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Personally I think it's nice to spread a bit of cheer around if you're feeling it, but no one should feel obliged to do so or be put on the spot by some pushy stranger.
Totally agree. People aren't trained monkeys for others' amusement. Why would someone want an insincere smile from a stranger anyway?
The purpose of this thread is NOT to tell people who are happy and smile naturally to stop doing that. It's not to criticize you if you happen to like and allow strangers to comment on your presence in public places. What would be our motivation in that? Our purpose in this discussion is to tell people that many of us do not appreciate people who can't seem to MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS. No commenting on someone else's body parts, including expressions.
Your comments are usually quite intelligent and perceptive. But you're missing the boat here. This discussion isn't about your lovely smile or spreading happiness throughout the land. The problem being discussed here IS a problem — to people who feel besieged by other humans telling them what position or condition any of their body parts should be in.
You are probably a good-looking person. Perhaps you are used to positive attention and you've grown to accept it and obviously you have no problem with it. But many people do not have your life experience and do NOT appreciate it. We're not going to be talked into thinking someone intruding our our personal space is OK based on your perceptions.
I read your comments on many C-D threads and I know you are sensitive enough to understand why it's not appropriate to walk up to a stranger and say:
"You should lose weight."
"If you stood up straight you'd look like a model."
"There are dentists who could fix your teeth."
"If you got breast implants you'd be really hot."
There's not much difference between that and the order to smile. My facial expression is my own. It's related to my emotions. No one has the right to tell me what to do with it. If you disagree, grin away. Rest assured I won't make any remarks — because that would be INAPPROPRIATE.
Yes, of course I am sensitive enough to realize that comments made from strangers are normally unwelcome.
And if you've read my comments you may have noticed I always go off on those that criticize the overweight because I myself am overweight. Always have been, although I have a "great personality and am very approachable", even fatties like to be told something positive.
Maybe that's why I took issue with this, because it seems like a positive compliment to me. I guess because every morning I have to show my ID at the gate and in one of the entry points, the same gentleman always comments about my smile.
Sorry if I rubbed some of you the wrong way. After all, we are strangers, and that would also be inappropriate. LOL
I'm usually very tolerant and even welcoming of pleasant interacation between strangers. I don't find random compliments creepy and I enjoyed flirtatious banter when I was younger.
But I occasionally got the "where's your smile?" type questions or comments from strangers and it always p!ssed me off and made me think, "If I felt like smiling, I would be smiling. Clearly I don't, so why would you suggest I should?" If I'm out minding my own business I don't have any duty to put others at ease about anything.
Maybe that's why I took issue with this, because it seems like a positive compliment to me. I guess because every morning I have to show my ID at the gate and in one of the entry points, the same gentleman always comments about my smile.
I agree that being complimented on one's smile is a positive thing. But being asked to smile by a stranger is totally condescending.
I'm having trouble getting why people keep referring to it as a compliment or don't understand why some believe it's a command and that concerns me more than it happening lol Are we just defining words differently today or are we ignoring what they actually mean to accommodate opinions?
If someone said to me, "You should put your hair up", I wouldn't take that as a compliment on my hair just because they mentioned my hair. Where, exactly, is the compliment? A compliment is a positive remark expressing your like or approval of something. Nothing in that statement says or even implies that they like my hair or that they find me attractive. There's nothing positive in the remark at all.
If anything, it sounds like the opposite - like they're making the point that my hair is inadequate as it is, which would be an insult. Unless you're thinking of it as a backhanded compliment (i.e. you'd be really cute if your hair wasn't f-cked up), which isn't really a compliment... but maybe you take a "half glass full" approach to it, who knows.
I don't see this "smile" thing as being any different. Telling someone to smile isn't a compliment on their smile just because they mentioned it. That'd be like telling someone they have a stupid face and them taking it as a "compliment" because it means you noticed their face.
Sure, you noticed it but what you noticed is that it's stupid just like what these men noticed was that you're not smiling to a degree they find acceptable or otherwise becoming of you. How that's a compliment is beyond me - and if that's not what they meant, why be so resistant to finding another way to express what they did mean?
