a LONG time though, so no one should be surprised by recent events, especially your mother.
Hard to believe she doesn't really know what to do , but if she is co-dependent it makes sense that she's a bit paralyzed right now.
Don't continue to be involved beyond encouraging her to see a therapist immediately and to make an appt with a lawyer.
You can't "fix" her.
You can't "save" her.
SHE has to WANT to save and fix herself.
Tell her that, continue to be loving and caring, but refuse to be drug into this any further.
I know she's the only one who can do something about it. I've tried to have a heart to heart talk with him but it's impossible. He says it's none of my business and he's always right.
She guarantees me he has never laid a hand on her and I truly want to believe it.
I know she's the only one who can do something about it. I've tried to have a heart to heart talk with him but it's impossible. He says it's none of my business and he's always right.
She guarantees me he has never laid a hand on her and I truly want to believe it.
You can't have a "heart to heart" with someone who has no heart
Seriously, your dad is a control freak - nothing you could ever say would change him.
And he is right about one thing, their marriage is none of your business - even though I do understand why you would want to help your mother.
Still, it's not your job or your place to rescue her from him under these circumstances.
Encourage her to make an appt with a therapist tomorrow, first thing, then drive her there if you have to. But quit trying to talk to either of them about their mess of a marriage.
You can't have a "heart to heart" with someone who has no heart
Seriously, your dad is a control freak - nothing you could ever say would change him.
And he is right about one thing, their marriage is none of your business - even though I do understand why you would want to help your mother.
Still, it's not your job or your place to rescue her from him under these circumstances.
Encourage her to make an appt with a therapist tomorrow, first thing, then drive her there if you have to. But quit trying to talk to either of them about their mess of a marriage.
Best of luck.
I'll try to mention the therapist issue. I know I can't change him but I hope he regrets what he done one day.
The only thing that scarred him was when one my brothers questioned if he should allow him to see his kids.
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, but if she is co-dependent it makes sense that she's a bit paralyzed right now.
