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Eh. I do understand where you're coming from. I understand focusing on school and not yet being employed. I understand having a couple of drinks at 19 in college (even though, yes, it's illegal and you could certainly get in trouble for it...I am not naive and I know that it will happen). And I understand that the relationship you have with your cousin has a weird dynamic. Grounding you is ridiculous. Yes, yes, I know you're not paying rent. But that doesn't have anything to do with this and it's still ridiculous.
However, I think you have the power to change a bit of this. I don't know why she cares if you make your bed (assuming it's in a separate bedroom and she can't see it). That's silly. But you SHOULD be doing chores, simply because that's what a capable human being does. You can't just live in a house with other people and not contribute to the upkeep. I get that you're frustrated with her being "in charge" of the chores, but let me tell you: if you take it upon yourself to do your share of dish-washing, vacuuming, and cleaning, she won't have to say a word. In fact, if I were you, I would feel compelled to do more than my share, because she IS paying the rent (and presumably working for that money).
As far as studying and eating healthfully, let me just tell you, as a college graduate: it will serve you well to do these things. Your life will end up in a better state because of it. But it IS silly for her to nag you about it. That's not her responsibility. But really, do it anyway. You'll be glad you did.
i'm fine with the reg. chores, its the added chores and the no TV or phone for 2 weeks that I have a problem with. There wasn't even a discussion it was " You drank? You're grounded"
Again, her apt - her rules.
As others have said, when you can pay your own way in life completely, THEN you get to make your own rules.
i'm fine with the reg. chores, its the added chores and the no TV or phone for 2 weeks that I have a problem with. There wasn't even a discussion it was " You drank? You're grounded"
It's her TV. It's her phone. You own nothing. You pay for nothing. Everything she chooses to share with you is a gift. You have no rights and no entitlement to anything. Get the picture?
There was a discussion when she explained the rules for her house. If you chose to live there after she explained the rules, that's agreeing to abide by them. That's all the discussion that was needed.
If you don't like it? Move out. Something tells me you won't because you probably realize you have it a lot cushier than you would working 40 hours a week to pay for a cheap room and no extras, but expecting to be given everything and not have to follow the rules of the person paying for you is just ridiculous.
i'm fine with the reg. chores, its the added chores and the no TV or phone for 2 weeks that I have a problem with. There wasn't even a discussion it was " You drank? You're grounded"
Part of me agrees that she is being a bit over reaching here. On the other hand, her house, her rules. And I bet your folks have given her this kind of authority and since they are paying for your schooling, I really don't see a thing you can do about it other than grin and bear it. And do what she says.
Admittedly, the making up your bed part gets me, too. We don't do that here and we're twice your aae.... or so.
@kitkat. I suppose your also okay with her giving an opinion on the girls I go on dates with and asking me for syllabuses so she can stay on top of me academically? Before I can bring a girl over, my cousin has to meet her first and ( on her own time) look on the girl's twitter and Facebook
When people stay with you, even for free, they don't own the life of the people who are staying.
They can set the rules of the apartment, but those rules end at the apartment. So you can say no coming back drunk, or no coming back high on drugs. And you can say that if the people don't live a lifestyle that you wish to support, they'll be out on their own.
But you cannot ground and punish people who are legal adults and staying at your house for living a lifestyle that is not the idea of your own. He's a legal adult and it is his right to make decisions - including bad ones. And college is the time that a person learns good decisions to make and learns consequences of bad decisions.
Essentially, the cousin is being a helicopter cousin and not allowing the kid to develop on his own. He/she needs to allow him to do that.
First of all the drinking age is 21 in the State of Illinois.
After that you are legal age and she cannot legally ground you or keep you in the apartment against your will however,
she is paying all the bills and you did do something illegal.
It sounds like she is also your caretaker while there so your choice is to follow her rules OR
Get a job and move Moderator cut: snip out of her place and make it on your own while going to school.
Moderator cut: snip
Last edited by 7G9C4J2; 10-29-2013 at 12:16 PM..
Reason: Removed unnecessary remark
When people stay with you, even for free, they don't own the life of the people who are staying.
They can set the rules of the apartment, but those rules end at the apartment. So you can say no coming back drunk, or no coming back high on drugs. And you can say that if the people don't live a lifestyle that you wish to support, they'll be out on their own.
But you cannot ground and punish people who are legal adults and staying at your house for living a lifestyle that is not the idea of your own. He's a legal adult and it is his right to make decisions - including bad ones. And college is the time that a person learns good decisions to make and learns consequences of bad decisions.
Essentially, the cousin is being a helicopter cousin and not allowing the kid to develop on his own. He/she needs to allow him to do that.
He is not "staying" with her, he is LIVING with her - big difference.
You are right, adults do not give visiting adults rules to live by.
But he is not a functioning adult.
He's a college kid who is drinking underage and not staying on top of his college work.
His parents obviously felt he needed supervision to put him in this kind of living arrangement.
From his responses on this thread I can see why they would feel that way.
i wouldn't have a problem if these were rules my parents gave her, but these rules are her idea and its odd. Why creep on a girl I'm just trying to have a nice time with?
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