Why argue the point and try to force women who object to interpret it the way you want them to instead of accepting the way they take it? Why does it always have to boil down to a woman taking something too seriously just because she makes it clear that it's something she doesn't like and is at least smart enough to articulate why instead of just saying, "I dunno, I just don't like it, eww, cweepy, meow meow"?
I'd get the whole thing about it being a roundabout way of trying to let a woman know that you've taken an interest in her appearance and feel that such a pretty girl shouldn't have such a long face or whatever else except that you're grown men, not elementary school kids. Communication shouldn't escape you.
A little boy maybe pulls your hair because he likes you and hasn't learned yet how to properly express that or even what "liking" means. An adult should know how to compliment a woman or show interest in her without telling/suggesting/hinting at her doing/changing something. I don't see why that's so hard just like some don't see why anyone cares this much lol
If someone said to me, "You should put your hair up", I wouldn't take that as a compliment on my hair just because they mentioned my hair. Where, exactly, is the compliment?
I guess I do see this with my beer stein half-full. Here's the compliments I take from this:
*Your hair must be gorgeous, would look good up in cascading curls
*Your neck must be long and elongated, giving you a graceful appearance when the nape of your neck is exposed
* You must have good checkbones and people want to see more of your face.
I'm having trouble getting why people keep referring to it as a compliment or don't understand why some believe it's a command and that concerns me more than it happening lol Are we just defining words differently today or are we ignoring what they actually mean to accommodate opinions?
If someone said to me, "You should put your hair up", I wouldn't take that as a compliment on my hair just because they mentioned my hair. Where, exactly, is the compliment? A compliment is a positive remark expressing your like or approval of something. Nothing in that statement says or even implies that they like my hair or that they find me attractive. There's nothing positive in the remark at all.
If anything, it sounds like the opposite - like they're making the point that my hair is inadequate as it is, which would be an insult. Unless you're thinking of it as a backhanded compliment (i.e. you'd be really cute if your hair wasn't f-cked up), which isn't really a compliment... but maybe you take a "half glass full" approach to it, who knows.
I don't see this "smile" thing as being any different. Telling someone to smile isn't a compliment on their smile just because they mentioned it. That'd be like telling someone they have a stupid face and them taking it as a "compliment" because it means you noticed their face.
Sure, you noticed it but what you noticed is that it's stupid just like what these men noticed was that you're not smiling to a degree they find acceptable or otherwise becoming of you. How that's a compliment is beyond me - and if that's not what they meant, why be so resistant to finding another way to express what they did mean?
Why argue the point and try to force women who object to interpret it the way you want them to instead of accepting the way they take it? Why does it always have to boil down to a woman taking something too seriously just because she makes it clear that it's something she doesn't like and is at least smart enough to articulate why instead of just saying, "I dunno, I just don't like it, eww, cweepy, meow meow"?
I'd get the whole thing about it being a roundabout way of trying to let a woman know that you've taken an interest in her appearance and feel that such a pretty girl shouldn't have such a long face or whatever else except that you're grown men, not elementary school kids. Communication shouldn't escape you.
A little boy maybe pulls your hair because he likes you and hasn't learned yet how to properly express that or even what "liking" means. An adult should know how to compliment a woman or show interest in her without telling/suggesting/hinting at her doing/changing something. I don't see why that's so hard just like some don't see why anyone cares this much lol
^^^This, for sure. The important part of communication is what is understood, not what was intended.
I guess I do see this with my beer stein half-full. Here's the compliments I take from this:
*Your hair must be gorgeous, would look good up in cascading curls
*Your neck must be long and elongated, giving you a graceful appearance when the nape of your neck is exposed
* You must have good checkbones and people want to see more of your face.
LOL
I have received "compliments" like this, and what I hear is "You would look good if (whatever), but you sure don't look good now!" If you think I have pretty hair, then say so. If you think I have a cute face, then say so. Do not offer suggestions on how to improve my train wreck of an appearance. That's just rude, and it isn't going to get you very far.
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