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No offense, my marriage works just fine. You don't have to believe me.
So how many sacrifices is enough, before the legacy dad leaves his wife and kids is, "what a doormat!" Would a compromise...where both the OP and his wife agree to maybe an every-other-year schedule...be an honorable sacrifice by both parties?
I hear that sentiment a lot when having conversations about childhood with my friends. "dad let everyone walk all over him" or "mom just let dad go off with his golf buddies"
I don't think that a host should expect a guest to do anything.
I do agree with you that as a guest offering to help out whenever possible is the right thing to do but that doesn't mean that a host should expect it and should insist. They are making dinner after all. Personally I've had issues with guests trying to do too much and crossing boundaries that way. That isn't good either.
The dog and in-law thing is a bit different. You may need to house one or the other somewhere else since they are not compatible. That is if it is a big issue to you and your wife.
Whatever happens just don't let issues like this get in between you and your wife. That is the main thing whatever you choose to do.
I am a brand new member and just happened to stumble upon this forum while looking for information on how to deal with family staying at my house.
So my question is what advice can anyone give me on how to deal with my in-laws when they stay at my house. A little background, my in-laws live about 5 hours away and they don't come stay with my family that often. When they do they usually come for a week. I have always been taught when staying at someone's house that you help out as much as possible. ...
Please help! I am at my wits end
A week...seven days is a long time for house guests. I would go crazy. I would not be happy locking my dog up.
I came to a realization a few years ago, people that do not have manners have no idea that they do not have manners.
Sorry...it appears nothing is going to change anytime soon.
In-laws! They did not steal anything, did not burn the house down. did not eat your dog, and used the inside toilets. You could not ask for better in laws.
OP - We could be related....Are you my BIL? I have a mother almost exactly like your wife. I put a limit on how long they stay when the visit. Weekends only. This was learned the hard way when she stayed for almost 2.5 weeks and then a few months later showed up 3 days early with only a phone call that she was only a couple hours away. No need for more as they are around a 5/6 hour drive. My mother has also complained about allergies and the comfort of the bed she slept in while in our home. She bought the bed and I'm not ripping out the carpet because she is allergic. The list goes on. She stayed in a hotel the last time she stayed.
Don't suck it up. Talk to your wife. If her mom doesn't want to change she doesn't have to but she also doesn't need to stay in your house. Time to stay with her other daughter.
i totally agree w/ shorter visits, maybe once a year. maybe the second visit you can go to their house. i know you don't want to but at least that way you can control the length of the stay.
my MIL is just not allowed to stay longer than 5 days MAX. And she lives in another state and would take 20 hours by car to get here. i can't handle any longer than that and my husband knows i can't handle it. he wants ME to be happy. his mother's feelings, needs are all second to that.
A week...seven days is a long time for house guests. I would go crazy. I would not be happy locking my dog up.
There's a Ben Franklin quote that says, "House guests are like fish; after three days, they stink."
I wouldn't be happy locking my dog up in a room, either. When we stay at our in-laws, I don't expect them to lock up their two dogs, even though they shed and do affect my allergies.
They are 'not interested' in picking up the kids, they'd rather sit home all day. That's rich!
Maybe I would deal with this if their visits were once every couple of years or so, but twice a year? If it's me I'm choosing that mountain to die on.
"We need to talk. If you want to stay here you need to pick up your grandkids."
I read in an earlier post from the OP that they are there to see their grandkids. Then why are they not coming during school breaks, or holidays when the kids are off school? If the children are too young for school, then yea, the grandparents should be spending some of their days with the kids not going to daycare. And are the in-laws just inviting themselves, any time they feel like it? Or not inviting themselves, TELLING their daughter and SIL they are coming to stay with them? This would not fly in my house. Arrangements would have to be made all around.
I read in an earlier post from the OP that they are there to see their grandkids. Then why are they not coming during school breaks, or holidays when the kids are off school? If the children are too young for school, then yea, the grandparents should be spending some of their days with the kids not going to daycare.
I've been wondering this also, have asked about it already, and the OP has not addressed that aspect of the situation.
I read in an earlier post from the OP that they are there to see their grandkids. Then why are they not coming during school breaks, or holidays when the kids are off school? If the children are too young for school, then yea, the grandparents should be spending some of their days with the kids not going to daycare. And are the in-laws just inviting themselves, any time they feel like it? Or not inviting themselves, TELLING their daughter and SIL they are coming to stay with them?
You got it.
It definitely seems like "it's for the grandkids" is a smokescreen for the in-laws who do indeed seem to just impose themselves for reasons unknown.
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